Growing up under stress as a child, you learn the cues, you become both aware of your surroundings and self aware. You can handle a lot of things at a time. You are good at making sure other's are feeling Ok. Ect. Then you become an adult and engage in self sabotaging behavior! But you used to be a lityle super human! Always keeping everything straight and being strong, and always knowing what to do! Smart in school, helpful to other people and aware of what's going on. Why would you now!?, as an adult?!, start to engage in stupid! Self sabotaging behavior?! WTH!!!? Attention? Disappointed that you could be strong when needed but looking around, why weren't THEY strong?! I want to be good and strong and help but why can't they do the same?!!! Do I get screwed over by being loving and strong?! Why can't someone ELSE be loving and strong!? i'm trying to do the right thing by facing and healing my own trauma so I don't take it out on other people. Why can't others do the same?! Oh, I guess they have the excuse when they hurt others, "um, well, I was abused". Um, well, I was too!!! But seriously, would I use this reasoning to sabotage all the hard work I did iver the years to get to where I did in my life?! Or did I really not have all the support I needed and that's the "excuse" for my self sabotage!??