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Deleted member 50975
I am probably suffering from PTSD but my main diagnosis is BPD. SOMETIMES the BPD is a manifestation of the trauma and other times the BPD is the reason for why the emotionally or physically painful thing happened to me. Either way...just wanted to give some context for why I'm asking this.
Is there a forum here or even somewhere else online where all of human society's rejected people can go to be safe and talk?
I've known for a long time that I don't belong here on Earth. The fact that I experienced traumas in the first place was due to my BPD...we humans consider sensitive people to be a liability so we mistreat them so they either die or kill themselves...or at the very least remove themselves from the gene pool.
I've done my part by not having kids. I haven't really built up the courage to kill myself yet. If I could find a truly safe place anywhere...where I am understood as the runt of society's litter, where I can be with other runts...maybe I wouldn't have to kill myself.
See, I was born very sensitive and have had poor health all my life despite being very into health. My mother abandoned me in my crib to cry for hours and my dad beat me, screamed at me, and insulted me. They were following animal instincts to get rid of me. Other kids never wanted me around. My brother physically threatened me often and he cut me out of his life completely 2 years ago. My mother told my husband she wished for a long time that id kill myself so she could be free. My dad couldn't wait to unload me on someone and was glad my husband was up to the task.
I have very few friends and cant keep a job. I'm usually a very hard worker desperate to finally be loved and accepted but it never happens. I leave because the stress overwhelms me.
I have felt for a long time the biological truth of my existence....i shouldn't be here. I didn't deserve to be mistreated of course but I know why I was. It was the human family trying to remove me. Because I am a liability.
Where can I go to be among the other rejected ones? They will understand what this existence is. They will know why it's hopeless and maybe we can just hug until the lights go out forever.
Is there a forum here or even somewhere else online where all of human society's rejected people can go to be safe and talk?
I've known for a long time that I don't belong here on Earth. The fact that I experienced traumas in the first place was due to my BPD...we humans consider sensitive people to be a liability so we mistreat them so they either die or kill themselves...or at the very least remove themselves from the gene pool.
I've done my part by not having kids. I haven't really built up the courage to kill myself yet. If I could find a truly safe place anywhere...where I am understood as the runt of society's litter, where I can be with other runts...maybe I wouldn't have to kill myself.
See, I was born very sensitive and have had poor health all my life despite being very into health. My mother abandoned me in my crib to cry for hours and my dad beat me, screamed at me, and insulted me. They were following animal instincts to get rid of me. Other kids never wanted me around. My brother physically threatened me often and he cut me out of his life completely 2 years ago. My mother told my husband she wished for a long time that id kill myself so she could be free. My dad couldn't wait to unload me on someone and was glad my husband was up to the task.
I have very few friends and cant keep a job. I'm usually a very hard worker desperate to finally be loved and accepted but it never happens. I leave because the stress overwhelms me.
I have felt for a long time the biological truth of my existence....i shouldn't be here. I didn't deserve to be mistreated of course but I know why I was. It was the human family trying to remove me. Because I am a liability.
Where can I go to be among the other rejected ones? They will understand what this existence is. They will know why it's hopeless and maybe we can just hug until the lights go out forever.