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Just An "Old" Newbie - Diagnosed 10 Years Ago From Childhood Abuse

Discussion in 'Introductions' started by xo_eve_ox, Apr 18, 2007.

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  1. xo_eve_ox

    xo_eve_ox New Member

    Hi Y'all, I'm new here, and as I type this I realize that this will be the 1st time I said: I have PTSD That may sound strange considering I got the diagnosis about 10 yrs ago. I was in a therapy group for 8 yrs that dealt with childhood abuse, and all of that time I thought my only problem was with depression. Even tho' at the begining my therapist diag. me with PTSD and depression, I only "owned" the depression end of it. I just believed I was weird, crazy, paranoid, and more jumpy (my startle re-flex is HIGHLY developed) than "normal" people. I worked hard on childhood issues and worked thru alot of them, but I still felt ... un-normal, not right, afraid that I was just fooling all those folks, that truly I was crazy, or insane. Thank God I found this forum, because after reading alot of y'alls posts, I am begining to believe maybe I'm not crazy. I have PTSD. I also see that because I didn't accept that, now I have even more work to do. The truth is I have become comfortable with the way I live. I don't like not going many places and having no friends, but I push most people away. It's easier to just stay home and not worry about going out and feelin like people are lookin at me, or if there are too many people in the store, or if the store is too dark, or if there is ... etc. etc. etc. I hope I can learn to be OK in my own skin. Thanks for listening.
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  3. 9Lives

    9Lives Active Member

    hi there/welcome

    Hello (I'm new here too). You sound a lot like me. In fact, a lot of people do which is starting to make me think I'm not alone! I too need to work on my issues more but, some things I don't think can be fixed. For example, I just had surgery recently & as I was coming to, I had a really bad anxiety attack. The only thing I can remember is a nurse asking "why is she breathing like that?" and I was embarressed to realize that I was doing it again but, thankfully I passed out again and woke up later. These types of things, anxiety attacks, nightmares, hallucinations, startle reflex, flashbacks... I don't know how you can control them since they just happen (even subconsciously). But now I'm finally in a place long enough to have a PTSD counselor so, hopefully we can work through some of these issues! I don't know if any of these things will ever go away (I'm still learning) but, maybe we can reach a better, calmer place with more knowledge & supportive friends. ~ 9Lives

    Take care and Welcome again!
  4. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Hi Eve, welcome to the forum. Yep, its amazing what we choose to believe and not believe in with ourselves. I hope you already feel better saying those words, being a self acknowledgement to now move into really healing your trauma and learning effective management techniques over and above what you may already know.
  5. willing

    willing Active Member

    Being able to see others in the same boat as I is an amazing awakening and gift. Welcome.
  6. goingonhope

    goingonhope Member Premium Member

    Hello Eve, and Welcome to the forum. IMHO, you've found a good place for much support with your PTSD.

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