Hey. Just found this forum after searching for a while. Haven't found anywhere to turn in my home country (Norway), so I hope you'll have me.
Anyways, long story made short, I was bullied from age 2 to 16. Struggled with an eating disorder from age 21-26, but recovered. Were in some quite dysfunctional relationships, where the last one destroyed my self-worth a bit due to his manipulative way of being. Met a really nice guy two years ago (still together) and we got pregnant very fast. The pregnancy was great, but after labor I almost died due to a very bad infection with sepsis which kept coming back for several months. Due to all this I got a severe post-partum depression which lasted for more than a year. Then, early this year I got sick again. I was hospitalized due to extreme pain in the abdomen, but since it was during a holiday they basically left me to die instead of figuring out what was wrong with me. I had the worst possible pain i.e. child labor times 10000, constantly for 30 hours without stop which the maximum dose of oxynorm (3 times more potent than morphine) wouldn't even dampen, but they did not help me. I have never felt so hopeless in my entire life. I wanted to die so I could be free of the pain. I actually tried stabbing myself with some scissors, but my mum stopped me. They figured out later that I had a very rare form of volvulus with up to 40 percent lethality.
Now, a few months later I still feel wierd. The sleeping is better, although I feel like I can never get enough rest. I'm agitated alot and snap quite frequently at my kid and boyfriend. I need to take time-outs alot, and I'm scared of being alone with my kid in case I feel like it's getting too much. I feel alienated from my friends and family because my life-view has been altered so much. I almost feel more alone when I'm surronded by people, than when I'm actually by myself. I don't care about anything anymore and feel emotionally void. The only place I feel ok is at work when I loose myself deep down in some sciency stuff. Also feel alot of pain (jaw, arms, reflux, heartburn) that I didn't have before.
Does this sound familiar to any of you? Can it be PTSD? Any tips or guidance?
Anyways, long story made short, I was bullied from age 2 to 16. Struggled with an eating disorder from age 21-26, but recovered. Were in some quite dysfunctional relationships, where the last one destroyed my self-worth a bit due to his manipulative way of being. Met a really nice guy two years ago (still together) and we got pregnant very fast. The pregnancy was great, but after labor I almost died due to a very bad infection with sepsis which kept coming back for several months. Due to all this I got a severe post-partum depression which lasted for more than a year. Then, early this year I got sick again. I was hospitalized due to extreme pain in the abdomen, but since it was during a holiday they basically left me to die instead of figuring out what was wrong with me. I had the worst possible pain i.e. child labor times 10000, constantly for 30 hours without stop which the maximum dose of oxynorm (3 times more potent than morphine) wouldn't even dampen, but they did not help me. I have never felt so hopeless in my entire life. I wanted to die so I could be free of the pain. I actually tried stabbing myself with some scissors, but my mum stopped me. They figured out later that I had a very rare form of volvulus with up to 40 percent lethality.
Now, a few months later I still feel wierd. The sleeping is better, although I feel like I can never get enough rest. I'm agitated alot and snap quite frequently at my kid and boyfriend. I need to take time-outs alot, and I'm scared of being alone with my kid in case I feel like it's getting too much. I feel alienated from my friends and family because my life-view has been altered so much. I almost feel more alone when I'm surronded by people, than when I'm actually by myself. I don't care about anything anymore and feel emotionally void. The only place I feel ok is at work when I loose myself deep down in some sciency stuff. Also feel alot of pain (jaw, arms, reflux, heartburn) that I didn't have before.
Does this sound familiar to any of you? Can it be PTSD? Any tips or guidance?