Is my subconscious telling me I'm not looking at things it's showing me?

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
I often have nightmares now about random people raping or assaulting me, sometimes it's my abuser assaulting me but it's never him raping me. I had an assault/near rape by random guy on Saturday night and on Sunday night I had a nightmare where I was told I wasn't abused but given pictures of me and grandad that were 'slightly inappropriate' I was too scared to look at them and felt sick then the dream ended. It's like my own subconscious is being like I keep showing you things but you don't want to look at it. I don't know if that's what my brain is actually doing though. Has anyone else had this? What do you think about it? I wasn't even thinking about past nightmares recently cause I was trying to learn Japanese.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
Was the near rape on Saturday night a trauma that happened to you or a dream? Sorry, my confusion in understanding what you have written. If it wasn't a dream but a horrible event that happened to you, i'm so sorry that happened. (Are you safe now and safely away from the person?)
And could well trigger a nightmare about your grandad and trigger a memory resurfacing through a dream/nightmare.

Some of my memories came back via dreams and it's very confusing working out what's real and what's not. A memory or a dream? Underneath, deep down, I had a 'knowing' that it was a memory. But I had blocked it from my mind so successfully that it just created such confusion about what I could believe. But ultimately, why would we invent this stuff?

When you ask if your subconscious is asking you if you're not looking at stuff it's showing you, sounds to me that you are looking at it as you're on here asking about it? It's a process to figure it all out, which you are doing?
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
Was the near rape on Saturday night a trauma that happened to you or a dream? Sorry, my confusion in understanding what you have written. If it wasn't a dream but a horrible event that happened to you, i'm so sorry that happened. (Are you safe now and safely away from the person?)
And could well trigger a nightmare about your grandad and trigger a memory resurfacing through a dream/nightmare.

Some of my memories came back via dreams and it's very confusing working out what's real and what's not. A memory or a dream? Underneath, deep down, I had a 'knowing' that it was a memory. But I had blocked it from my mind so successfully that it just created such confusion about what I could believe. But ultimately, why would we invent this stuff?

When you ask if your subconscious is asking you if you're not looking at stuff it's showing you, sounds to me that you are looking at it as you're on here asking about it? It's a process to figure it all out, which you are doing?
The near rape was a dream I had on Saturday night. Sunday night was the dream of being shown innapropriate pictures but in the dream I was too scared to look at them and I don't know if that second dream was like my brain telling me I'm not really looking at what it's showing me but I'm not sure. I know I've been having recurring rape and sexual assault nightmares normally with random guys, but I wonder if my brain is trying to tell me things and when I couldn't really think grandad had raped me it gives me a dream where I'm too scared to see what happened. No one else believes he held me down (only saw this in flashback) I don't remember it and cause that's not how he abused others they don't believe it cause abusers apparently follow a pattern and him holding me down on a bed doesn't follow that pattern. I heard my mum talking to my sister couldn't hear everything but my sister said I just need to move on no matter what did or didn't happen but I can't.
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
but I wonder if my brain is trying to tell me things and when I couldn't really think grandad had raped me it gives me a dream where I'm too scared to see what happened
Could be....
No one else believes he held me down (only saw this in flashback) I don't remember it and cause that's not how he abused others they don't believe it cause abusers apparently follow a pattern and him holding me down on a bed doesn't follow that pattern
I’m sorry no one else believes this could be a possibility. But, just because they don’t believe it, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. I don’t know about patterns....abusers going to abuse. Does it really have to follow a pattern? I think that might not be true. and that alone shouldn’t be used to discount what‘s going on for you.
heard my mum talking to my sister couldn't hear everything but my sister said I just need to move on no matter what did or didn't happen but I can't.
I’m sorry they said that and that you overheard. I think a lot of people don’t understand. It must have felt horrible hearing that. of course you can’t just move on! You’re trying to find out what happened, and process, and come to terms with it. Maybe they are struggling to know how to help you so they want you to have come to terms with it already....who knows. But either way, this will take time and you’re brave tackling it all.

edit to say: ah, glad nothing happened to you on Saturday other than the nightmare.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
Could be....

I’m sorry no one else believes this could be a possibility. But, just because they don’t believe it, doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. I don’t know about patterns....abusers going to abuse. Does it really have to follow a pattern? I think that might not be true. and that alone shouldn’t be used to discount what‘s going on for you.

