Relationship Isolation with depression?

Jin

Learning
Did she ever respond to you?
No,but at least she response to friends or family only
She might need more time to heal but its better for me to move on

Her therapist told me that she need time to heal but she still care about me, so I will focus on myself 1st
 
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Justmehere

Sponsor
Yeah, as a sufferer, I can say that I think you are wise to just move on. No need to reach out again.

I hope you find someone new who is the right fit.
 
B

BLH75

I wouldn’t text her then. I would cut my losses and move on.
This is something I struggled with myself after first learning of my ex's PTSD. The more he pushed me away, the more fear I had that he would harm himself or feel abandoned so I pushed to get him to talk. If I texted and he didn't answer, I would text again. I never understood the push-pull dynamic that was happening and didn't understand or see my responsibility in it. In hindsight I wish I hadn't pushed so hard but the isolation was too hard to take. Everything felt so personal and I would just react based on my emotions and not what he was enduring.

It reminds me very much of the Idealize, Devalue and Discard relationship dynamic although I know it is not the same. The effects on the supporter or "chaser" are feelings I could not contend with without communication which he could not provide.

I have found a wealth of useful information on this forum and I feel like I better understand him, myself and our relationship after having had read it. The BUG issue I have with being a supporter... it freaking HURTS and there is no fast acting remedy. In this relationship whenever my ex pulled away, I became the "chaser" and I have never been that way in a relationship before. It made me feel insecure, unimportant and unloved, so how can I feel so much love for this man? I don't understand my own head and heart most days, the confusion of being so entwined in a relationship dynamic like this has really impacted me. I feel obsessed with getting back to where we were or fixing it and It's very unhealthy.
 

Friday

Moderator
In this relationship whenever my ex pulled away, I became the "chaser" and I have never been that way in a relationship before. It made me feel insecure, unimportant and unloved,
I feel obsessed with getting back to where we were or fixing it and It's very unhealthy.
That’s the thing...

Some people? Loooooove the chase / being the chaser. It’s exciting, and interesting/challenging, and it suits them right down to the ground.

And some people? Love both intensity AND independence (most career military spouses, for example? Tend to lose their minds when their spouse retires, and instead of 40 years of honeymoons & freedom? The eedjit is just there. All. The. Time. From a passionate and freewheeling tango to a shuffly boring waltz that never changes. & Vice versa).

If those styles don’t suit YOU, and aren’t what you want in a relationship? Being in a relationship with someone in the military, or someone with PTSD who isolates, etc. (etc = countless other jobs, and many other personality styles/preferences).. Is just going to make you miserable. Because it’s not what you want. And there is no “fixing” it... because it’s not broken. It’s their career, or health, or personality. It’s just also not what you want.
 
B

BLH75

That’s the thing...

Some people? Loooooove the chase / being the chaser. It’s exciting, and interesting/challenging, and it suits them right down to the ground.

And some people? Love both intensity AND independence (most career military spouses, for example? Tend to lose their minds when their spouse retires, and instead of 40 years of honeymoons & freedom? The eedjit is just there. All. The. Time. From a passionate and freewheeling tango to a shuffly boring waltz that never changes. & Vice versa).

If those styles don’t suit YOU, and aren’t what you want in a relationship? Being in a relationship with someone in the military, or someone with PTSD who isolates, etc. (etc = countless other jobs, and many other personality styles/preferences).. Is just going to make you miserable. Because it’s not what you want. And there is no “fixing” it... because it’s not broken. It’s their career, or health, or personality. It’s just also not what you want.
I agree with what you’re saying and I believe as strange as it sounds; I do enjoy the chase. That’s probably why I have still been attached to this man after years of the push / pull without a known cause or reasoning. I do enjoy the “non mundane” and the passion and energy it brings when he’s feeling on.
What I struggled with was the no communication and avoidance intimacy. I wish I could have coped better but I also wish he treated me better. I never felt like I had a place and just when I think I had, he’d go into isolation and shut me out.
 
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