Insert Swearish Rant Here

enough

MyPTSD Pro
After driving home in the dark in the rain after work every night last week I finally got to be at home with day light for a few days and it was blue sky and dry all day all weekend.
Something must have gotten f*cked up, I am not this f*cking lucky.
 

ninja

MyPTSD Pro
I am losing my mind in this stupid f*cking rain that never f*cking ends.
And my stupid f*cking lack of f*cking exercise.
That's it, I'm buying one of those things that turns bikes into stationary bikes.
(...the rain DOESN'T f*ckING END)

I am supposed to be largely supervised by someone other than neurotic boss now, but neurotic boss and her neurotic-ness can't not neurotic on me. Go the f*ck away please.
 
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Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF**************************************CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!
So while being sick on boxing day (think it was just anxiety) I manage to fall. Been a bit clumsy lately anyway but fall awkwardly - on the cement floor in the basement. Bump head, bang knee, and really sore wrist.
So great, latest round of covid running rampant, don't want to go near emerge. Wait a week and get a hold of my doctor (no in person appointments) get a req and go get xrays. So right wrist is fractured but not displaced.

Now a whole f*cking week to get to the fracture clinic. Really great for anxiety.....(causing more anxiety that is)
 

Friday

Moderator
Really great for anxiety.....(causing more anxiety that is)
True, that.

I spent decades in and out of hospitals (and was a surgeons kid)… before I learned that injuries = stress = anxiety. Which is why antianxiety meds are often Rx’d for injuries (including part of surgery baseline… cutting into someone? Lower the anxiety response for best recovery. But that’s kickin it with anaesthesiologists, rather than surgeons). Seeeerious facepalm. It all makes complete sense. And yet? It never twigged. Even with my finite capacity for stress

Strength to you. And stubbornness. And wellest soonest.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
First time I have been sick since I was diagnosed with PTSD. Addison's drags you down a lot because it's not an automatic response, your body doesn't start making the hormones that power your immune response by itself. Then there is PTSD stress. That's just gas on the fire because its more stress and guess what it burns? The Cortone don't have enough of to start with. The only thing I ever felt to compare it to is total exhaustion, when your brain doesn't work and you feel weak, sweaty, and shaky.

None of that works great with Executive Function problems. What I took, how much, and especially when is hard to keep track of. At that point wife = awesome. Managed to get through without an Addison's Crisis that would have sent me to a hospital for sure.
 

enough

MyPTSD Pro
Which is why antianxiety meds are often Rx’d for injuries (including part of surgery baseline… cutting into someone? Lower the anxiety response for best recovery. But
Somewhere I heard a Ted talk by an ex combat medic turned smart doctor, he says there are 3 kinds of pain, pain from injury, pain from disease, and pain caused by waiting for test results. Add the subset “pain waiting for X” and he nailed it. Waiting for an anxiety medication to arrive in the mail? I bet mail carriers have a name for us.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
How the f*ck did tech stuff get so difficult suddenly? I used to work with PLC's, electronic controllers, printers PC's, plate making equipment, raster processers, machines with schematics that covered three or four blueprints, and I could troubleshoot the hell out of all of it.
I had people tell me we couldn't run all our in-house apps on one computer setup - but I did, and when I showed them how they were all stunned.

Now trying to change an option on my cell phone frustrates the hell out of me. It's like someone sucked all the logic out of my brain...
 

Friday

Moderator
It's like someone sucked all the logic out of my brain...
That used to be part of the SYMPTOM set, for PTSD (simple things becoming/feeling complex) and that they removed it in favor for a larger umbrella… right along with ‘sense of impermanent future’ & other useful things? Irritates the hell out of me. I understand the why that they did it, but it was… calming… to know that these f*cked up weird ass shit things? Were “Why?!?” = “You have PTSD?” = “Oh. Right. That.”
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
It's what frustrates me most, the loss of logic. I fixed problems other people with way more education couldn't. I did troubleshooting for machines I never saw, both mechanical and electrical. I unlocked and rescued data that saved a couple companies, after MCSE certified engineers failed. My home network is complex enough my telco guys hand me the hardware to install myself.

Now I can be defeated by upgrading my phone OS and setting options for it. Worst part is how limiting it feels, and how difficult it may be to find a job that won't be so limiting that as I recover I won't feel challenged.
 
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