I can always forget what a hard time I've been having, so I don't bother with counseling. But sometimes things pile up and I get emotional and then feel like I'm hungover for a few days. Then I forget about it and carry on. Last night I had the strongest ever (measured by duration) emotional crapton of crying triggered by a tv police drama about a rape. I totally lost it and ended up searching online for a support line, waited 45 minutes for a chance to chat. This morning I called off sick from work and have spent the entire day in bed. I am exhausted and feel terrible. I feel so bad that I made an appointment for counseling.
So here's the thing. I've been in and out of counseling enough to know all the how-to's about taking care of yourself. But when this stuff hits, nothing matters except how overwhelmed I am with these bottomless, endless, tears. This incredible feeling that I don't what it is but maybe sadness or grief describes it. I feel as though I'm standing in the middle of a terrible car crash. Broken vehicles and bodies all around, and the horror of the moment hasn't yet sunk in. What is that?
I don't understand how I can have all the right answers and do the meditation and stay fit and eat well and perform exceptionally well at work and then get my feet kicked out from under me when I have no idea it's coming. So here I am. And I feel bad.
And dang, that prefix "sufferer." That's awful. I officially call it "experiencer."
So here's the thing. I've been in and out of counseling enough to know all the how-to's about taking care of yourself. But when this stuff hits, nothing matters except how overwhelmed I am with these bottomless, endless, tears. This incredible feeling that I don't what it is but maybe sadness or grief describes it. I feel as though I'm standing in the middle of a terrible car crash. Broken vehicles and bodies all around, and the horror of the moment hasn't yet sunk in. What is that?
I don't understand how I can have all the right answers and do the meditation and stay fit and eat well and perform exceptionally well at work and then get my feet kicked out from under me when I have no idea it's coming. So here I am. And I feel bad.
And dang, that prefix "sufferer." That's awful. I officially call it "experiencer."