Sufferer Introducing me and where to go for help

Ruby_

New Here
Hi all,
I’ve just joined, glad to find a ptsd forum and people who can relate to me.
I’ve started therapy for cptsd after an incident in the summer that brought on massive anxiety and fear and then really starting to understand what ptsd actually is and how much it’s affected me my whole life.
I’m 44, a traumatic and unloving childhood leaving to very low self esteem and living in fear (I’m not actually unsafe). I can’t get my head to learn that ‘the trigger’ isn’t dangerous and that I deserved better. I’ve been working with a trauma therapist but it just seems that I’m forever stuck in this mire and the feeling that no one cares.
If anyone can point me in the direction of where to start with the forum or I’d love to read what helped people and success stories etc, many thanks
 

Ruby_

New Here
Just wanted to add (can’t work out how to edit) that I’m feeling worse than ever and I just don’t know what to do or what’s going to work to start to feel better...hoping for some positive steps
 

LuckiLee

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Ruby_ welcome to the forums. This place is awesome. Check out the different articles Anthony and our phenomenal moderators have shared. Or you can search the forums for any topic from anxiety to medications to grounding techniques etc. You will no doubt find something and someone you relate to. You could even start a diary if you feel up to it or ask a specific question in any of the different categories...

Being here is going to be a form of exposure therapy so go slow as it could make you more symptomatic than you already are as we don't use trigger warnings.

Glad you found us. 😊
 

RussellSue

Not Active
Hello @Ruby_ and welcome.

Unfortunately, I believe you can only edit posts within 30 minutes of creating them. There will be an edit button at the bottom of the post while you are still able to edit.

I am glad that you are reaching out. I think the typical experience is that the beginning of trying to learn to cope with PTSD (and not ignore it or try to kick its ass) is HARD for everyone.

There is more than one way to tackle being a part of this group. I have read that starting a trauma diary is a great way to start if you are processing a lot of trauma. You can set it to public, members-only or private. My experience has been that if you want member feedback, keeping diary entries short is a good idea.

You can also search for topics that interest you with the search function or browse through areas that you think might be relevant to you. There is a lot of good information all over the place. You can reply or just read.

If you are having a pressing issue, posting about it can often result in the sharing of a few different viewpoints. This can be very helpful. It can also become stressful on occasion, but it is helpful to remember that most of us have our own issues going on.

I believe I developed CPTSD at 7 and I just nearly 41, now. I have found that healthy consistency and regular exercise are my best friends. When I can't keep it together on my own, I create schedules, lists, and alarms, so that I get done the things I need to in order to help myself. I include things like baths, meditation, and stretching on my schedule to make sure they happen. Since I have a tendency toward depression, I have found that cardio is a whole lot more effective than pills or therapy since it increases feel good chemicals in the brain -- absolutely needed for me.

Best of luck to you. I hope you find some support here.
 

Elsewhere

Learning
Hi @Ruby_ ,

I’m glad you joined, and I’m sorry you’re suffering, too. It sounds like we may have sort of similar stories and trajectories.

I know what it’s like to feel that no one cares. My own mother would just stand by and watch as my father brutally beat me, year after year. And like you, I also have triggers I can’t get rid of. It’s maddening to have to live like this, and to take stock of all the ways decades of untreated/unrecognized CPTSD has taken its toll. FWIW, I also got worse in midlife.

I still don’t know what to do with my anger towards my abuser, his enabler, and the ppl who profited financially off the abuse I was made to endure. No one has ever shown a shred of remorse. Realizing that the concept of justice is an illusion has been tough to swallow.

I’m far from healed, but things that have helped a little are (in no particular order):

- removing abusive ppl from my life
- having a loving partner and taking care of him, as he takes care of me
- vigorous outdoor exercise (a side of adrenaline helps)
- not taking shit from ppl
- yoga
- removing unnecessary sources of stress and overstimulation from my day-to-day
- being vigilant about potential abuse of substances I’d been using to numb myself
- taking herbs and using other sleep-hygiene approaches to combat insomnia and toxic ruminations in the wee hours (which has been a decades-long demon for me)
- learning about the science of trauma/response (The Body Keeps the Score is an excellent book), and starting to make sense of things
- realizing how much of my menta-health struggles are shame-based, and that I was taught to hate myself, and fighting that erroneous thinking with all my might; just because my abuser hated me doesn’t mean I’m worthless
 
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