Sufferer Introduction

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Octavia

New Here
Hi
Not sure how to go about this or even if the forum is what I want. I served in a UK police force for 30 years and during that time dealt with many, many difficult things all of which have recently returned to haunt me. Cot deaths, suicides, road traffic fatalities, work accidents causing death, dealing with armed criminals to give a few examples. I didn't know that all these things were being 'put in a box and the lid screwed down' by me until earlier this year when the lid eventually came off. I had been finding my current job role becoming more difficult and the amount of work was increasing dramatically and this had the effect of making me quick to anger, I became miserable, withdrawn, unsocial with family, friends and work colleagues. then I started to 'see' images of things/people I'd dealt with, initially it was a man who'd hung himself then other images such as the cot death babies, the man who'd been decapitated when a steam valve had ruptured at his place of work etc. I reached a point where I couldn't function properly either at work or at home and went to the doctor. It was then that I was told I was suffering from PTSD and as as result am now taking tablets to lessen my anxiety and I'm about to start counselling sessions.

I thought, believed I was stronger than this and could not be affected, how wrong I was. I look back on my time in the police and realise that because I was good at my job I was sent to more than my fair share of sudden deaths, to deliver deaths messages and to deal with 'death' in it's many forms.

I'm not sure what the future holds but with the support of my family and friends and the input of the health professionals I intend to beat this and continue to function 'normally'.

Thank you
 

Octavia

New Here
Thank you Jane, I appreciate what you say but at the moment I don't feel strong and I feel out of control which is 'foreign' to me as I've always been in control so this current feeling makes me anxious, worried and frightened.
 

Jane.l

MyPTSD Pro
I know what you are saying - I didn't realise I needed control until ptsd hit and now it's all about control, trying to control flashbacks and dissociation, trying to control anxiety and overwhelming panic . My T is always telling me that it's trying to control these feelings that causes more problems. You will hopefully learn different ways to cope with these things - different things work for different people.

We often notice on here how easy it is to have compassion for other peoples situations but how hard it is to find for ourselves .
 
D

Deleted member 20280

@Octavia Welcome to the forum firstly.

As an ex UK Police employee (control room 12 years) I can understand only too well. I was deemed strong enough to deal with whatever the job threw at me. Constantly left to run the city despatch channel single handed on a busy Friday night.

I took it relatively in my stride most of the time and simply refused to see that all the repressed emotions had started to eat away inside me.

Man:hug:s from one ex thin blue line to another.

Laurie
 
D

Deleted member 20280

Octavia mate, I have come to realise that there are so many 'Blue-Light' sufferers in this world. You really have found a fantastic place to come to for support and maybe even sometimes just a shoulder to lean on and a kind ear to listen.

Take care.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
Welcome, @Octavia. I have a different circumstance, but was able to (like you) put the lid on my experience and just keep going for years and years - until I couldn't. It's not a question of strength - it's just the mark that trauma leaves on the brain.

The harder part is the getting help phase - that's where it takes determination. Congratulations on getting diagnosed and getting into therapy. It's a victory, and there will be more.
 

Octavia

New Here
Hi Joey
Thanks for your comments, really appreciated. I didn't realise that there was anywhere like this with people going through the same type of issues. I happened across the forum by accident and it took some determination to sign up but I'm really glad I did.

Thank you to everyone for their comments.
 

intothelight

Sponsor
@Octavia Welcome to the forum!

As you read, I believe you will find yourself among people who really understand and can relate to what you are experiencing with PTSD. Although the source of trauma may vary, we are all here trying to get better and lessen the impact of this disorder on our lives. I hope you find the information and support beneficial to your healing.
 
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