Somewhatdamaged
New Here
I have chronic post traumatic stress disorder and was diganosised in 2013 by a psychologist I was working with. I started seeing this Dr because where I was working at the time started surfacing some memories and awareness of what I have been through in my past has been significantly impactful.
As more started to surface within 6 months of starting therapy with this Dr I was hospitalized inpatient for inability to control symptoms and suicidal ideation.
All the dots starting connecting from my past . I have a significant fear of men, have had several panic attacks, triggers and issues in life that I didn't realize what they were until 2013. I was hiding everything . Hiding, pushing and repressing all the emotions and memories just to survive. I have so much to learn still and I'm so tired.
I feel like I can never catch a breath. And it's my own doing . I'm stuck in a cycle and it's I've been attempting to dig in my heels to break it.
When I was 33 I had already moved 26 times in my life.
I have had extremely amazing experiences in my life and have been so grateful to be about to accomplish, see my growth from my adventures. I have accomplished a master's degree, undergraduate degree, highschool completion. Been to 42 out of 50 states. Been backpacking, horse packing, did a.bike tour. I have seen so much. I have witnessed many things. I have.been blessed to be able to see and do all of that.
But things feel unsettled. I have established a home and safe place for me to live. It's peaceful. I wish I could just get thru the day to day without issues or problems with my PTSD.
I will tear apart or uproot anything or everything to have control and maintain survival. My brain gets thrown off.or stuck.
Then I get extremely depressed and don't want to exist. Everything is exhausting.
I am a survivor I am a problem solver and independent.
I cry and cry over my own loneliness yet I dare not risk letting anyone in. Noone deserves to see my cycles , deal with my anxiety or need to deal with my triggers or risk being hurt again.
I am used to dealing with things alone. I can be independent. I don't need anyone in my life and if someone is in my life it's because I want them to be there or they earned the place to be there .
The problem is I don't talk to anyone about my PTSD and I know that it would be helpful to. I am a listener I am a healer yet I won't listen or heal myself as much.
That has to change or else I will never make it. My body is already shutting down and I'm 34. Chronic pain, fatigue, migraines, sleep issues , nightmares, restless legs , chest pain and pressure.
I deserve to treat myself better and it's hard to convince myself if that.
I'm hoping that someone or anyone can take a second or two to provide thoughts, support or tricks of what works for them to navigate their day to day PTSD.
I would appreciate and value it . Take care and message me about anything.
As more started to surface within 6 months of starting therapy with this Dr I was hospitalized inpatient for inability to control symptoms and suicidal ideation.
All the dots starting connecting from my past . I have a significant fear of men, have had several panic attacks, triggers and issues in life that I didn't realize what they were until 2013. I was hiding everything . Hiding, pushing and repressing all the emotions and memories just to survive. I have so much to learn still and I'm so tired.
I feel like I can never catch a breath. And it's my own doing . I'm stuck in a cycle and it's I've been attempting to dig in my heels to break it.
When I was 33 I had already moved 26 times in my life.
I have had extremely amazing experiences in my life and have been so grateful to be about to accomplish, see my growth from my adventures. I have accomplished a master's degree, undergraduate degree, highschool completion. Been to 42 out of 50 states. Been backpacking, horse packing, did a.bike tour. I have seen so much. I have witnessed many things. I have.been blessed to be able to see and do all of that.
But things feel unsettled. I have established a home and safe place for me to live. It's peaceful. I wish I could just get thru the day to day without issues or problems with my PTSD.
I will tear apart or uproot anything or everything to have control and maintain survival. My brain gets thrown off.or stuck.
Then I get extremely depressed and don't want to exist. Everything is exhausting.
I am a survivor I am a problem solver and independent.
I cry and cry over my own loneliness yet I dare not risk letting anyone in. Noone deserves to see my cycles , deal with my anxiety or need to deal with my triggers or risk being hurt again.
I am used to dealing with things alone. I can be independent. I don't need anyone in my life and if someone is in my life it's because I want them to be there or they earned the place to be there .
The problem is I don't talk to anyone about my PTSD and I know that it would be helpful to. I am a listener I am a healer yet I won't listen or heal myself as much.
That has to change or else I will never make it. My body is already shutting down and I'm 34. Chronic pain, fatigue, migraines, sleep issues , nightmares, restless legs , chest pain and pressure.
I deserve to treat myself better and it's hard to convince myself if that.
I'm hoping that someone or anyone can take a second or two to provide thoughts, support or tricks of what works for them to navigate their day to day PTSD.
I would appreciate and value it . Take care and message me about anything.
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