General Is this normal PTSD behavior?

[paigelove]

I've been casually seeing a combat veteran with PTSD for a couple months, although we've been friends for years. Several days ago, we were in the middle of making plans for a getaway next weekend when he suddenly dropped off and has been radio silent ever since. I know for sure that September is an anniversary month for him and a bad one at that, and he also has an immensely stressful job in healthcare. Based on this, I'm trying my best to be understanding and not have too many expectations, but it comes off as super flakey if not all together uninterested.

 

[Sweetpea76]

Sounds familiar honestly. Could very well be PTSD.

 

[LuckiLee]

It's also the anniversary of 9/11. My veteran is being a little s#it right now. I'm taking my own space for now. His moods are all over the place.

Sounds like PTSD to me.

 

[Friday]

Super normal.

Not everyone with PTSD isolates in response to stress, anniversaries, etc… but a helluva lot of us do. THAT part? Is rarely negotiable. HOW one goes about isolating, on the other hand, often has at least some wiggle room.

How did he handle stress when u2 were just friends?

 

[Friday]

It's also the anniversary of 9/11. My veteran is being a little s#it right now. I'm taking my own space for now. His moods are all over the place.

Cha. I’ve been a braindead asshole, feeling just spectacular (read; calling off work level of “no”), since the 5th. I keep thinking I’ll be fine in a few minutes, a few hours, later tonight, tomorrow morning, I just need another shower, another coffee, another cigarette, another bottle of bourbon, another nights sleep… just need to wake the f*ck up, something, some thing, one of these f*cking things has to work sooner or later <roll eyes>. I’ve been figuring it was being a big damn crybaby about not being in Haiti / Louisiana. Which is probably part of it. But I always feel like a worthless lazy lard ass this week. And I always forget.

 

[LuckiLee]

*Afghanistan* is kicking his ass too. Lots of emotions about that. Sorrow and anger are at the top of the list (And the holidays are right around the corner. Yay! lol)

paigelove, have you and your veteran had a conversation about PTSD yet? (Or 20 million conversations?) Has he shared about his symptoms and how he deals with them? If not? That should happen eventually. When he's in a *good* place.

Communication is important in any relationship. In my humble opinion in a PTSD relationship, it is vital. I need certain information so I can make informed decisions. I don't need to know about his trauma but I do need to know how he deals with his stress and symptoms. Otherwise, I'll just think he's " super flakey and all together uninterested".

I hope your Veteran is able to open up to you more. Is he in therapy?

Good luck and welcome to the forum!

 

[paigelove]

Thank you for your replies. It helps to know you're not the only one. Some years he seems to be doing better than others, but he typically tends to plummet right around now. What should I do if/when he reappears—act like nothing has happened?

 

[Sweetpea76]

It depends on how important it is to you. You have to pick your battles sometimes. If it was a major inconvenience, then bring it up. If you’re comfortable letting it slide, let it slide. He may be making it a way bigger deal in his head than it is, and it caused a stress reaction. Sometimes letting it go, or letting him know you’re not upset, is the best thing.

I’d see how soon he pops his head out of the sand, and what kind of state he is in when he does.

 

[Freida]

yep. 9/11, Afghanistan and a huge anniversary this month for me means everyone in the family knows -- leave me alone.
Because if they don't let me isolate I'm gonna ...well let's go with be super bitchy.
Monsters in my brain leave no time for thinking or caring about how they feel right now
They are lucky if I even realize they are in the same room with me.
ptsd sucks.

 

[paigelove]

Hi all,

A little update on my situation: Vet finally reappeared. We had a nice phone call over the weekend and made plans to go on a sunset hike this Friday, per my suggestion.

However, this morning he texted to say that he most likely has to cancel because he has to take his dog to the vet then has to be somewhere early on Saturday so he doesn't want to be out late the night before. I find this odd since we had already agreed to the hike. Also, don't most vets close around 5-6 p.m. anyway? I don't understand why he can't take his dog in earlier in the day, especially since I know he's off work that day? To be fair, he did send me his availability for next week, but I feel kind of like it's on him to set something else up at this point if that's even what he wants.

Anyway, I know I'm splitting hairs over semantics, but it just feels like I'm getting the brush off again, and I'm trying to figure out why. Could this still be related to his PTSD? Also in a world that preaches looking at someone's actions over their words, how else should I take this?

 

[paigelove]

Hi all,

A little update on my situation: Vet finally reappeared. We had a nice phone call over the weekend and made plans to go on a sunset hike this Friday, per my suggestion.

However, this morning he texted to say that he most likely has to cancel because he has to take his dog to the vet then has to be somewhere early on Saturday so he doesn't want to be out late the night before. I find this odd since we had already agreed to the hike. Also, don't most vets close around 5-6 p.m. anyway? I don't understand why he can't take his dog in earlier in the day, especially since I know he's off work that day? To be fair, he did send me his availability for next week, but I feel kind of like it's on him to set something else up at this point if that's even what he wants.

Anyway, I know I'm splitting hairs over semantics, but it just feels like I'm getting the brush off again, and I'm trying to figure out why. Could this still be related to his PTSD? Also in a world that preaches looking at someone's actions over their words, how else should I take this?

To add: He said he was really excited about the hike, which just makes this even more confusing :/

 

[Sweetpea76]

He made the plans, and then cancelled after the fact? I don’t *know* if that is his PTSD, but it sounds like an old familiar tune to me.

He wanted to go. He made the plans to go. He thought about it. Panicked. Cancelled.