Just Joking

My Neighbor always seems to hang up his laundry on sunny days, but never on rainy days. One day I decided to ask him how he always knew which days to hang his laundry.
"Well," he explained, "if I wake up and my wife is lying on her side, I know it's going to rain and I shouldn't hang my laundry. If I wake up and she's lying on her front, I know it's not going to rain and I should hang my laundry."

"That's a very interesting method," I replied, "but what if she's lying on her back?"

"Ah, those days," he said, "I have better things to do than laundry!"
 
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

There’s a fine line between a numerator and a denominator. (…Only a fraction of people will get this clean joke.)

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire.

I can never take my dog to the park because the ducks keep trying to bite him. I guess that’s what I get for buying a pure bread dog.

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
 
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