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Is it PTSD or just guilt?

dullangela

New Here
When I was 9 my family was in a wreck. A school bus t-boned our car at 50 mph and cut my throat so badly it required 150 stitches to fix. A couple of years later my next door neighbor, who was about 5 years older than I, was killed in a car wreck. Then, when I was 16, wayyy back in 1986, my boyfriend and I skipped school and spent the day just having fun. At some point during our day it turned to drama because of me and my teenage mindset, and I broke up with him. By this late in the school day, his parents knew he had skipped school and were out looking for him..(no cell phones then!) His dad saw us, pulled us over, and told him to take me home and then get himself home. He took me home, gave me his senior ring and said he'd always love me, and drove away. An hour or so passed and then his mom called me at home, panicking because he hadn't gotten there yet. She asked me and my sister if we would drive around with them to look for him. We drove around for a while, not finding him, then went to their house to see if he had made it home. As we pulled up, we saw a state trooper shining a light on their house from his car. His mom jumped out and ran toward them with his dad right behind her. My sister and I just kind of sat there in shock not knowing what was going on...and then I heard his mother's scream. I will never, ever forget that.. or the instant self hatrid and guilt I felt when I found out he was gone.
Forward to today..almost 40 years later...and it affects every second of my life still. I have a 34 year old son that has suffered most of his life because he can't do ANYTHING without me going into a panic attack. He lives 20 miles from me and when he drives home from my house and doesn't let me know he's home in the time I think he should I start shaking and pacing and thinking that he must have been killed in a car wreck. If I hear sirens I lose it because I immediately think there must have been a fatal wreck. I can't go on trips with my husband because I'm terrified to go far in a car. I have tried a Psychologist and a family practice doctor, and they have prescribed Lexapro and Buspar. It helps with the daily anxiety, but the situational anxiety is off the charts. I have tried for forty years to find peace and I just want to know if this sounds like ptsd or just regular depression/anxiety. I'm seriously desperate for some mental peace. :(
 
When I was 9 my family was in a wreck. A school bus t-boned our car at 50 mph and cut my throat so badly it required 150 stitches to fix. A couple of years later my next door neighbor, who was about 5 years older than I, was killed in a car wreck. Then, when I was 16, wayyy back in 1986, my boyfriend and I skipped school and spent the day just having fun. At some point during our day it turned to drama because of me and my teenage mindset, and I broke up with him. By this late in the school day, his parents knew he had skipped school and were out looking for him..(no cell phones then!) His dad saw us, pulled us over, and told him to take me home and then get himself home. He took me home, gave me his senior ring and said he'd always love me, and drove away. An hour or so passed and then his mom called me at home, panicking because he hadn't gotten there yet. She asked me and my sister if we would drive around with them to look for him. We drove around for a while, not finding him, then went to their house to see if he had made it home. As we pulled up, we saw a state trooper shining a light on their house from his car. His mom jumped out and ran toward them with his dad right behind her. My sister and I just kind of sat there in shock not knowing what was going on...and then I heard his mother's scream. I will never, ever forget that.. or the instant self hatrid and guilt I felt.
Forward to today..almost 40 years later...and it affects every second of my life still. I have a 34 year old son that has suffered most of his life because he can't do ANYTHING without me going into a panic attack. He lives 20 miles from me and when he drives home from my house and doesn't let me know he's home in the time I think he should I start shaking and pacing and thinking that he must have been killed in a car wreck. If I hear sirens I lose it because I immediately think there must have been a fatal wreck. I can't go on trips with my husband because I'm terrified to go far in a car. I have tried a Psychologist and a family practice doctor, and they have prescribed Lexapro and Buspar. It helps with the daily anxiety, but the situational anxiety is off the charts. I have tried for forty years to find peace and I just want to know if this sounds like ptsd or just regular depression/anxiety. I'm seriously desperate for some mental peace. :(
@dullangela, hearing your story, it is clear that your traumatic experiences have had a significant and lasting impact on you. Based on the symptoms you described, it sounds like you might be experiencing PTSD, which can develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event, and can include mood changes, behavioral symptoms, and intrusive memories.

It is encouraging that you have sought help from both a psychologist and a family practice doctor, and that you have tried various medications to manage your anxiety and depression. However, situational anxiety remains a significant concern for you, and you are understandably seeking more mental peace.

In addition to continuing therapy and medication, there are a few other steps you might find helpful. For example, engaging in regular exercise or relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing can help manage anxiety symptoms. Connecting with others who have experienced similar traumatic events can also be valuable; consider seeking out support groups or online communities for those experiencing PTSD.

As you continue your journey towards healing, remember to be kind and compassionate towards yourself. Recovery is a process, and progress is not always linear. Celebrate small victories along the way and recognize that healing takes time.
 
@dullangela, hearing your story, it is clear that your traumatic experiences have had a significant and lasting impact on you. Based on the symptoms you described, it sounds like you might be experiencing PTSD, which can develop after experiencing or witnessing a traumatic event, and can include mood changes, behavioral symptoms, and intrusive memories.

It is encouraging that you have sought help from both a psychologist and a family practice doctor, and that you have tried various medications to manage your anxiety and depression. However, situational anxiety remains a significant concern for you, and you are understandably seeking more mental peace.

In addition to continuing therapy and medication, there are a few other steps you might find helpful. For example, engaging in regular exercise or relaxation techniques like meditation or deep breathing can help manage anxiety symptoms. Connecting with others who have experienced similar traumatic events can also be valuable; consider seeking out support groups or online communities for those experiencing PTSD.

As you continue your journey towards healing, remember to be kind and compassionate towards yourself. Recovery is a process, and progress is not always linear. Celebrate small victories along the way and recognize that healing takes time.
Thank you!
 
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