Isolation and guilt

I'm lucky enough to be in a position that I can heal at home. After moving back home my mother (While once an abuser) has heard of all the trauma I went through and is letting me stay home and just get ready to go back to school. I hate leaving my room. I haven't left the house in... months... honestly. I feel disconnected from the world and from people.

My sister and my father are pressuring me to get a job while they are states away. I honestly don't know if I could keep a job the way I am right now. I have panic attacks all the time. Triggers are inconsistent and random at times. I am just... I can't even shower anymore. But I have so much guilt... I know I'm not just "being lazy" or not trying hard enough... I just... I feel like a failure. I feel like I'm lying to myself. I don't know..


Back when I was young, people used to believe that if you just got a job, you would be fine. My brother had schizoaffective disorder and my father was convinced he needed a haircut and a job. I know some of this carries over and they probably think they are being helpful. You are right, you aren't being lazy and I've never heard that a job cures PTSD.

What are you doing to get ready to go back to school? Are you in therapy? That might be a good idea while you are not working, sometimes trauma therapy can be difficult. Welcome to the forum and I hope you find some good resources here.
I know they probably mean well but it doesn't help it just makes me feel even more guilty ... I am in therapy! I'm trying to get back into regular sessions instead of just once in a while. As far as school goes I've set up some advising appointments and I should be taking some summer classes soon. Thank you!