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Isolation - struggling to meet new friends

Discussion in 'Avoidance' started by morgan, Nov 14, 2007.

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  1. morgan

    morgan Well-Known Member

    I recently graduated from a ptsd program after being a shut-in for the last two years. Now I'm supposed to make new friends. I did well in the program and all that good stuff but, I still fear having new people in my life. I made a few friends in the program but, those are long distance relationships. So I guess I'm trying this online thing now. I don't really feel ready to go back out there in the world but I know If I don't I'll stay sick. The real problem is, I still like being alone. I think I'm too numb to feel lonely. :wall:
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  3. Seeking_Nirvana

    Seeking_Nirvana I'm a VIP

    I like being alone too. I haven't tried to make new friends in a very long time and I have no desire to. I don't feel numb I just don't like conflict with friends; it's a trigger for me to get way to angry.

    I think when you are ready to meet new people you will venture out and start meeting them.

    Good luck!
  4. baileysemt

    baileysemt Active Member

    This is something we share in common, very muchly! :)

    For me, interaction with others requires an extraordinary amount of energy, to keep myself up and maintain the contact. I have issues with control & helplessness, so I suspect that it might be so stressful and difficult for me because I am not in control of the other person or the interaction; I can only control my physical presence and reactions, I can't control anything else. Again -- just a guess!! -- I don't really know.

    Online relationships are much easier for me too. I can login and participate when I feel strong enough. If I am too tired or emotional, I don't have to login right then, I can put it off 'til I'm ready to deal with it. I can participate from the security of my bed in my jammies if I want (thanks to my laptop) and nobody is any wiser for it. If the other person says something I don't like, I can delete it. If they piss me off, I can block them from my server. :) I am in control.

    It's not that I don't want my friends to be unique or do their own thing; exactly the opposite is true! They are my friends because we see things and behave similarly; we have many things in common. I understand them, and bless their hearts, they understand me too. :)

    What wears me out and frightens me is unpredictability. I hate surprises -- always have. Surprises are NOT fun to me. Although I enjoy having a flexible work schedule, I do not at all like having an abrupt, unannounced change in plans. If I am planning on having a quiet evening, for instance, I get tossed totally off-kilter when something unannounced pops up and disrupts it. If I have prepared for the possibility of something coming up (for instance, I am always prepared for my ambulance pager to go off... it's a contingency I've happily accepted and accommodate) that's fine, but unplanned changes in the status quo are a huge stressor for me.

    When I get out and in social settings, I feel like the chance for unplanned changes (surprises) increases tremendously. I have no control of outside surroundings. Noisy places, like a bar, or a restaurant with terrible acoustics, just tells my brain that a surprise is even more likely, and that sets me on edge. It is exhausting to try to maintain my sanctity and composure in that kind of setting.

    Sorry this is so long. Thank you for opening this thread though; you really helped me to look inward and pinpoint what it is, exactly, that causes this reaction in me. I really appreciate that. :)

    :) Bailey
  5. logan

    logan Guest

    welcome here i'm still nebeie her but have found a lot great info
  6. TheDeepestScar

    TheDeepestScar Member

    I struggle to meet and create new relationships with people because honestly, I don't know how. I do not know how to talk to people. I'm always afraid that people are going to start to talk about me when I'm not there and say bad things, that they are going to stop talking to me altogether.

    Needless to say I am not a people person. If my husband and I go out without the children and it's a social type environment, I tend to hide behind him and not make eye contact with anyone.

    I don't know. It's like I prefer being alone cause then no one can hurt me but I hate being lonely. Those are contradicting statements that don't even make sense to me.
  7. vst

    vst Active Member

    Close personal friends can be a wonderful gift. When you can find one or two people you can trust (and trust is not easy for me) you feel connected to humanity. Connection with others very hard for people with PTSD.

    Friends may break your trust, but that also happens in non-PTSD friendships. We will have panic attacks, but we can fight the panic attacks. I like to win the fight.

    I do prefer my own company and can become agoraphobic. Sometimes it is hard, but I make the effort to go out and be social. For me work is a safe place and gives me some self confidence. Work makes me deal with others on a non-personal level.

    Take your time and when you are ready to meet others, you will. When you do go out, make a plan and stick to it. I have safety plans for different situations I may run into. Above all, keep yourself safe.


  8. EmoxxKid

    EmoxxKid Active Member

    Hey I added you to my friends list, I sure hope we can speak soon and good job on all the work your doing for yourself dude!

  9. morgan

    morgan Well-Known Member

    thanx for all the feedback and thanx Geneva for adding me to your friends list. I know why I'm scared to make new friends, I've been robbed and betrayed so many times that I don't trust myself to find decent people. In fact I've gone to the other extreme in that I don't believe anything anyone says or does to be true or honorable. I was in fact quite gullible. I refuse to be so now but, I'm having trouble finding the middle ground. All I know to do is try again gradually so I'm starting here where it's relatively safe. thanx again for the feedback. So far so good in that respect.
  10. hollyberry

    hollyberry Active Member

    i can relate morgan, its so hard too meet new people. i can also relate to being gullible. think everone is telling the truth, have a real hard time figuring out if someones lieing to me. most of friends I had in area think I'm too needy. Been trying to meet some by posting, a few have responded but not many. makes me wonder if I'm to needy here too. But got to remember that everyone here has got this same thing I have and I might trigger their shit. Healthy ones went back and got their lives back and check in once in awhile. they probably see so many newbies come and go and don't want to get attached to someone else thats just going to disapear. so hang in there maybe all of us newbies can be each others support.
  11. ovation228

    ovation228 Member

    I'm trying to make new friends, but I don't really know the area since I'm relatively new here. Where do you go to meet people in a big city and its suburbs? I try to meet people in my work, but I'm a contractor and haven't been in the same office more than 6 months.

    I am really afraid that the people I meet will get the wrong impression from me if I withdraw from the world every now and then. I've also got the weight of having failed in my marriage. I doubt my capability to have a working relationship on any level with anyone.

    Talking to people online is definitely easier and has many advantages for people in our situation, but my therapist says I need more real life interaction.

    I wish you the best in making new friends. It's definitely easier said than done.
  12. becvan

    becvan Queen of the Blunt! Premium Member

    Who with PTSD is now healthy and just left to get their lives back?

    We all support each other. It is not the newbies vs. the old ones. This is not a divide and conquer game. People get busy, people get sick. We post and support as we can. Please do not judge others just because your not getting the amount of responses that you want.

  13. Kathy

    Kathy I'm a VIP

    I agree Bec. Additionally, whilst people do make friends upon this forum, this is not a friendship forum as far as I'm aware. Its purpose is support and education, it is not something along the lines of MySpace or Facebook and should not be treated as such.
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