Just feeling like a useless, pointless anxious wreck

M

MandaxHope

Hello all. I have been struggling quite a bit lately. I’ve been depressed and anxious. The self loathing lately has been through the roof. The thoughts play in my head over and over “why am I here? Why do I even exist.” And “What’s the point of doing anything. I’m bad at everything I do.” I had a panic attack at 5 am, because my mind started asking what if something bad happens to my daughter, and my mind will supple images of her dead. Sometimes I’m able to just say”those are just thoughts, they don’t mean anything”, but sometimes they really get to me and I respond with pure fear. The uncertainty of something bad happening to her has freaked me out from the moment she was born. I OBSESSED about her possibly getting hurt or worse. Luckily, I don’t obsess as much anymore, I kind of think the Prozac helped with that. Lately has been rough though. Unfortunately, my mental health becomes worse right before I’m going to start my period. A lot of the time I get extremely anxious and depressed. This leads to more panic attacks and lots of suicidal thoughts. I try to tell myself, it’s just the hormones making things worse, but it brings no comfort. Sometimes I don’t know how to handle it. Thank you for reading guys.
 

Sideways

Moderator
Sorry that things are so tough for you right now. What's helped you get through these periods in the past? Do you have a therapist that you'll be seeing soon?

Try and be gentle with yourself, and stay safe.
 

intothelight

Sponsor
Sorry you are struggling, and I believe that most parents worry about their children, but PTSD can take that to the extreme. Since you mentioned the increase in anxiety that seem to be tired to hormonal changes, is this something you have discussed with your doctor? I hope you are able to find some tools and support that will help with the depression/anxiety cycle.
 

Friday

Moderator
I try to tell myself, it’s just the hormones making things worse, but it brings no comfort.
Hell… I was hormone driven suicidal for a few hours a day, the entire 2nd & 3rd trimesters of my pregnancy. Full on antepartum psychosis, during those hours. Hormones are NO joke.

If you have postpartum depression (postnatal depression, across the pond), in addition to PTSD? I would go back in & be seen. Now. Because it sounds like your borderline into postpartum/postnatal psychosis; with the obsessive thinking, anxiety & panic attacks, depression, & suicidal ideation.

There is no such thing as “just” hormones. Hormones regulate how we think AND feel. There’s nothing on earth more powerful than hormones. If we understood how they worked better? We’d use them in torture & interrogation.
 
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