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Childhood Is this sexual abuse?

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Lelers

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Hey there, this is gonna be a long post, so please bear with me.

I’m wondering if my mom’s behavior is considered bizarre/maybe inappropriate, or sexually abusive? She has this weird compulsion to tell me about her sex life, particularly with my dad. I can’t recall what she said most recently, but I remember I replied with something along the lines of, “what the f*ck is wrong with you??” And then I went off about how it’s not a chill thing to do, and it really wasn’t chill when I was a child either. She just laughed it off.

This has historically been an issue. I remember when I was a kid she would explicitly tell me about their sex life. Like, I know my dad’s favorite position, and all his kinks, and his size and performance, and the songs they like to listen to, and the toys they like to use. Basically I know everything because she shares it all. I’m sorry if this is too lewd. She would also go out of her way to tell me when she was going upstairs to have sex with him. I think she was amused by it, and by my reactions. Also, she would often make sexual comments about my body, particularly during puberty. And whenever she’d get a glimpse of me naked (like if I was getting out of the shower or something) she’d stare too long and then make some comment about my development/about me becoming a woman. I’d clearly express I was uncomfortable and try to cover myself up, but she’d do it anyway. And on top of that she would then go talk to my brother about my breasts and pubic hair, etc. I know this because my brother would tell me afterwards. Further, she seemed to always sexualize me and try to encourage me to be sexual. She’d be excited if I was dating someone and would want to know if I was having sex with them. And it didn’t seem to be out of normal parental concern regarding safe sex, she just seemed excited and like she wanted all the details.

I have PTSD due to sexual abuse by a family friend (someone my mother was having an affair with), so I can’t tell if I’m just extra sensitive about her behavior because of the other trauma, or if her behavior was actually f*cked up. I’ve been trying to figure out why I feel so much disgust towards her, which I can’t turn off, even when she’s being fine and pleasant, and I’m wondering if all this plays a role? But I feel like I’m also perhaps making too big a deal out of what may just be her weird, very open personality? There’s a lot of other overt abuse in my past that disturbs me more, so I don’t know why I’m upset by this. So yeah, is she just kinda off, or was she sexually abusive??

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this!
 
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Yes, I would consider that sexual abuse. It was unwanted, invasive and sexual. Even if its not "abuse" it's definitely f*cked up. Would you treat a child or even another adult that way? Even if she was just "off" as you say, what matters is the impact it had on you. That's real regardless of whatever definitions are put on it. And clearly, it's painful for you and makes your relationship with her difficult.
 
She has this weird compulsion to tell me about her sex life, particularly with my dad....when I was a kid she would explicitly tell me about their sex life.
Same thing happened to me as a child. My mother would confide in about her sex life. Completely inappropriate. And it's called covert sexual abuse. There's overt and covert abuse. I had both kinds throughout my childhood by different perpetrators. Both kinds of sexual abuse cause the same problems. You could find more information about it online using a search engine. An excellent book which covers it is The Courage to Heal. I read it ages ago when I first started my healing journey and the book first came out.
 
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Completely inappropriate. And it's called covert sexual abuse.

It indeed is covert sexual abuse. I'd stay away from her since she can't respect or acknowledge your boundaries. How you feel about this is JUSTIFIED! She made YOU feel uncomfortable... then laughed it off. Power trip. You're not wrong at all in how you feel about it.

Don't doubt your experience. You're right about it! Are you getting any professional help with your past abuse?
 
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