JustJeri2215
New Here
I cried myself to sleep last night to the sound of my husband snores. When I woke up this morning I can't shake the thoughts of suicide. Everything I look at is just inspiration. Usually this only happens after I have been triggered. I kind of feel like I have been but all I did was wake up? I was going to talk through this with my husband but we ended up getting into an argument. I'm upstairs in my bedroom trying to meditate these thoughts out of my head. My eyes keep wondering to the cable cords in the corner of our room. I have used them once before to create a slight break in my wind pipe. Right now I miss the comfort of having it around my neck knowing I had the power to end all of the pain that is my existence. My 2 year old daughter is downstairs. . .I don't want to think these things or act on them when I obviously have to perfect reason to fight this just a few steps away.
I just can't keep up anymore. The last talked I had with my T ended with a new diagnosis, CPTSD. I live in my hometown where all of my trauma took place triggers are literally everywhere. I feel like I spend my day trying to claw of of the stone well that is my PTSD. I fight away trigger after trigger doing my best to shake them off in the most beneficial ways. But no matter what I do/try I end up back at the bottom of the well, drowning. Mornings like today I just don't have the strength to fight my way back up.
I just can't keep up anymore. The last talked I had with my T ended with a new diagnosis, CPTSD. I live in my hometown where all of my trauma took place triggers are literally everywhere. I feel like I spend my day trying to claw of of the stone well that is my PTSD. I fight away trigger after trigger doing my best to shake them off in the most beneficial ways. But no matter what I do/try I end up back at the bottom of the well, drowning. Mornings like today I just don't have the strength to fight my way back up.