Other Institutional support of abuse

Justmehere

Sponsor
A major organization told me that the time a stalker was being dragged by the police from my property for illegal acts on said property and trespassing.... he was there helping me and they are telling people I'm just in need of such help.

It is 2021!

Screaming "I AM HELPING YOU" does not make filming into my bathroom ok morons!

It's really getting under my skin. They also said, "well you attended (a class) with him." To justify what he did.

Oh yeah, I am sure I was wearing a short skirt too.

How do I shake this off? They are not worth my time. They need to not be renting ANY SPACE in my head.

Maybe I just needed to vent.
 

Friday

Moderator
How do I shake this off? They are not worth my time. They need to not be renting ANY SPACE in my head.
Of course it’s eating headspace. You have decisions to make. Until you do? It will.
So I heard a rather lovely little quote the other day...

You know the one about not arguing with a pig, because you’re both down in the mud but the pig enjoys it? The response was; Don’t wrestle wih a pig. Slaughter it, butcher it, and sell the bacon.

Of course it’s renting space in your head. You have the political know how to crucify this organization. And the connections to kick it up even further. That’s more than just deciding not to argue with an idiot, or to take someone else’s f*cked up opinion personally. It’s also more than deciding not to take revenge, which is a hefty decision all on its own. It’s deciding not to let the way they treat others to not be your responsibility to fix. To leave it to someone else. You’re not good at that. It goes against your personality to see a problem and not attempt to fix it; and worse, you tend to snatch responsibility away from the people doing wrong, and take it onto yourself if you do nothing. Which is both admirable, and impossible. Because it doesn’t let you choose your battles. It just gloms onto every evil in the world, and sucks it into your heart. A person cannot live that way, and stay sane. One has to pick their battles. One has to conserve their energy & prioritize where they choose to spend it. Or nothing gets done, and nothing ever changes; because all the people who would have the strength to fight those battles are puddles of exhaustion, incapable of fighting anything, much less winning.

I have a friend who is both a lawyer & very active in the Environment. To the degree that it shocked everyone who knew her that she didn’t go into environmental law. Her reasoning though, has always stuck with me. “I don’t want to spend my entire life getting a dam built. Or stopping a dam being built. I can be far more effective by supporting those who are.” <grin> And she has been. Her causes are numerous and vast, as are her interests. Instead of focusing all her energy in one place, on one dam? Her passions circle the globe.

Choosing your battles is not the same thing as being a bystander, doing nothing. It’s directing your energy to where you can be the most effective.

This company has made your shit list. Which is a very bad thing, for them, not only if you choose to take them on... but if someone else does, also. Because pissing off effective people doesn’t mean they’re going to lock horns with you right now, or even ever, if a frontal assault makes no sense. Because rather than charging at them head first, without thinking, and with a snowflake’s chance? You’re far more likely to shoot them from a distance. Or buy the rifle for the person who does. Or be eating ribs at their BBQ. Effective people? Are dangerous to piss off. Whether they come for you now, or come for you later, is wildly out of your control & entirely up to what works best for them, strategically. You’re an effective person. So the choice weighs on you.

And is also a good sign, IMO. That you’re shifting out of reactive mode / survival mode, and into a place where you can choose your battles, and direct your energy to where you want it. Stone cold bitch, though, making that transition back from survival to deliberated.
 

Justmehere

Sponsor
Choosing your battles is not the same thing as being a bystander, doing nothing. It’s directing your energy to where you can be the most effective.
This is what I needed to remember. Sometimes one wins the game of tug of war by letting go of the rope.

At work, I shrug off so much, because I know, not my monkeys, not my circus. I have no grand ideas I can change anything but my one small strategic area. I am effective when I am targeted.

in my personal life, I need to adopt the same strategy.

I'm taking my power back by letting go of this organization. And the stupid nonsense.
 

Simply Simon

Sponsor
Of course it’s renting space in your head. You have the political know how to crucify this organization. And the connections to kick it up even further. That’s more than just deciding not to argue with an idiot, or to take someone else’s f*cked up opinion personally. It’s also more than deciding not to take revenge, which is a hefty decision all on its own. It’s deciding not to let the way they treat others to not be your responsibility to fix. To leave it to someone else. You’re not good at that. It goes against your personality to see a problem and not attempt to fix it; and worse, you tend to snatch responsibility away from the people doing wrong, and take it onto yourself if you do nothing. Which is both admirable, and impossible. Because it doesn’t let you choose your battles. It just gloms onto every evil in the world, and sucks it into your heart. A person cannot live that way, and stay sane...

This company has made your shit list. Which is a very bad thing, for them, not only if you choose to take them on... but if someone else does, also. Because pissing off effective people doesn’t mean they’re going to lock horns with you right now, or even ever, if a frontal assault makes no sense. Because rather than charging at them head first, without thinking, and with a snowflake’s chance? You’re far more likely to shoot them from a distance. Or buy the rifle for the person who does. Or be eating ribs at their BBQ. Effective people? Are dangerous to piss off. Whether they come for you now, or come for you later, is wildly out of your control & entirely up to what works best for them, strategically. You’re an effective person. So the choice weighs on you.

And is also a good sign, IMO. That you’re shifting out of reactive mode / survival mode, and into a place where you can choose your battles, and direct your energy to where you want it. Stone cold bitch, though, making that transition back from survival to deliberated.
JMH, I hate that I have nothing to actually add, but my god I needed to read this too. I just got severely f*cked over by people who are too incompetent to realize how utterly screwed they would be if I bit back with my full force... but I’m just so tired right now.

It’s really just shocking when a company doubles down on being blatantly in the wrong. And it’s ridiculously difficult for me to just let go when I know I could nail them to a cross. But at what cost to myself? I struggle with this too often.
 

Justmehere

Sponsor
Someone once said to me there are two ways to win a game of tug of war. One is to try to pull harder.

The other is to let go of the rope.

I have written more than a few letters that I have wanted to make public... only to delete before they go anywhere.

It's tough to walk away. Sometimes, it is the quickest path to freedom from the bs.
 
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