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Is this it?

Discussion in 'General' started by 419can.dance, Jul 10, 2018 at 6:45 PM.

  1. 419can.dance

    419can.dance Active Member

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    This week has been the most difficult to say the least. Over the last six clients I have a been spiraling into a more depressed state that I found myself before starting therapy. They say things will get worse before they get better they do. I find myself every day watching the clock counting down the minutes until I can go to sleep. Until I can fall into this restless realm of nightmares I called sleep.

    When will my life be normal again? When can I claim the safety of my dreams? When will tomorrow stop affecting today?

    I have a very good streak of good days. Marked as manic can be easy. But the nightmares and the flashbacks are no less. I am in talk therapy and DBT therapy with a little improvement shown.

    I feel like a basket case.
     
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  3. ladee

    ladee All the hard work has been worth it ! Premium Member Donated

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    It gets much better. What we tend to forget when we are on the healing journey, it how it took for us to get to the point we had to have help, and be committed to doing what we have to do to heal. It IS hard work, and it hurts. And we do have good days. Those are the days we need to keep in mind when things are bad. We do have good days, that turn into weeks, that turns into months.

    I can only say for me, that at some point, I just accepted, this crap is going to hurt till it doesn't hurt anymore. But I let that push me into the next thing I had to do ... we do get weary from the pain. I always describe it as 'my soul is weary'... just plain tired and weary. And then we have a breakthru, and things get better.

    It's a roller coaster ride, I'm not going to lie to you. I felt better when someone said that to me... it let me know it's the process.. that it wasn't because I wasn't doing enough or good enough or smart enough and on and on. The things we tell our self when times are hard. It took time for all those things to pile up and get tangled. Going to take time to sort it out. I'm sorry, wish there was an easier softer way. We wouldn't need to be here getting and giving support.

    The CBT T I had, helped me so much. To learn other ways to look at things, other ways to do things... to unlearn the things that served no purpose in my life anymore.

    Keep going to therapy, keep up the work, come here and get it out. Ask questions, read others situations so you know you aren't alone. Get it out here, we are always going to understand.

    Hang in here, it gets much better. I can say this, from my own experience and reading others here, we are some of the bravest and strongest people on the planet... and that includes you. Things change, we change. hang in here...

    Sending you gentle hugs of encouragement if you accept... it does get better.:hug:
     
  4. shatter eyes

    shatter eyes Well-Known Member Donated

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    Healing is around the corner... keep going!
     
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  5. Congruency

    Congruency Tumultuous Uprising Premium Member Sponsor $100+

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    I took me years to understand I was on a healing journey rather than a destination to a spot in time. I have moments where all of my symptoms seem to disappear for a time. Though something small or big could trigger me thus causing my symptoms to become problematic again. I've been on this healing journey for 29 plus years and have noticed it has ups and downs. Not to mention that I've had PTSD since I was 3 years old. So that would make it 62 years of dealing with PTSD with 29 of those being a healing journey. Not bad I'd say considering I could've suffered without a clue about healing for the rest of my life.
     
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  6. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    :hug:

    Are you on meds?
     
  7. 419can.dance

    419can.dance Active Member

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    I am on a short list of meds
    Sleep
    Nightmares
    Anxiety
    Depression
    Mood stabilizer

    I am working hard on noticing the good days. And you are right there are good days. But even at the end of a good day I sit and criticize myself for actions through the “good day” that triggers a bad night.

    I always love reading your responses! Thank you for the hugs. :hug:
    I am on that survival path I can’t wait to say I SURVIVED
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 11, 2018 at 12:01 PM
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  8. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    Ok, I was just curious... I know meds have given me much stability. Are the meds providing any stability?
     
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  9. 419can.dance

    419can.dance Active Member

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    I have noticed some help with my mood swings. But the depression is still overwhelming most days. And when it’s not depression it’s mania
    I hate asking for new meds I feel like a drug seeker. Ugh.
     
    ladee likes this.
  10. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    Of course I’m no doc, but it sounds like your mood stabilizer may need tweaking. Either a higher dose or a different one.
     
    Sietz likes this.
  11. ladee

    ladee All the hard work has been worth it ! Premium Member Donated

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    You aren't a drug seeker. You are seeking help for symptoms out of your control... If you feel it will help ask.... we deserve help, but if we don't tell those who are trying to help, they can't help... wishing you luck on finding something to help you get a little bit of balance, and then when you apply the tools you have, you will feel more success.... just hang on...let me know how things are going... :hug::hug:
     
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  12. SpiritSong

    SpiritSong myptsd.com depend$ upon YOU!!! Premium Member Sponsor $100+

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    I just got to a stable point with Trauma Based CBT and am happy with the results so far. My T said if something stirs up again, we can address it then, so I am down to therapy every 2 weeks now. Eventually we are shooting for once a month, I guess. Hang in there, it gets a lot better.

    I have had the mood swings too, but I take several different meds that help with that. I still do get some of them, but the meds "take the edge off of it."
     
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  13. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    Docs are only going to see you as drug seeking if you come in and want the heavy hitters like benzos or opioids and the like.
     
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