Isolated and in need of ranting

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Ok, I haven't posted for a while and haven't been supportive like I'd like to be...I think that part of the reason is because I am busy with three children under the age of 3 and also partly because I have been dealing with my symptoms negitavely. I want so badly to be the success story, to give all the readers looking for hope a glimmer, but even after the most significant trauma is now 14 years ago, I still find myself struggling with PTSD. I have also started self medicating with pain meds and I am ashamed of this and also scared by it. I thought that after I have my first two girls', I would never again do anything to harm myself, but I know that I was wrong. I don't get out at all and my husband is not supportive of me at all, so I guess that's why I've taken to trying to deal with my symptoms by getting numb.
You don't worry about providing support for others.
Make sure you are taking care of yourself first!

And actually threads like this one are good,
because I know others have felt the same thing.

Take care of yourself, you can do this,
My theme song for this time in my life is called "Breathe Me" by Sia. It sums up how I feel and how I am looking at self harm...again. Hang in there. Find someone to support you. I will send thoughts out there that the perfect person will appear. Just keep an open mind and you will be surprised at the good that is in store for you.
Don't worry so much about being the success story. Just keep hanging in there and take the best care of yourself that you can...things will fall into place as long as you keep trying to help yourself.
Echoing what the others have said. Don't put any undue pressure on yourself. Just take care of yourself and be kind to yourself. There's always support here.
Miander, what you have maybe missed here also, is that you have identified all this on your own. You just identified the negatives, and are now looking for positives. For that, well done. So then, what do you believe is the best way forward for yourself?
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