• 💖 [Donate To Keep MyPTSD Online] 💖 Every contribution, no matter how small, fuels our mission and helps us continue to provide peer-to-peer services. Your generosity keeps us independent and available freely to the world. MyPTSD closes if we can't reach our annual goal.

Military Iraq Or (not) To Iraq

Status
Not open for further replies.

Virtues

MyPTSD Pro
I received an interesting and tempting job offer, but I'm having trouble weighing out the pro's and con's. I'm a medically retired Marine with 2 combat tours to Al Anbar province Iraq. I recently received a job opportunity to work for a friend of mine in the private security sector of Iraq.

pro's - private security = more money than active duty, no bureaucracy, working for a friend, I am familiar with the A.O. (area of operation), I was a great Marine, I'm trained and am good at what I do,

con's - PTSD, TBI, back injury, not as "in shape" as i use to be, I would relinquish compensation from the VA if I went back to work, I would relinquish social security if I went back to work, (not sure if I'd take a pay cut between the loss of compesation and ssdi), would have to leave my wife and kids again for another deployment

I know only I can make this decision but another key to this equation is that I have a compensation and pension re-evaluation today and might lose my compensation anyways (regardless if I take this offer or not). This isn't a pressing decision that has to be made today so I do have time to wait and see what happens with my comp & pen re-eval before I make a decision however. I just wanted to get some thoughts and kind of bounce my ideas off someone else. I'm not even sure I have the capacity to work right now. I know I don't in garrison, but could I function on the battlefield? I'm wondering if it would all come back to me when I was put back in my element or if the conditions would only exasperate my condition. My biggest fear is the VA tells me I have to go back to work and the only thing I know is being a war fighter.

Any thoughts on this matter would be appreciated.
 
Well, I guess it would be good to continue with some sort of life stability if you can, so the main thing the decision could depend on would be the pension re-evaluation and similar, think a bit, you are going to age more, you cannot work forever... Just the sorta logic I would go by, I dont think I can give much advice on the other parts
 
I would think the negatives outweigh the positives with one exception which I will address in a minute.
I think, for me, the biggest negative is the potential of compounding the PTSD by additional exposure to danger. Also, as you stated, would you be able to function in a combat situation? If the answer is no, then you are putting the lives of your teammates at danger.
If you lose your compensation could you function in a private security situation here stateside?

The one exception is this: Do you feel the need to do something? Is this something you need to do to reclaim a part of yourself? Is this something you are considering to prove to yourself you can do it? If you are considering doing this so that you can feel you are being a valuable member of society, then it might be worth the gamble to regain that sense of pride in knowing you are a warrior.

God's speed in whatever you deicide.
 
I have not decided yet, but I'm leaning towards maybe not such a good idea for several different reasons. First, and far most is I don't want to be a burden to the team because of my physical health. I suffered a spine injury and even though the recovery has gone extremely well, I no longer feel elite which is unsat in my eyes. Plus I have gained some weight since my injury so I am not as quick or agile as I use to be. All reasons that make me question my physical health. My other reasons are rather trivial and could easily be looked passed, but this is the one I keep getting hung up on...

Believe it or not my mental health has not really been part of the equation. I think if I was back in the shit, it would all come back to me. It would probably only serve to further f*ck me up once I return home, but there's no doubt about doing the job when I'm actually there. I just don't know if any more trauma would be good for me. I've already suffered so many different traumatic events, I don't really need another one, two, three, etc... to process through. I guess that's reason two for leaning towards no.

Thirdly, It would tear my marriage apart. My wife is not on board for this like she was with me joining the Marine Corps. After she saw the mental damage that war did to me, she wants no part in furthering my destruction. I'm afraid that if I can't get her on board for this and I do it anyways, she wouldn't be home when I got back.
 
That all makes sense.

I think the last one is the main thing to consider.

If you got back into working full time, you'd be back into shape and more confident, most likely.

As far as trauma, it's hard to say. I don't know a thing about private security and what you would be exposed to often or at all. I do know what living in foreign countries is like, and chaos is the word. So yeah, chaos is traumatic if you already have PTSD, in my book.

Would you like to work again though? Maybe you are just starting to feel the need to be out and about.
 
Would you like to work again though?
I thought about 911 operator...

I thrive in a rapidly deteriorating environment. I thought 911 operator would give me that benefit without directly subjecting me to any trauma. I just don't know if I'm ready for it or not. I am a bit stir crazy, but at the same time I feel like I need more time to process and heal. IDK, maybe I'm just scared to start something, maybe my confidence has been shattered and that's what's holding me back. I just don't know how long it's going to be before I'm ready to make that leap.
 
I'm unsat as fawk right now. Was on my way back to fighting trim last year when long illness kicked me back to go. :wtf: That said, I'm still working my way back towards Disaster Response & NGOs. Just gonna take me a bit longer, is all. Also what's taking longer is doing it in a slightly more sane / family friendly version than I did before. Less mercenary more humanitarian.

Which leads me to Team Rubicon | Disaster Response Veterans Service Organization

It's volunteer, so you don't risk your benefits. Prolly not something you can do right away (but then again, maybe). My plan at this point is working on my PT & recertifications to actually get paid doing this work... whilst volunteering. Both with these guys, and with my local state/county SAR group. Gets my feet wet / hand back in the game, and provides some moto to keep moving. I haven't worked with them, yet, as I don't meet my own minimum standards... But it was another couple vets who do who turned me onto them.

Anyhow. Just something to consider.
 
I was recently hit up about a contracting gig in Iraq as well. I don't want to go back there because that's where I got hit. I would go back to Afghanistan though, but I feel like my Iraq experience should end there since it almost killed me. f*ck Iraq.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top