It's my time to vent.

PTSDisaster

Confident
After nights, weeks, months of being silenced. It's my time to speak and vent.

One year ago my grandmother got in the hospital and passed away. I went back into survival mode, somehow ignored my agoraphobia and I went on a 2 hour drive to see my grandmother and support my mother, almost every day. When she passed away, an acquaintance of mine arranged the funeral (he is a funeral director). From this moment my sister started hating me for some reason. She was angry that I arranged everything and my mom couldn't do it the way she wanted. Except the fact that my mother asked me to arrange everything with this acquaintance.
Two months later I got some bad news, lost my income and I also decided I didn't want any contact with my father (My father is a narcissist who sexually and emotionally abused me and my sister). I told my sister that I needed to quit some subscriptions to save some money and she was only interested in 'Ugh but I need to find someone else I can have this subscription with'. After that she couldn't even be bothered to tell me the sex of her baby, every event regarding her life/pregnancy I was left out from. That hurt a lot, and that's an understatement.

She never told me what I did wrong, why she's mad or whatever. A few years ago when I became sick of PTSD, she told me she didn't want to hear anything about it because: 'I am very happy now and your misery is making me unhappy, I can't use it.'
My mother visited her a few months ago and she told her all the issues she had with me. For example, me not wanting to speak to my father and going to a therapist because my dad can't defend "his side of the story".

It's all making me a little bit crazy. I'm feeling really powerless, I'm having nightmares and litterally screaming in my sleep. So it's really time that I speak my mind for everyone to hear. I am REALLY confused how she thinks it's a good idea to alienate me when I'm in rock bottom's basement. How can someone make this about them? I was losing weight real fast, vomiting all day for months, I can't leave my house because of my disorder but this is about you?? You must be really really selfish and selfabsorbed to think this has something to do with you and alienate someone.

I don't deserve this, no one deserves this. But sometime I really wish you'd feel exactly the same and finally understand that you're a messed up person for treating me like this.
 
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