One year ago I went through a deeply traumatic experience related to religion. I was being threatened with the never ending punishment in the unforgiving flames of hell along with the most monstrous creatures out there. Wondering why? Because of who I feel attracted to. Needless to say, I regretted being born and never had I been as desperate, miserable and suicidal as then. I could feel my dreams for the future being crushed. Maybe i overreacted, idk, but hey i was only 17, plus i already was emotionally sensitive because of my ocd symptoms (i was about to be diagnosed 2 years ago). Anyway, this crisis lasted for about a month, cuz dad helped me get through this. Many things used to trigger my flashbacks a couple of months ago, until I talked to my father again, giving him the whole explanation. He basically got me out of that situation, both of my parents accept me. Now I feel better, or that's what I like to believe. However, I dread going to church and did not go for a year. Since it was Easter, I decided to go together with my family a few weeks ago. I had been okay all day but when I arrived at that church, kind of a panic attack sprang up. You know, palpitations, feeling weak, crying....On that night it dawned on me that I was still quite traumatized. I didn't even enter that church! It was just in sight and i heard the priest talking into the microphone and singing. It's just that memories of me bawling my eyes out on those nights began flashing through my mind. I also realized that I can't go to quiet places without feeling uneasy. I'm talking about getting out into nature, as being in a calm place, especially by myself, makes me feel like I'm alone in this world, just like how i felt during my existential crisis. I call it like that because at that moment i realized i'm going to die, and, even more, that i can die anytime. I'm way more pessimistic since then, always thinking i'm not going to be among the lucky ones to live a long peaceful life....
Does this sound like borderline trauma to you? Is this even a thing?
Does this sound like borderline trauma to you? Is this even a thing?