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Dom Violence It took me years to get out...

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BlueWeepingRose

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Please be supportive as possible. This is very hard for me to come forward about this and sometimes I still can't believe that it happened. I've blamed myself for a very long time for this and often as of right now I'm working on my self esteem.

I met him at Walmart and we connected. First we we were friends and eventually we got together. In the beginning he was sweet, caring, loyal and our love making was great even. For once I met someone who loved me or so I thought and overtime I began to notice that something wasn't quite right. I chose to ignore it thinking I was just simply being paranoid and thinking too deeply into things. Overtime things got really bad and than it seemed to have shifted into worse. It's as if crept up on me.

He was emotionally distance, gave me silent treatments, verbally and emotionally abused me, treated me like a sex object, we had blown up arguments which later I blamed myself for and his anger was aggressive. Anytime he got angry, I was scared of him. Overtime I had to be careful with what I said because it seemed as if anything pissed him off. I I said hello to someone or smiled, I was flirting. If I held the door open for someone, it meant that I wanted to sleep with them, I couldn't be friends with any females or males because he feared that I'd cheat on him. He called me ugly, he called me a slut and so many other names that I seriously have forgotten due to having so much anxiety and depression.

There were times where he'd stalk me online, want passwords to certain accounts and get mad at me if I didn't come outside right away when he came to pick me up from my home or pick up the phone when he called. My self esteem was so down and so low that inside I felt numb and overtime I began hating myself or hating when I even spoke for that matter cause anything I said never pleased him. I couldn't say anything right without him flipping out and once he drove down the road like a madman because I broke up with him and he put so much fear into me that I ended saying that it was a mistake and sorry for even saying that.... Even though I wanted to get out, he emotionally blackmailed me, threatened me and told me he'd kill me if I cheated on him ever.

Anytime I tried to get away from him or when he disappeared on me, eventually he came back and it took me so long for me to get out. He'd apologize to me, cry, plead and tell me that he changed. So many of my friends and even my family told me to never go back to him... and as crazy as it seems I was defending him and I have no idea why. Sometimes I feel very ashamed of this for even happening and I blamed myself for so long for this abuse and other times I seriously thought I deserved it. I'm not saying what I went through was worse than anyone else's abuse, I just want my story to be heard. He lied to so many people and told people that I hurt him.... Many people believe him and took his word over mine. He's also the person who raped me and I'm scared to death to tell anyone about it, including my family or the police because I fear what might happened. It's taken me almost a year and a half to tell many people about what happened. There's so many things that happened that my head is wrapped around in so much confusion. I just wanted to get this out.

Please be supportive because I honestly need it right now. I just want somebody out there to know that I'm not crazy like he says I am. He even tried to convince me that something is wrong with me when I clearly know that nothing is wrong with me. I was in an abusive relationship and sometimes I still fear him and have trouble sleeping. I've had a few guys try to get into a romantic relationship with me but I'm not even close to ready and I can't even think of sex for that matter because he treated me like a sex object. For once I want to focus on myself and heal and I don't think thats selfish at all. For those who's been abused: trust me you're not alone and I wish I could give you a huge hug right now.
 
Everything you've said about him is classic abuse, you're not crazy or stupid or got anything wrong with you at all. It's amazing how similar abusers are because he sounds very like one of my exes and other people's abusive exes I've read about too. Sending you hugs and support :hug::hug::hug:
 
I wish I could give YOU a great big hug right now you poor lass ((((hugs))))) you've been to hell and back darling but you lived to tell the tale God bless you. It wasn't you it was definitely him all the bloody way girl. I was with a man like this for 23 years but unlike yours he never chased me or tried to get me back because he knew given how much he had me f*cked up and dependent on him like a bloody drug I would always chase him instead. No matter sweetheart what I'm trying to say is you will get over him as long as you always remember you did nothing wrong to deserve his awful mistreatment of you and it really could have been anyone he did this to, it just happened to be you so it's not personal. I know it feels like it is really personal because of how much it hurts but that's what they do babes, it's how they are programmed from stuff they went through growing up, they don't know any better or different. You wasn't his first victim and you won't be the last flower. Just be glad you got shot of him before he could wipe you out totally. Believe me you will survive this and in time you will be stronger braver and wiser for the experience. He wanted to destroy you because he was insecure and had self esteem issues and hated himself. He wanted to bring you down to build himself up hun. Next time you come across a bloke like this run not just walk to the nearest exit, don't engage and don't look back. You're worth so much more than that darling please believe me. We all are. Another big (((hug))) love and best wishes for a speedy recovery from an arsehole that just wasn't good enough for you not the other way round. Don't believe his lies. Xxx
 
I hear you. I know the shame. Took me 21 years to get out. I had kids to him. He threatened to keep them from me and I was much much younger and vulnerable, unwell, gaslit, kept under psychilogical and pharmacological control and basically, mentally tortured. I got so ill I nearly lost my life and/or my mind. Completely.shattering. So I hear you. It's the worst. I'm so glad you (and I) are out of there!
Lots of self-care and therapy is how I got through. Also study, friends and my kids.
I'm still working through stuff. But I'm getting there. Take care! You deserve proper care and love and good friends!
 
Hi @BlueWeepingRose.. Bastard.... That's what he is... Scum..... He pretended to be amazing... At the start... How were you to know he wasn't like that. He got exactly what he wanted.. Control, power and his needs being met... As I said bastard.
You are amazing just as you are.... You have done nothing wrong..
He was one manipulative man... Good riddance... Thankyou God your not still with him....
In time you will be fine... Time.. Take care
 
Thank you for all you're comments and responses to my thread. I just wanted to ask because I hope I'm not going off the deep end here. I have a really hard time trusting people and taking people's word for that matter because my Abuser used to lie to me so much that now I have a hard time believing them. After he abused me, I feel as if my trust with people is not existent and I'd like to be able to trust people again but I have a really hard time. Know their not my abuser and their not the ones abusing me, but anytime they say something, I just don't take their word for it. :(

Does anyone else relate with me? I'd make a new thread but I just thought it be better if I responded on here first to see if I got any responses from anyone. Thank you! :)
 
It takes a long time to repair your trust in others. What was destroyed in a relationship must be healed in a relationship. Do you have a therapist? It took me almost 3 years to trust my therapist. I still don't trust others a lot. I really have a problem with that. I seriously thought I deserved it too. I was numb after a time and worked lots of overtime to support him through law school. I never wanted to go home. I really understand what you mean.
 
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