pamcoco
Sponsor
I took 85 xanax. It wasn't that special of a night, I was alone as usual, abandoned by friends and family as I have been for more than a decade. My moody boyfriend had the flu and yelled at me for being "too needy". the note I left: Sorry mom, I cannot bear to be sick one more day.
But I am sick, ill to the point of suffering daily with a diagnosis of Chronic Lyme, and heart problems doctors refuse to explore and so many symptoms, aches, and pains I could never recall in order to list. Lyme is some sort of a political frenzy, nothing that I care about, but something that has caused any hope I had to come to a screeching halt.
I woke up 5 days later in my bedroom, my boyfriend spoon feeding me ice cream. My only memory other than that was a brief moment in the ICU when the staff was punching me in the arms. I woke up and said STOP HITTING ME. They said they would if I would behave, otherwise I would "never get out of here". I still have faint bruises.
Since then, I came down with a respiratory infection so severe I fractured my rib coughing. My numerous infections in my mouth, legs, feet and the vaginal lichen sclerosus inherited from my mom, torturing me. The Afib I feel daily reached a new level of severity...
I set it all aside and went all out for a wonderful christmas. But my mom after missing 2 days of crucial meds ended up ill, then seriously ill and in the hospital. From her bed she disclosed that my brother on a drug bender a few weeks earlier had called my entire family and her friends to let them know that I was poisoning her.
The verbal assaults that began that evening in the ER by my family, have led to a week of disrespectful accusatory attacks and defamation. My mother chuckling at the absurdity, claimed to be too ill to take any action on my behalf. The crazy accusations have festered in the minds of the sick family members I had told myself I would always avoid.
She is to be released in the next few days and I am now supposed to nurse her back to health in the context of complete crazy accusations. I am the only one in the state of Oregon and my eldest misogynistic brother will return to the Philippines this afternoon, claiming to have flown in to rescue her, but leaving before he need do a thing.
My boyfriend now states that: "this anger you have is destroying you. You gotta find a way to let it go. I know how you feel about your brothers. But he is your mother's son. I think he has a right to see her. It's not right for you to blame your mom for his coming. Barring her getting worse in the next 15 hours, he'll be gone."
Sorry, but I think he is clueless and my brother didn't just come to visit he refused to leave so I could see her alone and has publically accussed me of witholding the information of her health status and even taking her phone away so no family could contact her. Meanwhile I watched my mom laugh at not answering the calls coming in on her cell. She has had her phone since she finished the numerous tests in the ER 6 days ago and I have sent updates with every doctors visit. My mom. knowing my state, has taken no action to protect me in any way, shape or form.
My brother has a right to see his mom and apparently according to my boyfriend to accuse me of causing her illness, withholding info from her family and purposefully harming her.
Go figure, I am feeling hopeless again...
But I am sick, ill to the point of suffering daily with a diagnosis of Chronic Lyme, and heart problems doctors refuse to explore and so many symptoms, aches, and pains I could never recall in order to list. Lyme is some sort of a political frenzy, nothing that I care about, but something that has caused any hope I had to come to a screeching halt.
I woke up 5 days later in my bedroom, my boyfriend spoon feeding me ice cream. My only memory other than that was a brief moment in the ICU when the staff was punching me in the arms. I woke up and said STOP HITTING ME. They said they would if I would behave, otherwise I would "never get out of here". I still have faint bruises.
Since then, I came down with a respiratory infection so severe I fractured my rib coughing. My numerous infections in my mouth, legs, feet and the vaginal lichen sclerosus inherited from my mom, torturing me. The Afib I feel daily reached a new level of severity...
I set it all aside and went all out for a wonderful christmas. But my mom after missing 2 days of crucial meds ended up ill, then seriously ill and in the hospital. From her bed she disclosed that my brother on a drug bender a few weeks earlier had called my entire family and her friends to let them know that I was poisoning her.
The verbal assaults that began that evening in the ER by my family, have led to a week of disrespectful accusatory attacks and defamation. My mother chuckling at the absurdity, claimed to be too ill to take any action on my behalf. The crazy accusations have festered in the minds of the sick family members I had told myself I would always avoid.
She is to be released in the next few days and I am now supposed to nurse her back to health in the context of complete crazy accusations. I am the only one in the state of Oregon and my eldest misogynistic brother will return to the Philippines this afternoon, claiming to have flown in to rescue her, but leaving before he need do a thing.
My boyfriend now states that: "this anger you have is destroying you. You gotta find a way to let it go. I know how you feel about your brothers. But he is your mother's son. I think he has a right to see her. It's not right for you to blame your mom for his coming. Barring her getting worse in the next 15 hours, he'll be gone."
Sorry, but I think he is clueless and my brother didn't just come to visit he refused to leave so I could see her alone and has publically accussed me of witholding the information of her health status and even taking her phone away so no family could contact her. Meanwhile I watched my mom laugh at not answering the calls coming in on her cell. She has had her phone since she finished the numerous tests in the ER 6 days ago and I have sent updates with every doctors visit. My mom. knowing my state, has taken no action to protect me in any way, shape or form.
My brother has a right to see his mom and apparently according to my boyfriend to accuse me of causing her illness, withholding info from her family and purposefully harming her.
Go figure, I am feeling hopeless again...