Undiagnosed Just introducing myself

Minerella

New Here
Hello everyone, i just wanted to say how glad i am to have found this forum.
I think i have some kind of trauma as disassociation affects me to the point where I cannot seem to learn to drive, i zone out of conversations frequently and i also have mini seizures that seem to be rated to migraines, where I experience very distracting dejavus for extended periods.
I don’t really know why I’m the way i am, i was always a daydreamer and felt different. There were difficult family dynamic growing up: physical abuse; alcohol abuse and neglect, but I can’t recall a specific instance of trauma as such.
I recently told a friend about my disassociation and she was really quite cruel and said i was mentally ill. I suppose she was right but it really hurt and I haven’t seen her since. I am already isolated as a single mother to small children who works from home. I live far from my family who to be honest are not very close to me anyway and with COVID restrictions i am stuck without a bubble.
I tend to get in relationships with men who I don’t have a physical attraction to but then i fawn/ freeze and get stuck in a guilt and shame spiral. Even men i have loved, and there haven’t been many, have made me feel overwhelmed and something switched in me and i lost feeling for them.
My longest relationship was abusive.
Generally my life is ok, i get by, hold down a decent job, parent ok and have my own home. I have a lot to be thankful for, but under the surface i am anxious and inadequate. I am lonely and tired.
 

Friday

Moderator
Aloha! Welcome to the community!

It sounds like you’ve got a really good grasp of the core issues that are problematic in your life, both currently & in long term patterns... Have you worked with a therapist or diagnostician in sourcing things, yet?
 

Minerella

New Here
Aloha! Welcome to the community!

It sounds like you’ve got a really good grasp of the core issues that are problematic in your life, both currently & in long term patterns... Have you worked with a therapist or diagnostician in sourcing things, yet?
Thank you for the welcome🙏🏻
I have had counsellors but they were mainly to help with specific issues i was going through at the time, which was an unhappy relationship that I didn’t recognise as abusive.

i must confess, i am afraid now to see a counsellor about PTSD/ disassociation because i am worried about the implications in terms of the stigma around mental health. Even though i am now in my mid forties, I have two young children and a difficult relationship with their father. If there was any concerns around my mental health i would be frightened of it affecting my perceived parental ability.
I am fine most of the time, but i do silly scatty things a lot and i also have a hearing impairment, which adds to me sense of disability.
 

DharmaGirl

MyPTSD Pro
PTSD is a mental illness, so seeing a therapist would be the appropriate thing to do. It would model how to take care of yourself to your children, and their father doesn't have to know that you are going to a therapist, let alone any diagnosis. It's none of his business.

Are you seeing a neurologist for your seizures? If so, can you bring up the dissociation? Maybe it's connected to the seizures rather than a mental illness. Do you have any other symptoms of PTSD? I'm only asking because you seem to be worried that it is PTSD and there are more symptoms. If it's not, it sounds like you would be relieved. Either way, talking to a professional would be a good way of coming to terms with all the worries you have. I let my PTSD go and ended up having a breakdown at work. It ruined my life as I knew it. I would have much rather dealt with things first, before I had a breakdown.

Dissociation is a normal thing. Everyone does it. You can tell your friend that. I'm not saying that yours is normal, it doesn't sound like that but your unless your friend is a psychologist or psychiatrist, she shouldn't be diagnosing you with a mental illness.
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Thank you for the welcome🙏🏻
I have had counsellors but they were mainly to help with specific issues i was going through at the time, which was an unhappy relationship that I didn’t recognise as abusive.

i must confess, i am afraid now to see a counsellor about PTSD/ disassociation because i am worried about the implications in terms of the stigma around mental health. Even though i am now in my mid forties, I have two young children and a difficult relationship with their father. If there was any concerns around my mental health i would be frightened of it affecting my perceived parental ability.
I am fine most of the time, but i do silly scatty things a lot and i also have a hearing impairment, which adds to me sense of disability.
Hi @Minerella, welcome to the site. If your struggling and need help them I would try to see a therapist/counsellor if I were you. Forget what other people would think. It's none of their business. Some of the most successful people on this planet have guidance therapists/consellors.
 
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