Strangelongtrip
MyPTSD Pro
Hi all! I’ve been posting recently about a crush I had, I hadn’t met them in person yet and I did recently. When I did, it felt like a friendship. I didn’t have those feelings I had from a distance. I think it was probably mostly a “favorite person” BPD thing, which I haven’t done in years. We talked about that actually and they’ve been so supportive, and our friendship is even better. They’re just an awesome person and I’m happy they’re in my life. We’ll be roommates sometime soon as well.
However, I’m very confused. When I’m healthy mentally and “wise minded” I see them as a friend. I don’t have feelings (and honestly don’t know if I’m capable of having romantic feelings for someone, considering they’re everything I thought I wanted in a partner but I still don’t feel that way, which I’ve been judging myself for tremendously). But when I’m triggered and in a bad mental state, I get really jealous and possessive. I’m not acting out on these feelings, because I know they’re not “me” but a product of trauma.
They’re talking to someone/going on a date soon and when I’m normal minded, I’m happy for them. But when I’m feeling “BPDesque”, I’m jealous. I don’t know how I can be jealous and also happy. I’m thinking maybe I’m jealous they may have found someone, and the crush I thought I had wasn’t real when in person. I feel broken that I still haven’t felt feelings other than BPD favorite person stuff for someone and I’m 23. I just want to figure it all out so I can know myself better and help myself. Thank you!
However, I’m very confused. When I’m healthy mentally and “wise minded” I see them as a friend. I don’t have feelings (and honestly don’t know if I’m capable of having romantic feelings for someone, considering they’re everything I thought I wanted in a partner but I still don’t feel that way, which I’ve been judging myself for tremendously). But when I’m triggered and in a bad mental state, I get really jealous and possessive. I’m not acting out on these feelings, because I know they’re not “me” but a product of trauma.
They’re talking to someone/going on a date soon and when I’m normal minded, I’m happy for them. But when I’m feeling “BPDesque”, I’m jealous. I don’t know how I can be jealous and also happy. I’m thinking maybe I’m jealous they may have found someone, and the crush I thought I had wasn’t real when in person. I feel broken that I still haven’t felt feelings other than BPD favorite person stuff for someone and I’m 23. I just want to figure it all out so I can know myself better and help myself. Thank you!