I feel like I'm never enough and never will be. I make a mistake and my first thought is well that's because all you do is mess things up. Someone leaves my life and I think it's all my fault, the guilt overwhelms me and I immediately get drawn to self destructive means. I want to be able to lose people and not lose myself. Someone treats me badly and I think that's what I deserve, it takes a lot of convincing in therapy and reassurance that it's okay to be upset, before I stand up for myself. Sometimes the injustices are so great I lose my temper. I get so mad I dissociate then, I black out and forget everything that happens. I don't know if I have other personalities. Bcuz for me I just have this one version of myself that's strong and reckless that protects me when I'm vulnerable. It's also the version of me that hates me too. I put all my bad sides into it to run away from myself. But, when I get really scared, or triggered some other version of me is in charge when I dissociate. It's been a long time since I've seen that version of me. Ever since I left that horrible home and stopped being constantly in fear of my life. But anger triggers it, overwhelming self hatred, and panic attacks.