Sufferer its still going mental torture at night but....changing

Mr Canis

Learning
Hi
I'm not going to go in depth detail here : I Served in the Police - worked in accident investigation / forensics department, crime scene photography, fingerprints and forensic ballistics as well as policing in remote areas (desert / remote bushland)

I thought over my career I was coping well with all the things I had done and seen over a 14 year period, but it was a fatal car accident (one of many I attended) remotely in bushland that I have come to call the straw that broke the camels back. I watched as this young girl died of significant head injuries, with very limited assistance- a long way from anywhere.....

At a similar time my father became a (Quadriplegic) through a freak accident / I started getting thoughts of suicide / self harm /nightmares - daymares (things that would come to me in the daytime) feelings of rage / anger / hate - hearing small noises at night that would have me on a knifes edge for hrs afterwards- it was like this for years on and off

But after getting better help ( had to go through a whole trial of hit and miss medications) I found what helped, and started a long process of recovery.
I was required to leave the Police specifically due to mental health issues I was diagnosed with severe PTSD / depression / anxiety .

now some 20years on I still have problems from time to time/ still have sleep issues from time to time , but I have also learnt to recognise symptoms and thoughts earlier to get help / up medications / or do whatever I have to do to move forward in a positive manner. (the gift of service that keeps on giving! ) it does get better and it can get better.

I have a lot in life to be thankful for as I'm blessed with supportive family and friends and this remains my positive driver. I cant change my memories but I'm working on lowering the volume of the bad memories-recently after watching a certain series on TV other memories came back that I prefer would have been forgotten.

That said good for me may be as simple as focusing on an insect, animal or a tree, this has taken a long time but it is changing …I hope over time yours on this forum can change for the better as well....Kind regards to you all
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello mr canis. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here

my own recovery has come in inches, but those inches add up before ya know it. when i take the journey in itsy, bitsy baby steps, coping really can be as simple as focusing on an insect, mantra or venting within my therapy support network. i don't believe there is a cure for this disorder, but managing the symptoms to allow for a full, rich life is very possible. for my own recovery nickel, daily maintenance is the key. no big drama necessary. just persistence.
 

Mr Canis

Learning
Thanks I agree daily maintenance and persistence 100% - I’m so glad I’m not angry about it anymore I used to have so much anger about it- I’m in a better place- thank you so much for your comment
 

caroline_13

Confident
Hi
I'm not going to go in depth detail here : I Served in the Police - worked in accident investigation / forensics department, crime scene photography, fingerprints and forensic ballistics as well as policing in remote areas (desert / remote bushland)

I thought over my career I was coping well with all the things I had done and seen over a 14 year period, but it was a fatal car accident (one of many I attended) remotely in bushland that I have come to call the straw that broke the camels back. I watched as this young girl died of significant head injuries, with very limited assistance- a long way from anywhere.....

At a similar time my father became a (Quadriplegic) through a freak accident / I started getting thoughts of suicide / self harm /nightmares - daymares (things that would come to me in the daytime) feelings of rage / anger / hate - hearing small noises at night that would have me on a knifes edge for hrs afterwards- it was like this for years on and off

But after getting better help ( had to go through a whole trial of hit and miss medications) I found what helped, and started a long process of recovery.
I was required to leave the Police specifically due to mental health issues I was diagnosed with severe PTSD / depression / anxiety .

now some 20years on I still have problems from time to time/ still have sleep issues from time to time , but I have also learnt to recognise symptoms and thoughts earlier to get help / up medications / or do whatever I have to do to move forward in a positive manner. (the gift of service that keeps on giving! ) it does get better and it can get better.

I have a lot in life to be thankful for as I'm blessed with supportive family and friends and this remains my positive driver. I cant change my memories but I'm working on lowering the volume of the bad memories-recently after watching a certain series on TV other memories came back that I prefer would have been forgotten.

That said good for me may be as simple as focusing on an insect, animal or a tree, this has taken a long time but it is changing …I hope over time yours on this forum can change for the better as well....Kind regards to you all
Hi Mr. Canis,

Welcome to the site.

I somewhat understand how your line of work can be traumatic... as I have worked in a similar field. Especially in the face of powerlessness and for those of us who are porous and absorb easily. Sorry you had to leave your career, but hopefully that has all worked out for the best.

And yes, I agree, using our focusing powers for good = what we choose to focus on. The support system you have sounds amazing...

Have a great weekend!
 

Mr Canis

Learning
Hi Mr. Canis,

Welcome to the site.

I somewhat understand how your line of work can be traumatic... as I have worked in a similar field. Especially in the face of powerlessness and for those of us who are porous and absorb easily. Sorry you had to leave your career, but hopefully that has all worked out for the best.

And yes, I agree, using our focusing powers for good = what we choose to focus on. The support system you have sounds amazing...

Have a great weekend!
Without my support, family the people and pets included…. It would have been so much harder!
 

Mr Canis

Learning
Been having problems over the past few days- very recently as in few days ago I have been advised I’m nominated for a medal for my service - it’s for being wounded in the line of duty - far out : this has triggered the shit out of me difficulty sleeping/ flashbacks/ crying at night / hyper vigilant- and I was saying how it’s been going well. Miss one crack in the pavement it turns into a hole. I know what I have to do but at times it just seems like it’s always there - the gift from my service that keeps on giving- whilst it’s only a nomination for the medal I’m not entirely sure I want it- in any case IF successful- for everything my wife has done in helping me (us) through this - it’s hers
 

caroline_13

Confident
Been having problems over the past few days- very recently as in few days ago I have been advised I’m nominated for a medal for my service - it’s for being wounded in the line of duty - far out : this has triggered the shit out of me difficulty sleeping/ flashbacks/ crying at night / hyper vigilant- and I was saying how it’s been going well. Miss one crack in the pavement it turns into a hole. I know what I have to do but at times it just seems like it’s always there - the gift from my service that keeps on giving- whilst it’s only a nomination for the medal I’m not entirely sure I want it- in any case IF successful- for everything my wife has done in helping me (us) through this - it’s hers
Maybe you can have someone accept in on your behalf so you don't have to deal with it.

Kudos to your wife.
 
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