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Message: <blockquote data-quote="coraxxx" data-source="post: 1742468" data-attributes="member: 50212">I guess so. But I can't get rid of the impression of something boiling in parallel, as if everything was stored in a close universe that is neighbouring yours. A bit like hearing your neighbours having a fight through the wall, and certainly not going there to intervene.And in the moments it pierces it's just a panicking state that makes me want to close the thing even more violently. I try to let my feelings go across me. But then what I don't understand with mindfulness is that their peace for me much feels like my natural state of dissociation.So I don't know what to do. I don't dare to engage in events that might trigger sequences of senseless actions then feelings sharp as blades. When I do this I'm gone for a week partying and doing god knows what. But it's annoying because before I get in chaos mode, things are agreeable. So I recluse for safety. In the dissociation.I think I need a hand I can hold to emerge.</blockquote>