General Is this normal PTSD behavior?

Freida

MyPTSD Pro
Could be ptsd
Could be he's just an asshat
Could be it's a combination of both

But either way you dodged a bullet by not getting involved with a guy who treated you like crap - regardless of his reasons.
 
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paigelove

Thanks for the insight everyone. I was prepared to cut ties for good when he reached out to me on my bday to wish me a good trip and say that he thinks I'm fantastic. I don't get it at all, and it can be very hard to separate out symptomatic behavior from intentional breadcrumbing meant to keep me around. Either way, the only thing I can really control are my expectations, which I'm working on!
 
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paigelove

Having ptsd isn't an excuse for being a jerk. Find someone else that doesn't treat you like a doormat! You deserve better. 🙂
I agree. So could it be argued that many supporters are treated like doormats by their sufferers, whether intentionally or not? Not trying to make excuses for anybody, just trying to understand. And in my defense, I have stood up for myself and also have my own life that I'm continuing to live.
 

Freida

MyPTSD Pro
that many supporters are treated like doormats by their sufferers,
Only if they allow it.

look around at the long term supporters on this site. They set ground rules, they set boundaries, they say "this is not OK" and then they stand by them. They are anything but doormats.

Like @Survivor3 said - PTSD does not give us the excuse to treat people like crap.
If we don't know we are doing it, it's up to our supporters to call us out
Then it's on us if we will do something about it
Your guy? has chosen not to do anything to change his behavior
Now it's up to you to make the choice to accept his behavior or not.
Because chances are he won't change - especially if he knows he doesn't have to.
 

Friday

Moderator
So could it be argued that many supporters are treated like doormats by their sufferers, whether intentionally or not?
Not just argued… people with PTSD often treat their partners badly, which is wrong, and needs to stop.

That said?

There’s universal “badly” like
- lashing out physically (assault in all it’s many flavours, including whilst asleep/ in a nightmare)
- lashing out verbally (swearing, screaming, roaring, bawling, keening… as well as making threats against their own life, yours, others, etc.)
- emotional blackmail (like threatening suicide or divorce if you leave them to go to work, go to sleep, feed the kids, or any other normal & necessary act of life/living)
- blame-shifting // designated asshole (blaming you for their suicide attempt, cutting themselves or other kinds of self harm, job loss, panic attack, being triggered, etc… as if you did that to them, instead of them doing it to themselves)

^^^ ALL of which is straight up ABUSE ^^^

And, yes. It’s often understandable in the moment, but that not only doesn’t make ANY of it okay? It means it is a priority to stop immediately, because it is wrong to treat anyone like that (that you’re not deliberately abusing, say for interrogation or as punishment, and arguably wrong there as well), but even more wrong to treat people you love like that.

And then there’s personal preference “badly”

Which each of us have the absolute right to decide for ourselves how we want our partners to treat us. With far too many possibilities both tied to symptoms, coping mechanisms, and personality to even begin to discuss on a general basis besides Human A doing something that Human B is not okay with.

^^^ I will say a super common one with PTSD is isolation needs/wants not lining up. But that’s very much a lining up thing, because the exact same amount of contact from person A with B? Has B feeling devastated, alone, insulted, angry, etc. But person C? Is annoyed as f*ck at how clingy person A is, and wants them to back off. Exact same person A, exact same in contact style, with 2 different mismatches; both people not okay wih the same behavior, in opposite ways.
 
Why do you think this is in your opinion?

For me, I tend to get into a loop; I have to isolate for reasons I probably could explain, but explaining would break the isolation so I can't tell you until I've done isolating, so the person on the receiving end often feels ignored until I can tell them why I haven't been in touch for so long. And so it goes on....

I've friends with ptsd who do exactly the same, I hear nothing for months, then get a text message explaining they needed time out.

You will find that people with ptsd will rarely contact you at the beginning to explain the situation because its just one more stress we can't deal with at that moment.
 

Friday

Moderator
Why do you think this is in your opinion?
Because it takes time to learn to manage an intermittent & reactive disorder, to relearn self control, & people in pain are both selfish & vicious by nature.

Literal nature, as in fight or flight is a survival mechanism. Even if some one’s knee jerk is flight? A cornered animal in pain will bite. It takes most people time and practice to learn to live in that state without making a pregnant woman or a toddler look like the soul of calm, reasoned, self control.

Which excuses absolutely nothing. Knowing this about one’s self is reason TO (re)learn self control, not a justification to never learn it.

These 2 articles below are the best synthesis & breakdown of the science and practice of PTSD. (700 pages down to 2 or 3? <low whistle> ) And yet, even as concise as they are, are far more complete than anything I’ve read anywhere.

Understanding post traumatic stress disorder (ptsd) (includes the PTSD Stress Cup)

Ptsd diagnosis This one actually translates the medicalise into plain English, which is super handy. Criteria E is where a lot of the “Dammit. Time to relearn self control.” thing comes from, along with aspects of B, C, & D
Criterion E
Criterion E is quite behavioral, such as suddenly yelling at people, getting into fights, reckless or self-destructive behavior (dangerous driving or a sudden urge for extreme sports) excessive drug or alcohol use, self-injurious and suicidal behavior. Criterion E also covers threat potential, such as thinking you will have a heart attack at any time, will die or other accident waiting to happen. You may be jumpy, hyper-aware of your surroundings, suspicious of others and have a difficult concentrating, remembering simple things or even doing multiple things at once like you once could. This all often leads into sleep problems, sleeping a couple of hours nightly or changing your sleep patterns completely.
 
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