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Jingel Bells

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Bloomy

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Yeah so daughter confirmed today that she probably will come to me on christmas :geek:
Not gonna make it a problem....

But but but but

Help :bag::bag::bag::bag:

As some of you know I adopted her few years ago and usually she would spend christmas with another extra family. This family will go away this year so it looks like Im to take turn for christmas with her.

I mean - last decade I have not been having any sort of christmas and I cant have either since its reminds me of things I dont want to remember. Its been nice years with my own traditions. Sometimes Ive been alone other times friends has comed for visit. I have nothing that reminice christmas in my house and Ill not get any either.

I get slighty anxiety f the thought that she will spend it with me. Ill say do that she is a very easy going girl to be around so that makes it a lot simpler.

But but but

Ill have to make food and things I think people do in such situation?

Its very strange for me. Im sort of a mom now :ninja: This ordeal confirm responisbility. Was sort of looking forward to be alone for the holiday and do my own things. And now I have a family again that I havent had for ever so long.

Just needed air this it out :ninja:
 
Why not have a conversation with her and see what expectations she has? You two could talk about each of your preferred tradtions and perhaps come to a sort of compromise and meet in the middle?
 
Yeah so daughter confirmed today that she probably will come to me on christmas :geek:
Not gonna make i...
Can you just have snack type foods and do it in the middle of the day? Orrr....pick up food from a restaurant? If it stresses you why add to it?
 
@Silver. @Zoogal
Its not so much about her nor her expetations. Its more about me not being used to have a family and atleast not family that actually likes to be around and with me :confused:

Her expetations is merely just to be with me. Not so worried about makin food since she is used to my food and I doubt she will expect christmas in my house since she knows me.

Sorry I find it hard to express or describe how I feel about this. Maybe there is something about that Im not so used to being mother yet? Never had a real mom my self? And here I am trying to be just that in the best way I can? And maybe I find it somewhat challenging in every day life and now its also christmas?

Maybe I settled for the fact can not have kids and therefor never will have and now here she is and our bonds grow closer the more time we spend and its just weird coming from the relationships I actually do? Ive settled for never being in a family situation again and atleast not on holidays and now comes this? Not to make it a problem, but it does cost me energy since Im un unknown territory learning how to be responsible adult (for now a young woman)? Maybe Im dreading cause it will invetiable remind me of and probably bring up the earlier christmas I had with the family I grew up with? Kind of a sweet pain in the sense that our relationship is diferent but itll remind me of how it was supposed to be in sense of a close and caring relationship?

Somehow I wish I could run away from this ordeal, but I know I cant let her down. Itll be the same as letting my self down. Be a failure like my own "mother" ?

On a note: maybe she she has some underlying expectations? I know anyway she will be allright with it as long as I make it cozy in some ways. But maybe Im dreading for that I cant give her the traditional things?

Im thinking Ill just clean up the house and as written make it cozy and we will have to make our own traditions.

I think as Im writing that its just that it hurts. Memories. I dont know. This is one messed up post.

Last christmas with "mother" I had such anxiety to have to be with her and sister that I had to get as drugged as Ive rarely been in my life to subcome it. Maybe there is something about this?
 
@Zoogal awwww..... Now you made me cry by these words :cry::cry::cry: <3

All the mess I write comes down to what you just wrote, and its hurts (even do its not really bad)
 
@Zoogal awwww..... Now you made me cry by these words :cry::cry::cry: <3

All the me...
Im sorry. :hug: But it's true. You gave her what she didn't have. A mom. And that's all that truly matters not the food, not the house, none of that. She wants to be there with YOU :)

This is a chance to have whatever you didn't the rest of your life.
 
Yes @Zoogal keep on makin me cry :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:
And you dont have to be sorry cause as you say its true.

You know - its not that they beat me nor that they did the others evil things that hurts the most.
Its that they never showed me love nor actually loved me. And then of course they didnt care for me.
So by your words you hit straight to the core of what is the biggest issue to deal with in order to heal - the biggest wounds of my chilhood and family story. And with my daugher.

And yes its the biggest chanse to have what I didnt have and thats why I cant run away. I have to stay put. Also as you say cause she loves me. I cant run away from that love. I know it would be the biggest mistake Id ever make and it would totally ruin me if I did. Thats why I stay firm no matter how dificult I find this at times and no matter how much I think I can not.

Oh my :cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry::cry:

But not in a bad way Zoogal - its just touchy subject
 
Im not feeling bad @Zoogal no worries :) Its just touchy.
Ive known for quite some time that this is the essence, but for therapist and such they seems to be more occupied by all the other stuff like the named beatings and such. It seems easy (for proffesionals) to forget the most essential when a person as I has such a severe story of being mistreated in every and any way. They hear themselves def in all the abuse and cant hear that underneath it all its the total lack of love that is the crucial. Ive been trying to tell this for ever so long, but I assume for a person that never experienced it its hard to comprehend. Just like its hard for me to comprehend the fact of loving some one and be loved.
 
Im not feeling bad @Zoogal no worries :) Its just touchy.
Ive known for quite some...
You're right. It is hard for those that don't understand it. Don't let that stop you. Ever.
I'm so glad that you realize what it is you need. I hope that with time you will get farther and farther away from what was and get closer and closer to what you can have now..and become the person you want to be. It's so hard but it is soooo
worth it.

Enjoy your daughter, enjoy your Christmas, don't worry about anything else.
 
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