Relationship Is It Ptsd Or Common Disinterest?

[Watash2]

First, some backstory: my boyfriend of 4 months is a Marine veteran who was formally diagnosed with combat PTSD some years ago. He was in Iraq 1998-2003. When I met him he was inpatient at the VA (I originally thought it was just for the PTSD; turns out he was drying out from heroin as well). To make things more interesting, after we had been together a month he finished up his program and moved back home-3 1/2 hours away. So now we're long distance as well. And he lives in the country with only a cell phone that gets a poor signal.

SO. It's complicated to say the least, and we haven't known each other very long. He claims he loves me, though, and wants eventually to marry me. I feel the same for him. My question is, when he goes radio silent on me (sometimes for whole days) how am I to take that? With anyone else I've dated, that would either be a sign that a) they had lost interest or b) they've been hit by a bus. Buses being in short supply where he is, my mind keeps trying to tell me that all his pretty words were just him indulging in a fling/fantasy, and I should take the hint that he's not interested anymore. Wouldn't be the first guy to just act like a dick instead of coming out and saying "I want to break up."

I know there are a billion threads on here I could reference so I hope y'all will forgive me for needing to create my own. Thanks in advance for any thoughts on this.

 

[Snowflakes]

@Watash2 Is it PTSD or common disinterest? No one knows except him; however, given the short story you have written, I tend to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe he is taking the time to try to sort out things in his head, or simply resting alone especially since he just got out of inpatient work.

Give him the time.

Take care.

 

[Newtoptsd]

You're right there are a billion thread here all stating the same thing, it's common for sufferers of PTSD to isolate. If your guy only doesn't contact you for a whole day then count yourself lucky!!!! I know some supporters on here who go weeks, sometimes months without hearing from their SO.

Best thing to do, leave him, don't pester, don't push for contact if you can sense he doesn't want it. He's probably not in the right headspace at that moment to give you attention if it is PTSD.

I guess only time will tell, the one thing I have learnt is the more you reach out the more you push them away in these times.

Good Luck and keep reading threads on this site, they will give you insight, answers and comfort knowing you're not the only one!

:hug:

 

[Deadman]

How long is 'days'?

 

[lostforgottensoul]

when he goes radio silent on me (sometimes for whole days) how am I to take that?

Well, that's different for every sufferer.

Personally I self isolate (ETA: which can be hours, days, weeks, months, or even years) which has nothing to do with anyone or anything but me. It doesn't mean I want to break up or really anything besides I am going through a shit ton of shit at the moment as a sufferer and my stress cup is overfull: The Ptsd Cup Explanation and I can't deal with anything even very tiny at the moment as there is no more room in the cup to do so.

 

[Watash2]

Up to 24 hours. No more than that at the moment, but he has a history of isolating from his family so I wouldn't be surprised if eventually it increases as he gets more comfortable with me.

 

[Deadman]

Up to 24 hours. No more than that at the moment, but he has a history of isolating from his family so I...

24 hours is nothing really. I know it worries you but I think time passes differently for men than it does for women... even without PTSD being involved. With the PTSD I've said things like 'We just talked dammit!" and then realized that was weeks ago.

 

[grimalkin]

@Deadman I've had to show my soon-to-be ex receipts for things he thinks we got yesterday when it was weeks ago, and a facebook post that showed something happened, literally, more than five years ago, when he thought it was about seven months ago.

 

[Watash2]

24 hours is nothing really. I know it worries you but I think time passes differently for men than it d...

Really? I've never had a boyfriend go NEARLY that long without talking, not in today's world of instant communication. Plus he vanishes right in the middle of conversations sometimes. So is it your opinion I should *not* take the conversational down time as a sign of waning interest?

 

[Watash2]

@Watash2 Is it PTSD or common disinterest? No one knows except him; however, give...

Thank you, this makes me feel better.

 

[Linzee]

First, some backstory: my boyfriend of 4 months is a Marine veteran who was formally diagnosed with com...

Can I just say first off that I giggled reading your thread. I like your 'take no prisoners approach' and sense of humour. So easy to forget to have a sense of humour around this subject sometimes.

I concur, its early days so I would give him the benefit of the doubt too. If you really like him start preparing yourself for these periods of 'radio silence'. Its not meant to be rude/mean to hurt you (I had to figure that out). Its probably hurting him more sadly, as he's trying desperately to keep space for you in 'the cup' but its boiling over with so much other stuff the only way is to take things off the heat for a while and allow them to simmer and cool down.

Try and be patient with him and allow him to acknowledge his absence himself when/if he's ready. Then you can discuss how to communicate better for the next time it happens (and it will unfortunately).

 

[Deadman]

So is it your opinion I should *not* take the conversational down time as a sign of waning interest?

Not at all. I agree with @Snowflakes, no one knows but him. And there is a good chance he doesn't either.