Lately, I've been thinking and wondering if I truly am traumatized or if it's really nothing at all, I talked to my doctor awhile ago and I wasn't able to tell them because I truly believe everyone will say it doesn't matter and do the same thing that this person did to me.
It started at 9 and I had a gaming console that you could play games and talk to people online with I met this guy on a game called PlayStation Home and the only thing I remember is that he was 14 and he asked if we could date and I asked him what he met then he asked me to strip on camera for him and he explained it to me since I didn't really know I remember doing this almost every night for him a couple of times my dad walked in on me but I don't think he noticed at all but I was scared.
And then I met this guys bother online somehow but I don't remember he was around 20 and I don't remember what he made me do but afterwards he wanted to come to my house I got scared and blocked him after that I don't remember how but I ended up stripping for other men that were 17 to 40 years old.
The last one I remember was in his 40s and he convinced me to shove a pen inside of me and a remote and when I got scared from the pain it was causing he started threatening me, calling me names, and told me that if I didn't do it he would tell everyone what I was doing. I don't remember anything after that.
Anyway fast forward when I was 11 I met a girl online who was really a guy she said her name was Katey who was 17 years old I honestly don't remember what or how but she constantly tricked me, taught me about sexual things and violence including self harm while at the same time I was being bullied online and also had to deal with toxic parents at home.
All of these things have seemed to have impact on my life and I'm just now noticing I'm almost 19 and haven't gotten over these things I have these panic attack episodes, obsessive thoughts about sex and how ugly my body is, feeling as if I need to seek out an abusive relationship again, etc...
I just don't think it's possible that I have trauma from something that happened over the internet as a kid I mean that's what some people tells me so why am I like this now? Why don't I just get over it? A couple of days ago I confronted this guy that played as Katey and he told me it never even happened and he invited me to a group chat where his friends made fun of me and commented on my body and my scars.
I feel like he's right it's been years and it was over the internet we were kids so it really doesn't matter anymore.
It started at 9 and I had a gaming console that you could play games and talk to people online with I met this guy on a game called PlayStation Home and the only thing I remember is that he was 14 and he asked if we could date and I asked him what he met then he asked me to strip on camera for him and he explained it to me since I didn't really know I remember doing this almost every night for him a couple of times my dad walked in on me but I don't think he noticed at all but I was scared.
And then I met this guys bother online somehow but I don't remember he was around 20 and I don't remember what he made me do but afterwards he wanted to come to my house I got scared and blocked him after that I don't remember how but I ended up stripping for other men that were 17 to 40 years old.
The last one I remember was in his 40s and he convinced me to shove a pen inside of me and a remote and when I got scared from the pain it was causing he started threatening me, calling me names, and told me that if I didn't do it he would tell everyone what I was doing. I don't remember anything after that.
Anyway fast forward when I was 11 I met a girl online who was really a guy she said her name was Katey who was 17 years old I honestly don't remember what or how but she constantly tricked me, taught me about sexual things and violence including self harm while at the same time I was being bullied online and also had to deal with toxic parents at home.
All of these things have seemed to have impact on my life and I'm just now noticing I'm almost 19 and haven't gotten over these things I have these panic attack episodes, obsessive thoughts about sex and how ugly my body is, feeling as if I need to seek out an abusive relationship again, etc...
I just don't think it's possible that I have trauma from something that happened over the internet as a kid I mean that's what some people tells me so why am I like this now? Why don't I just get over it? A couple of days ago I confronted this guy that played as Katey and he told me it never even happened and he invited me to a group chat where his friends made fun of me and commented on my body and my scars.
I feel like he's right it's been years and it was over the internet we were kids so it really doesn't matter anymore.