Sufferer its still going mental torture at night but....changing

Mr Canis

Learning
Hi
I'm not going to go in depth detail here : I Served in the Police - worked in accident investigation / forensics department, crime scene photography, fingerprints and forensic ballistics as well as policing in remote areas (desert / remote bushland)

I thought over my career I was coping well with all the things I had done and seen over a 14 year period, but it was a fatal car accident (one of many I attended) remotely in bushland that I have come to call the straw that broke the camels back. I watched as this young girl died of significant head injuries, with very limited assistance- a long way from anywhere.....

At a similar time my father became a (Quadriplegic) through a freak accident / I started getting thoughts of suicide / self harm /nightmares - daymares (things that would come to me in the daytime) feelings of rage / anger / hate - hearing small noises at night that would have me on a knifes edge for hrs afterwards- it was like this for years on and off

But after getting better help ( had to go through a whole trial of hit and miss medications) I found what helped, and started a long process of recovery.
I was required to leave the Police specifically due to mental health issues I was diagnosed with severe PTSD / depression / anxiety .

now some 20years on I still have problems from time to time/ still have sleep issues from time to time , but I have also learnt to recognise symptoms and thoughts earlier to get help / up medications / or do whatever I have to do to move forward in a positive manner. (the gift of service that keeps on giving! ) it does get better and it can get better.

I have a lot in life to be thankful for as I'm blessed with supportive family and friends and this remains my positive driver. I cant change my memories but I'm working on lowering the volume of the bad memories-recently after watching a certain series on TV other memories came back that I prefer would have been forgotten.

That said good for me may be as simple as focusing on an insect, animal or a tree, this has taken a long time but it is changing …I hope over time yours on this forum can change for the better as well....Kind regards to you all
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
hello mr canis. welcome to the forum. sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here

my own recovery has come in inches, but those inches add up before ya know it. when i take the journey in itsy, bitsy baby steps, coping really can be as simple as focusing on an insect, mantra or venting within my therapy support network. i don't believe there is a cure for this disorder, but managing the symptoms to allow for a full, rich life is very possible. for my own recovery nickel, daily maintenance is the key. no big drama necessary. just persistence.
 

Mr Canis

Learning
Thanks I agree daily maintenance and persistence 100% - I’m so glad I’m not angry about it anymore I used to have so much anger about it- I’m in a better place- thank you so much for your comment
 

caroline_13

MyPTSD Pro
Hi
I'm not going to go in depth detail here : I Served in the Police - worked in accident investigation / forensics department, crime scene photography, fingerprints and forensic ballistics as well as policing in remote areas (desert / remote bushland)

I thought over my career I was coping well with all the things I had done and seen over a 14 year period, but it was a fatal car accident (one of many I attended) remotely in bushland that I have come to call the straw that broke the camels back. I watched as this young girl died of significant head injuries, with very limited assistance- a long way from anywhere.....

At a similar time my father became a (Quadriplegic) through a freak accident / I started getting thoughts of suicide / self harm /nightmares - daymares (things that would come to me in the daytime) feelings of rage / anger / hate - hearing small noises at night that would have me on a knifes edge for hrs afterwards- it was like this for years on and off

But after getting better help ( had to go through a whole trial of hit and miss medications) I found what helped, and started a long process of recovery.
I was required to leave the Police specifically due to mental health issues I was diagnosed with severe PTSD / depression / anxiety .

now some 20years on I still have problems from time to time/ still have sleep issues from time to time , but I have also learnt to recognise symptoms and thoughts earlier to get help / up medications / or do whatever I have to do to move forward in a positive manner. (the gift of service that keeps on giving! ) it does get better and it can get better.

I have a lot in life to be thankful for as I'm blessed with supportive family and friends and this remains my positive driver. I cant change my memories but I'm working on lowering the volume of the bad memories-recently after watching a certain series on TV other memories came back that I prefer would have been forgotten.

That said good for me may be as simple as focusing on an insect, animal or a tree, this has taken a long time but it is changing …I hope over time yours on this forum can change for the better as well....Kind regards to you all
Hi Mr. Canis,

Welcome to the site.

I somewhat understand how your line of work can be traumatic... as I have worked in a similar field. Especially in the face of powerlessness and for those of us who are porous and absorb easily. Sorry you had to leave your career, but hopefully that has all worked out for the best.

And yes, I agree, using our focusing powers for good = what we choose to focus on. The support system you have sounds amazing...

Have a great weekend!
 

Mr Canis

Learning
Hi Mr. Canis,

Welcome to the site.

