Is this dissociation?

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
So... I've had been under constant stress for few weeks and also I'm super anxious. Then last night something made me so afraid I slept bad. And then few different things went very wrong.

After lunch, I laid on the couch to rest. I felt like I had no energy. I though maybe to watch favorite series to recooperate. Instead for 2 hours I couldn't get up. I didn't watch, I didn't sleep but it was like I was in a haze and had no energy. And like I wasn't able to remember what day it is, like time had stopped and everything was far. It wasn't very restful at all. It was more like everything that made me anxious was painful and I just had to not feel it for a while. But also like for a while I couldn't snap out of it even if I could think of better ways to rest. I just couldn't move or be me or be awake.

When I snap out of it it felt like after having flu, felt weak and dehydrated. And honestly surprised that it had been only 2h as it felt like more.

There was a time when I had awful anxiety and couldn't function much, and that happened to me a lot. Thankfully it's been a while. Is it dissociation and can I control it?
 

Movingforward10

MyPTSD Pro
I have been like that too at times. Usually when very stressed or triggered.
I take it (don't know if this is right or not) as my 'freeze' response to trauma. It's like if I don't move, or don't feel my body, or I don't exist, then I can't be hurt, it can't be bad. Time just passes and I can have done nothing.
Is that disassociation? Idk. But it's something.
Trying o get out of it is hard as it means 'being back in my body', which is like fighting myself.
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
I have been like that too at times. Usually when very stressed or triggered.
I take it (don't know if this is right or not) as my 'freeze' response to trauma. It's like if I don't move, or don't feel my body, or I don't exist, then I can't be hurt, it can't be bad. Time just passes and I can have done nothing.
Is that disassociation? Idk. But it's something.
Trying o get out of it is hard as it means 'being back in my body', which is like fighting myself.
Oh my God. All of that is so true! It's happening to me again today, so this is twice in couple of weeks after not happening for months. Definitely stress related since it's all stress from all sides right now.

And I feel hypervigilant today all the time. Checking the door is locked many times. Closing blinds in the afternoon because the sun's too much. I was dealing with several issues at the same time,and then this wave hit me again, this inability to cope further than basic tasks, this being frozen and unable to cope for a while.

I don't know how to snap out of it until I do, which is bad. It's like until one point things are bad but I'm coping, and then suddenly my mind decides to take vacation for few hours... But at least I'm starting to grasp why it comes, clearly the stress and that feeling of running out of time...
 

ruborcoraxxx

MyPTSD Pro
My go to mode of being at the moment. I really goes like a hungover. I can't even feel my body okay, sounds are somehow muffled, I can't make sense of whatever is going on unless it's microscopic. I feel like I've became a whoolly mammoth. There is puff all around me and the world. That's how I forgot my keys between school and home and realise I actually had them. Today that happened again with stuff I consciously put in my pockets and that I couldn't find... Inner pockets.
 

SeekingAfrica

MyPTSD Pro
My go to mode of being at the moment. I really goes like a hungover. I can't even feel my body okay, sounds are somehow muffled, I can't make sense of whatever is going on unless it's microscopic. I feel like I've became a whoolly mammoth. There is puff all around me and the world. That's how I forgot my keys between school and home and realise I actually had them. Today that happened again with stuff I consciously put in my pockets and that I couldn't find... Inner pockets.
I'm sorry you're going through it too. Hope we both get out of it soon. Happens to me too. Forgetting keys inside or an important email when I'm the person people always rely on for good memory. That's how I know things are bad. And when I have days like today when it requires so much effort to be present and not give into bad thoughts, to do anything that washing my hair feels like too much effort. When That happens I know it's bad.
 
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