It's night again

Mindy

New Here
I am new here. I have been struggling with fear especially at night. I have very bad insomnia. It's causing major health problems having been on chemo the last 13 years off and on. Sleep is when our bodies repair. It's gotten so bad that my body's started to swell retaining massive amounts of fluid much pitting/edema. Have completely lost my appetite. I used to love to eat. I believe in God and try so hard to speak life but my emotions are constantly trying to run the show. We have 5 children and 12 grandchildren and my days are lived in fear for my family and guilt for not trusting God. I was supposed to be in a wheelchair in 2008. I'm still walking. I isolate because of anxiety and fear then guilt because my family needs me. It's a real mess. I've tried redirecting my thoughts. It's a constant battle. I've learned that although I isolate, people are good medicine. I bounce from feeling selfish self centered and guilty to pushing my body to keep going. It's night again and I'm alone, everyone sleeping. I want to be normal so bad, go to bed when my husband does, wake and have energy. My mind does something different especially at night, full of fear. It's there during the day but almost overwhelming at night.
 

Mindy

New Here
Thank you so much. God bless you.

Hi Mindy...I can relate to a lot of what you shared. I'm low on words right now, but wanted you to know youre not alone and remind you that God is faithful.

And I'm praying for you 🙏
Thank you very much for the prayers. I'm new so I think I accidentally posted my reply to you as another post???? It's already helping just knowing I don't have to be up and alone in the night with this anymore. I can reach out and there are other people awake who understand. Thank you again and God bless you.
 

GiByrnes2022

New Here
I am new here. I have been struggling with fear especially at night. I have very bad insomnia. It's causing major health problems having been on chemo the last 13 years off and on. Sleep is when our bodies repair. It's gotten so bad that my body's started to swell retaining massive amounts of fluid much pitting/edema. Have completely lost my appetite. I used to love to eat. I believe in God and try so hard to speak life but my emotions are constantly trying to run the show. We have 5 children and 12 grandchildren and my days are lived in fear for my family and guilt for not trusting God. I was supposed to be in a wheelchair in 2008. I'm still walking. I isolate because of anxiety and fear then guilt because my family needs me. It's a real mess. I've tried redirecting my thoughts. It's a constant battle. I've learned that although I isolate, people are good medicine. I bounce from feeling selfish self centered and guilty to pushing my body to keep going. It's night again and I'm alone, everyone sleeping. I want to be normal so bad, go to bed when my husband does, wake and have energy. My mind does something different especially at night, full of fear. It's there during the day but almost overwhelming at night.
Hello, Mindy - hoping you get a break in the pattern soon. i wrestle w/this too (it’s 12;50 am here, unable to sleep again). Like you, intellectually understand why sleep important, what lack of it can do, but hard to reason w/fears, emotions. Sounds like you are doing a lot to manage it: redirecting thoughts, faith, etc. Sending good thoughts your way tonight.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello mindy. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here. in managing my own psycho weirds, just knowing i am not alone makes a huge diff in how well i can manage the symptoms. it's been a significant number of years since i have suffered sleep deprivation levels of insomnia, but the memories remain fresh enough to keep my plying my daily therapy maintenance rather than risk goin **there** again.

welcome aboard. hope you find stabilizing companionship here.
 
Top