I somewhat understand how your line of work can be traumatic... as I have worked in a similar field. Especially in the face of powerlessness and for those of us who are porous and absorb easily. Sorry you had to leave your career, but hopefully that has all worked out for the best.

And yes, I agree, using our focusing powers for good = what we choose to focus on. The support system you have sounds amazing...

Have a great weekend!
Without my support, family the people and pets included…. It would have been so much harder!
 

Mr Canis

Learning
Been having problems over the past few days- very recently as in few days ago I have been advised I’m nominated for a medal for my service - it’s for being wounded in the line of duty - far out : this has triggered the shit out of me difficulty sleeping/ flashbacks/ crying at night / hyper vigilant- and I was saying how it’s been going well. Miss one crack in the pavement it turns into a hole. I know what I have to do but at times it just seems like it’s always there - the gift from my service that keeps on giving- whilst it’s only a nomination for the medal I’m not entirely sure I want it- in any case IF successful- for everything my wife has done in helping me (us) through this - it’s hers
 

caroline_13

MyPTSD Pro
Been having problems over the past few days- very recently as in few days ago I have been advised I’m nominated for a medal for my service - it’s for being wounded in the line of duty - far out : this has triggered the shit out of me difficulty sleeping/ flashbacks/ crying at night / hyper vigilant- and I was saying how it’s been going well. Miss one crack in the pavement it turns into a hole. I know what I have to do but at times it just seems like it’s always there - the gift from my service that keeps on giving- whilst it’s only a nomination for the medal I’m not entirely sure I want it- in any case IF successful- for everything my wife has done in helping me (us) through this - it’s hers
Maybe you can have someone accept in on your behalf so you don't have to deal with it.

Kudos to your wife.
 

Mr Canis

Learning
I have been seeing a T now, I’m finally getting help to go over the trauma memories from so long ago- I’m now starting to see things from a different perspective which is really helpful.
1. The nightmares are actually my brain trying to subconsciously work through the trauma , because it’s to difficult or has emotions with it it can’t- but my take from this is the nightmares are trying to help it’s part of a healing process I also can have more control over these dreams by reframing/ writing them down/ changing them etc going to give it a go
2 the memories that do cause me a problem are because different parts of the brain are being used to “see” them… most normal memories are RECALLED by I believe the hypocampus region in the brain here most memories are filed and processed. memories associated with trauma that have not been processed or dealt with properly will become RELIVED experience not recalled
I found this information really good as it for me started to put this shit info some perspective- I wanted to share this as I thought it may help others-
The help is required to change memories from a relived experience to make them a memory that is recalled ( with less emotional baggage
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
great progress, mister canis. go, team, go. i do, muchly, see my own recovery as a team effort. one cannot climb a lifeline which is attached only to one's own belt. team effort required and my therapy support network is a mighty fine team. some days. . . i fake it 'till i make it on the other days.

for what it's worth
i favor the theory that nightmares are more complex than sweet dreams. trauma and anxiety are pulling from different data banks than dreaming about a picnic in the park. while the picnic in the park stays more true to it's source, trauma/anxiety dreams add on repression, denial and other secondary trauma.

just a theory. proof unavailable. for certain, not all dreams are created equal.
 

Weemie

MyPTSD Pro
RECALLED by I believe the hypocampus region in the brain here most memories are filed and processed. memories associated with trauma that have not been processed or dealt with properly will become RELIVED experience not recalled

Yes. Memories in particular involve multiple aspects of the brain including the hippocampus, prefrontal cortex, septum & amygdala (these are emotional and anger response centers in the brain). Most memories are verbal or iconic (words or images) memories & have little senses attached to them.

Traumatic memories almost always move to the realm of situational access memory which is distinct because it involves sensory input & emotional input simultaneously & also, in PTSD, involves the activation of the brain's survival/threat analysis system (medulla oblongata, pons, the "baser brain") as it did during the experience.

Traumatic memories in PTSD are "encoded" differently than normal memories & so when they are re-experienced they return us to the same level of distress as during the event. In addition to this, the PTSD patient also develops abnormalities in their endocrine system which is responsible for regulation of hormones involved in stress such as norepinephrine, epinephrine, dopamine, serotonin && cortisol.

Filing and processing a memory of an experience while experiencing it as an experience in the moment is extremely difficult. This results in something known as a declarative memory deficit by which our ability to reproduce conscious and emotionally neutral recollections is impaired.
 

Mr Canis

Learning
Honestly from my heart all of you on this forum from all of your backgrounds, all of what you have experienced- I see you all as Legends!!!!!! Wow! What a fantastic group of people- thank you so much
 
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