I just got back from yet another meditation class where there was yet another instruction to create a 'safe place' to 'resource' yourself. And yet again, I found myself sobbing, because nowhere feels safe, except my T.
NoWHERE in my life feels safe. Not really. NoONE feels safe, not even my husband, because he reminds me of what we've lost, and that we're not even physically together because I just can't stand to see that loss around me, every day.
When I think of the safe (happy memory) places I would have used before my life got blown up, they're either literally gone, they're actual real places I have lost, or they're still there, but they're so tinged with loss and pain, I can't bear to think of them. Like, the riverbank I'd take the dog for hours and hours with a good book, and just watch the ducks and hang out. The dog is long gone, but I used to ben able to still remember that is a warm and safe and happy memory. Now, it just feels like a reminder of what I don't have and I can't have any longer.
Thinking of those places and circumstances makes me so sad, and so grief stricken, that I just can't stop crying. Honestly, just the mention of the words 'safe place' are enough to set me off. Writing it, sets me off.
It makes meditation and yoga classes really hard - and embarrassing. I hate the crying. I know it's good to feel things and blah blah. But its horrible when it comes out in public.
Does anyone else have this issue with 'safe places'?
NoWHERE in my life feels safe. Not really. NoONE feels safe, not even my husband, because he reminds me of what we've lost, and that we're not even physically together because I just can't stand to see that loss around me, every day.
When I think of the safe (happy memory) places I would have used before my life got blown up, they're either literally gone, they're actual real places I have lost, or they're still there, but they're so tinged with loss and pain, I can't bear to think of them. Like, the riverbank I'd take the dog for hours and hours with a good book, and just watch the ducks and hang out. The dog is long gone, but I used to ben able to still remember that is a warm and safe and happy memory. Now, it just feels like a reminder of what I don't have and I can't have any longer.
Thinking of those places and circumstances makes me so sad, and so grief stricken, that I just can't stop crying. Honestly, just the mention of the words 'safe place' are enough to set me off. Writing it, sets me off.
It makes meditation and yoga classes really hard - and embarrassing. I hate the crying. I know it's good to feel things and blah blah. But its horrible when it comes out in public.
Does anyone else have this issue with 'safe places'?