I am new here. I have been struggling with fear especially at night. I have very bad insomnia. It's causing major health problems having been on chemo the last 13 years off and on. Sleep is when our bodies repair. It's gotten so bad that my body's started to swell retaining massive amounts of fluid much pitting/edema. Have completely lost my appetite. I used to love to eat. I believe in God and try so hard to speak life but my emotions are constantly trying to run the show. We have 5 children and 12 grandchildren and my days are lived in fear for my family and guilt for not trusting God. I was supposed to be in a wheelchair in 2008. I'm still walking. I isolate because of anxiety and fear then guilt because my family needs me. It's a real mess. I've tried redirecting my thoughts. It's a constant battle. I've learned that although I isolate, people are good medicine. I bounce from feeling selfish self centered and guilty to pushing my body to keep going. It's night again and I'm alone, everyone sleeping. I want to be normal so bad, go to bed when my husband does, wake and have energy. My mind does something different especially at night, full of fear. It's there during the day but almost overwhelming at night.