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Is this Avoidance?

Thread starter #1
Crazy question- changing phone providers- is it avoidance/ isolation to not port my number?

Has anyone done this? (I only ask because I did it several times with unlisted land lines in the old days, but part of that was required/ safety reasons). It feels tempting to find another way to 'accidentally' disconnect, I guess. Or maybe. Idk. Start new and disappear. Though I can't disappear work-wise. :( I have to decide before end of month.

Thank you!

(I apologize if this should be in the Avoidance category? :confused: )
 
#2
Avoidance as a symptom - in the sense of avoiding any/all aspects of your trauma / that remind you of your trauma? CritC? I guess that would depend on who has your number.

C. Persistent avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidence by one or both of the following:
  1. Avoidance of or efforts to avoid distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).
  2. Avoidance of or efforts to avoid external reminders (people, places, conversations, activities, objects, situations) that arouse distressing memories, thoughts, or feelings about or closely associated with the traumatic event(s).
Avoidance as a coping mechanism - in the sense of isolating / cutting off sources of stress, related more towards attempting to manage CritE // Dysregulation?

Sure sounds like it.

E. Marked alterations in arousal and reactivity associated with the traumatic event(s), beginning or worsening after the traumatic event(s) occurred, as evidenced by two (or more) of the following:
  1. Irritable behavior and angry outbursts (with little or no provocation) typically expressed as verbal or physical aggression toward people or objects.
  2. Reckless or self-destructive behavior.
  3. Hypervigilance.
  4. Exaggerated startle response.
  5. Problems with concentration.
  6. Sleep disturbance (e.g., difficulty falling or staying asleep or restless sleep).
The distinction between the 2? Whether it’s a symptom or a coping mechanism, is one of those things I find pretty durn invaluable, because it gives me different/better tools to use, depending on where it’s sourcing. If it’s a symptom I can face it one of a few ways, to best effect... but if it’s a coping mechanism? Then I can either decide to use it deliberately (as a tool, rather than an uncontrolled reaction), or I can sub different coping mechanisms, that might work better, or have fewer downsides to my life.
 
#3
(I apologize if this should be in the Avoidance category? :confused: )
For what it’s worth?

Figuring out WHAT something is, or if it’s possibly a combo of things, is one of the best uses for the General category. Then? If you want to track down a more specific side of it? Either you can start a new thread in that forum, to explore that aspect; or
- hit report on the thread itself & staff can either move it, or can start a convo with you about it; or
- you can ask the Q directly in Contact Us :)

Report or Contact Us = Always a great choice, whenever you have a concern. Big or small.

We don’t usually reply in thread... (This post & the Q it’s answering may both be moved; but whilst any staff member can move a post? only Admin can move part of a post, so it may be a lil while) ...and although we DO read everything, eventually, it can take a few days until the volunteer from that section sees it. Hitting us up directly will not only get your Q resolved sooner, but it’s a huge ginormous help for us!!! :D

Please do not reply to THIS post. Anyone with questions/comments/concerns, is -as always- encouraged to us Contact Us to get in touch with staff directly. Thanks!!!

We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread :sneaky:
 

joeylittle

Administrator
#4
It feels tempting to find another way to 'accidentally' disconnect, I guess. Or maybe. Idk. Start new and disappear.
Can you re-frame this into what would actually occur?

People deliberately change their phone numbers for all sorts of reasons. "Start new and disappear" strikes me as an exaggeration. If you can write out what the benefits and disadvantages are, you might get a clearer sense of whether you're avoiding, or dysregulating, or...just changing your phone number.
 
Thread starter #5
Thank you @Friday & @joeylittle .

That helps a lot @Friday , never thought of it that way. It actually has elements of both, but I wouldn't have acknowledged the first. Maybe explains why it feels complicated.

Yes that's right @joeylittle . Avoiding and disconnecting, while dysregulated I am thinking. Maybe feels a lot more required and urgent than it should. I mean, it should be no big deal, either way, irl.

ETA Hands down that old shrill ring from the old days phones is a terrible trigger that you could peel me off the roof from. But actually, though it (only) stresses me out when the phone rings (so I put it on vibrate), and I wish a few didn't have my number/ abuse past, trying to get over it/ reconcile, I also actually hate to bring myself to use it. I have a repeated nightmare/ memory of calling to no avail. I guess I'd like to just throw the whole phone in a lake. :rolleyes: :laugh:
 
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osiris

MyPTSD Pro
#6
I guess I'd like to just throw the whole phone in a lake. :rolleyes: :laugh:
This made me laugh, as it’s my feeling exactly.
I have a hideous relationship with phones for a whole bunch of reasons, some trauma related and some not.

I changed my number as a way of avoiding my father many years ago which worked I guess as we haven’t spoken since - but it made life difficult trying to reach out to everyone else who needed the new number :rolleyes:
 
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#9
Is having two or multiple numbers a possibility?

Give out the number selectively & specify who, and under which circumstances, and how, is to reach you on the other?

I get if a financial issue it may not be feasible. But privacy wise might soothe some concerns?

As to the wish to just go dark & drop off all links one can...

(Soo know that spot :tup: )

Can you source out the needs beyond it, instead?

And aim to meet those?

I'd very much have a long line of eg about life / possibilities I'm thinking might be fueling it, as just to start brainstorming, but it's also well possible your need to walk out on something is from a different corner altogether...

Hence asking what's the reasons behind / what's too much. :sneaky:
 
Thread starter #10
Is having two or multiple numbers a possibility?
Wow that is a great suggestion I never thought of, for work-wise. Idk, my old phone had 2 sims, don't know if I can with this one. I need to keep some work texts in case I have to grieve it.
Can you source out the needs beyond it, instead?
Idk of any needs. It just seems an opportune time/ opportunity with everything in flux & needing to change plan, in the same way one throws away things or pictures, whatever.

It really isn't that big a deal if I cross out who I phone vs vice versa, or who I talk to rarely. If I haven't talked to them in a year or they don't contact me it won't be noticed or soon forgotten.

I actually tried to find the computer pblms thread to ask, but I couldn't so posted thread. In the posting it occurred to me maybe avoidance.

Thank you. :hug:

ETA, I do recall just reading, "How do you know you're deteriorating?", the answers were, see if your thoughts have changed; moods have changed; behaviours have changed. Maybe it's that simple, under the circumstances.
 
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