Hi! I haven’t posted here for a while, but something has been on my mind. This is a sexual abuse and also therapist issue, so not sure which area this would be best in. I was out of therapy for a while, but now am back seeing my therapist of about 6 years.
At one point many years ago, we were processing my childhood sexual abuse.
I was a 4 year old child and the abuser was a 13 to 14 year old girl. I have clear memories of most of it (not all of it) but my perception was that of her being an adult. Her abuse involved full on grooming and included oral and object rape.
In my session, my T was expressing how this girl must have been a victim herself and that she had a lot of shame. My T said, “She projected her shame onto you.”
This therapy pathway in no way helped me, but I didn’t really bring that up at the time. It is only many years later, getting back into therapy, that this has been bouncing around my brain and is bothering me.
I do plan on bringing this up to her when I can handle those sexual abuse sessions.
My issue is that I am not interested in humanizing her or understanding HER experience. I have no sympathy for her. I feel satisfied thinking about how what she did to me is a crime. I put much of my feelings into a song and when I listen to that song I literally feel like she had slowly murdered me and warped me. I don’t care that she likely learned it somewhere. I was abused and when I was a teen I was moody drew in my sketch book all the time. She was very odd too, like highly narcissistic.
I think often about this one news story where two 11 year old girls tried to murdered a classmate in the woods and it was a horrible stabbing, the girl survived. This story makes me feel better because it underlies that teen girls can be capable of heinous crimes and can be perpetrators, but my T painted her as a victim.
I also think that if my mollestir had been a 60 year old man, would she have said, “He was a victim too? And he had shame?”
An underlying issue is that I told my mother, because it had gotten unbearable. She believed me, but sort of passively blamed me like I was an equal player. The girl seemed like an adult to me and it is one of my major traumas.
Perhaps the larger issue is that it’s not super common to be hurt by a women or a teen. Also, I struggle with feeling like because this was a teen girl that it was somehow not as bad as if it had been a male and much older.
There are compounding issues like not ever getting any therapy as a child for this and being blamed. My mother also told me that I was “chosen” because I was different and wore glasses.
Anyways, I feel somewhat angry or annoyed at my therapist. Please tell me your thoughts as I always get great responses here.
At one point many years ago, we were processing my childhood sexual abuse.
I was a 4 year old child and the abuser was a 13 to 14 year old girl. I have clear memories of most of it (not all of it) but my perception was that of her being an adult. Her abuse involved full on grooming and included oral and object rape.
In my session, my T was expressing how this girl must have been a victim herself and that she had a lot of shame. My T said, “She projected her shame onto you.”
This therapy pathway in no way helped me, but I didn’t really bring that up at the time. It is only many years later, getting back into therapy, that this has been bouncing around my brain and is bothering me.
I do plan on bringing this up to her when I can handle those sexual abuse sessions.
My issue is that I am not interested in humanizing her or understanding HER experience. I have no sympathy for her. I feel satisfied thinking about how what she did to me is a crime. I put much of my feelings into a song and when I listen to that song I literally feel like she had slowly murdered me and warped me. I don’t care that she likely learned it somewhere. I was abused and when I was a teen I was moody drew in my sketch book all the time. She was very odd too, like highly narcissistic.
I think often about this one news story where two 11 year old girls tried to murdered a classmate in the woods and it was a horrible stabbing, the girl survived. This story makes me feel better because it underlies that teen girls can be capable of heinous crimes and can be perpetrators, but my T painted her as a victim.
I also think that if my mollestir had been a 60 year old man, would she have said, “He was a victim too? And he had shame?”
An underlying issue is that I told my mother, because it had gotten unbearable. She believed me, but sort of passively blamed me like I was an equal player. The girl seemed like an adult to me and it is one of my major traumas.
Perhaps the larger issue is that it’s not super common to be hurt by a women or a teen. Also, I struggle with feeling like because this was a teen girl that it was somehow not as bad as if it had been a male and much older.
There are compounding issues like not ever getting any therapy as a child for this and being blamed. My mother also told me that I was “chosen” because I was different and wore glasses.
Anyways, I feel somewhat angry or annoyed at my therapist. Please tell me your thoughts as I always get great responses here.