Sufferer Isolating and struggling to cope

Paige…

New Here
Hi everyone,
My name is Paige, I hope you’re all good.
I’m not particularly sure what I’m supposed to type here. I’m going to try my best & give this a go though. I’ve struggled with PTSD since I was kid. My PTSD comes from an extremely difficult, traumatic, abusive childhood. I’m 31 now. I just can’t seem to get a handle of my illness. 1 day everything is amazing, the next day… I feel like I’m not even apart of my own body or if I do like my mind plays sick tricks on me, thoughts that just don’t stop, I’m constantly on alert. Paranoid & at times unbearable for others to be around. I struggle most days it’ll be like a 3 or 4 good days out of a month. I just feel like I can’t cope. You know, the 1 step forward 2 steps backwards type deal. It feels like I can never make the right amount of steps to make it even, I feel so unbalanced, misunderstood and alone. I have zero trust in other people and because of that… I isolate myself to feel safe. But even then it’s like a double edged sword because I want so badly to be able to let people in. To have a normal life (whatever normal is.) Yet when it comes down to having someone in my life I subconsciously seem to push them away. I’ll leave this here for now. Thank you for reading this. I’m sorry if it’s a bit long or not the right thing I’m supposed to say. Don’t wanna overload anyone. Anyway. Thanks again. - Paige
 

Sideways

Moderator
Welcome to the forum. Sorry that you're having such a tough time - this place can be great to find strategies to help manage some of those impossibly difficult symptoms. And definitely it's a great place to start to break the chronic isolation - we have the Social forum which is great when you're struggling to have people in your life.
 

Paige…

New Here
Welcome to the forum. Sorry that you're having such a tough time - this place can be great to find strategies to help manage some of those impossibly difficult symptoms. And definitely it's a great place to start to break the chronic isolation - we have the Social forum which is great when you're struggling to have people in your life.
Thank you so much.
 

Freddyt

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome Paige!!

Great place for help with coping - and for a substitute social life - where you don't have to leave home.

A great place to start is:


And if you have questions searching may find a thread on what you want or you can start one. Everyone worries at first if they are posting in the right place but if you do get it wrong one of our fantastic mods will let you know it got moved and to where.

BTW - if you note @Sideways is one of our mods and there is a Contact Us link in their posts if you need help.....
 

Starfish

Confident
Hi everyone,
My name is Paige, I hope you’re all good.
I’m not particularly sure what I’m supposed to type here. I’m going to try my best & give this a go though. I’ve struggled with PTSD since I was kid. My PTSD comes from an extremely difficult, traumatic, abusive childhood. I’m 31 now. I just can’t seem to get a handle of my illness. 1 day everything is amazing, the next day… I feel like I’m not even apart of my own body or if I do like my mind plays sick tricks on me, thoughts that just don’t stop, I’m constantly on alert. Paranoid & at times unbearable for others to be around. I struggle most days it’ll be like a 3 or 4 good days out of a month. I just feel like I can’t cope. You know, the 1 step forward 2 steps backwards type deal. It feels like I can never make the right amount of steps to make it even, I feel so unbalanced, misunderstood and alone. I have zero trust in other people and because of that… I isolate myself to feel safe. But even then it’s like a double edged sword because I want so badly to be able to let people in. To have a normal life (whatever normal is.) Yet when it comes down to having someone in my life I subconsciously seem to push them away. I’ll leave this here for now. Thank you for reading this. I’m sorry if it’s a bit long or not the right thing I’m supposed to say. Don’t wanna overload anyone. Anyway. Thanks again. - Paige
I identify with your struggle. Some days I tremble a lot and am pretty non-functional and definitely hide from people. It has been going on for years so I understand the frustration of one step forward etc. I just have to take a day at a time and see what my nervous system will allow. It makes life very restrictive. That's all I will say for now as today is one of those trembling days.
 

Vin777

New Here
I can identify with the isolating--especially when I feel the PTSD overwhelms others in social settings. The interactions left when you can't really share feel shallow. You're definitely not alone, sending you good wishes.
 

Tinyflame

MyPTSD Pro
HI @Paige… . That is a fine introduction, and you don't have to worry as much about overwhelming people here, as we all have to be responsible for what we can manage. And most of us can relate to much of what is posted!

I do think it isn't a linear journey, and of course everyone is different, but looking back some of the deeper regret I have is trying to manage or function without acknowledging the difficulties. i can't say I'm crazy about who or how I am now, but accepting myself more allows me to accomplish some things important to me, versus when I accomplished more but ultimately fell apart anyway, and kind of whte-knuckled through on autopilot, denial, and trying to be 'normal' (the washing machine setting) or 'average', often using unhealthy coping mechanisms to do it.

I think some of the bigger challenges for me have been denial, shame, guilt, avoidance, giving up, a lack of self-compassion and not asking for help. Because realistically I can change or grow (s-l-o-w-l-y) but I can't be someone I'm not. If I think too much about it or compare myself to others I get discouraged or depressed, but it just isn't my experience of how contending or overcoming this is. I'd like not to have to contend with it but it's there. There is truth in the sayings baby steps, and peeling an onion, and 2 steps forward one back. And that it's more painful to address stuff than even when it occurred. (But that is normal. 😊).

Welcome to you! I hope you can find knowledge, support and understanding here, and much healing.
 
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