Sweetleaf
MyPTSD Pro
So I have logically deduced at this point, that my neighbors are just making noise in their garage. Playing music and stuff, I don't even know, just a lot of noise. It's Saturday, it's the late afternoon - it makes sense. I've done it a lot myself many years ago. This is -NOT- something that normal-me, pre-trauma me, would give a shit about. No big deal, I am a musician so I really don't care about other people's noise making. It would be hypocritical of me, lol. So in a like, "should people allowed to do this?" sort of way, I am totally okay with their noise making.
But I guess PTSD doesn't give a shit about my opinions.
Despite knowing the precise source of the noise, I am still feeling strong anxiety, like something very bad is about to happen. That sort of feeling. Like a cat that's been startled by some loud, sudden noise, that's how I feel - except it's drawn out, and lasting past when I figured out exactly what the noise was.
My abuser would get -very- agitated by the same sort of thing going on. Often, neighbors being -hearable- at all, would precipitate a day of suffering for me. I think maybe, hearing neighbor noise is triggering my physical/mental responses like it is, because neighbor noise became associated with my abuser becoming more volatile, angry, abusive, and just worse in so many ways?
Does anyone relate? Does this make sense? Is this why I have such a problem with hearing noise through walls, or noise from outside?
But I guess PTSD doesn't give a shit about my opinions.
Despite knowing the precise source of the noise, I am still feeling strong anxiety, like something very bad is about to happen. That sort of feeling. Like a cat that's been startled by some loud, sudden noise, that's how I feel - except it's drawn out, and lasting past when I figured out exactly what the noise was.
My abuser would get -very- agitated by the same sort of thing going on. Often, neighbors being -hearable- at all, would precipitate a day of suffering for me. I think maybe, hearing neighbor noise is triggering my physical/mental responses like it is, because neighbor noise became associated with my abuser becoming more volatile, angry, abusive, and just worse in so many ways?
Does anyone relate? Does this make sense? Is this why I have such a problem with hearing noise through walls, or noise from outside?