I’m sorry they said that and that you overheard. I think a lot of people don’t understand. It must have felt horrible hearing that. of course you can’t just move on! You’re trying to find out what happened, and process, and come to terms with it. Maybe they are struggling to know how to help you so they want you to have come to terms with it already....who knows. But either way, this will take time and you’re brave tackling it all.

edit to say: ah, glad nothing happened to you on Saturday other than the nightmare.
I told mum he did hold my arms down in the restaurant once when we were leaving and she couldn't believe it happened cause she would have seen someone would have seen he wouldn't have held my arms down and touched me in a restaurant with people around. And I didn't show any distress at the time. I still can't really see him raping me but I've had recurring nightmares before and then remembered abuse so I'm scared I really was raped.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
What do people think snake nightmares mean? I had a snake nightmare last night. Sometimes it's just a snake on my neck or body like last night and sometimes a guy turns into a snake sometimes I'm going to have sex with them and their penis turns into a snake and moves across my whole body or just keeps moving all the way in and out of me and it feels horrible.
 

Roland

Confident
I've had them my whole life, as well as was abused my whole life, starting in early childhood. I think since my mind/subconscious couldn't comprehend messages like "dad is my enemy" my traumas and fears vented themselves as snakes. Whenever I get more comfortable with myself and what I've been through I have more empowering dreams of snakes. On a weirder level, I think of snakes as a shadow spirit animal (representing negative and shadow parts of myself, it's the most powerful kind of spirit animal, but easy to become a phobia since it is parts you struggle to accept).

For you it's pretty clear the connection between men, touch, and snakes. It's more direct than mine. Mine tend to be a snake bites me, or I'm surrounded by thousands of snakes outside and terrified, I used to dream my brother was holding a snake and scaring me with it.


The empowering snake dreams are more without the terror or hesitation. I will dream about having a pet snake or someone I know having a pet snake and me being comfortable with it. Once I dreamed I was walking barefoot in a swamp and thousands of small green snakes were beneath my feet.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
I've had them my whole life, as well as was abused my whole life, starting in early childhood. I think since my mind/subconscious couldn't comprehend messages like "dad is my enemy" my traumas and fears vented themselves as snakes. Whenever I get more comfortable with myself and what I've been through I have more empowering dreams of snakes. On a weirder level, I think of snakes as a shadow spirit animal (representing negative and shadow parts of myself, it's the most powerful kind of spirit animal, but easy to become a phobia since it is parts you struggle to accept).

For you it's pretty clear the connection between men, touch, and snakes. It's more direct than mine. Mine tend to be a snake bites me, or I'm surrounded by thousands of snakes outside and terrified, I used to dream my brother was holding a snake and scaring me with it.


The empowering snake dreams are more without the terror or hesitation. I will dream about having a pet snake or someone I know having a pet snake and me being comfortable with it. Once I dreamed I was walking barefoot in a swamp and thousands of small green snakes were beneath my feet.
I never understood before why I'd always get snake nightmares especially the ones with the guys penis turning into a snake. Now I'm thinking maybe it's to do with past sexual abuse. If I was raped maybe cause I wouldn't understand what his thing was maybe I just associated it with snakes. This is all just a theory.
 

Roland

Confident
I never understood before why I'd always get snake nightmares especially the ones with the guys penis turning into a snake. Now I'm thinking maybe it's to do with past sexual abuse. If I was raped maybe cause I wouldn't understand what his thing was maybe I just associated it with snakes. This is all just a theory.
It makes a lot of sense, it's a way of your mind dealing with it, and expressing it symbolically.
 

Lilac98

Policy Enforcement
It makes a lot of sense, it's a way of your mind dealing with it, and expressing it symbolically.
Snakes either appear on me, guys turn into snakes, or bad people throw a snake at me they're always horrible. I remember ages ago having them nearly every night and being scared to sleep. Now they don't happen as often but they're still horrible. It's just weird having things that suggest I may have been raped as a child but still having no memory of it.
⏺️I had a flashback of grandad holding me down on a bed
⏺️After this flashback I kept getting throbbing in my vagina on and off. It was happening for weeks.
⏺️I've had snake nightmares where a guys p turns into a snake and goes on my body and in me
⏺️I have recurrent rape and sexual assault nightmares which I never used to have and I had the first rape nightmare a week before the flashback of grandad holding me down on a bed.
 

Roland

Confident
Snakes either appear on me, guys turn into snakes, or bad people throw a snake at me they're always horrible. I remember ages ago having them nearly every night and being scared to sleep. Now they don't happen as often but they're still horrible. It's just weird having things that suggest I may have been raped as a child but still having no memory of it.
⏺️I had a flashback of grandad holding me down on a bed
⏺️After this flashback I kept getting throbbing in my vagina on and off. It was happening for weeks.
⏺️I've had snake nightmares where a guys p turns into a snake and goes on my body and in me
⏺️I have recurrent rape and sexual assault nightmares which I never used to have and I had the first rape nightmare a week before the flashback of grandad holding me down on a bed.
It's definitely hard to sort out, and unfortunately, no one can know what you've been through exactly except you.
 
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