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DID Just life with DID

Thread starter #1
Not a super serious topic. Just feeling weird being in a system and unable to talk to my friends about it.

I've been depressed, I haven't been able to get myself to work for a good while. Over the years my therapist keeps bringing up asking other parts to help when I do have problems. So I asked another part (who never seems to be sad or down, ever!) to work for me and he managed to get a lot done. The experience of asking someone else to take over and not being effected by depression "all of the sudden" is so strange. I've had similar experiences in the past, but they weren't voluntary. Can anyone relate. I'm just feeling a bit alone and outsider-ish over here lol.

Also, do you have friend who know you have DID/Parts? Do you ever get to talk to them about it? What's the experience like?

Sometimes I wish I would tell my friends I have DID. They know I have mental health issues, even that I dissociate, so it's not hard to excuse myself or get understanding. It would just be nice to be able to explain my reality. Having DID seems like a fundamentally different experience in life. Also would be helpful in situations where DID does come up randomly in topics and being able to say "Yeah I have DID and no those are stereotypes" instead of awkwardly knowing too much about psychology and dissociation :P

Thanks for reading, just venting about things I don't have an outlet for. Hope you're all well and being gentle with yourselves.
 
#2
Ooh, another thread my brand of crazy can help someone feel less isolated, count me in.

As to the people having different effect on mood, because of their own baseline, yep. I have someone around who's usually cheerful no matter what, but that someone tends to be interested only in very select few of RL friends so wasn't proper up for years.

We usually manage, though, as collective sense of humor pretty bizarre, so a lot to laugh at even when down.

As to friends... Disclosed it to pretty much everyone of close friends one way or the other.

But specifics, these days had only by bestie, and then by people that need to know how I collectively am as my being DID is one way of how I pull the work we do well, as compartmentalizing ad extreme is my happy baseline.

Personally, educating others RL, I don't use DID as an example. We're all protective of each other, and random joes just for education don't rate explanation in my book.

People that are dissociative themselves, do. Might. But the degree varies, and who speaks to them varies.

Similar as to how only some of us can comment on which trauma we lived, internal rules.

It's not that it's something that's a shush, more that I'm going to do my best to be the most functional I can, and not risking my sanity for someone's curiosity...

And the fact things not lived, shared experience, can't really be conveyed, even if they can be told...

And often lived, no words are needed.
 
#3
I don't have DID exactly (no amnesia, and not a lot of dissociative fog), but my therapist says I have a dissociative disorder. We haven't tried to pin it down further. But I do have a big system of parts--about 10 or 11. Some are only around a little bit. Others I've known about for a long time and are a big part of who I am (Little Wendell, for example). I'm predominantly male psychologically, but have a strong female part (Lady). She has largely escaped trauma, has a great sense of humor and is compassionate and energetic (she's also a bit vain, so not perfect). I switch to her when I need to get certain things done, or when the little ones need care. On Medium, I find reading transgender narratives to be very interesting and compelling, even though that's not my exact experience. I don't feel transgender so much as I feel 'sometimes female'.

Not having bad dissociative fog is both a blessing and a curse. I have been able to hide my inner experience for many years and be very productive, on one hand. But at the same time, that ability came at the cost of shutting down a lot of inner experiences. As I've allowed myself to be more vulnerable, I've learned to get the parts talking to one another. I can voluntarily bring in parts, but still have terrors of an emotional part who is very present for extended periods.

My wife knows about my system, and has seen a few of us. That's a lot of progress, but I would like to share more with others. I tried explaining it a little bit to friends, but it's really hard to explain and not get blank stares. My Medium account bio says that I have a dissociative disorder. Someday I'll post more there about my experiences, but I'm not quite ready to be that vulnerable!
 
#4
So I asked another part (who never seems to be sad or down, ever!) to work for me and he managed to get a lot done. The experience of asking someone else to take over and not being effected by depression "all of the sudden" is so strange. I've had similar experiences in the past, but they weren't voluntary. Can anyone relate.
This felt weird to me when I started doing it. We have one who is not depressed and very efficient (even more than I normally am). She used to show up when needed without my asking, but occasionally I have needed to ask. We are pretty stable these days, so it's not an issue anymore.

Also, do you have friend who know you have DID/Parts? Do you ever get to talk to them about it? What's the experience like?
I told several people. The ones that are still around don't bring it up at all unless I do and then they are very supportive.

Also would be helpful in situations where DID does come up randomly in topics and being able to say "Yeah I have DID and no those are stereotypes" instead of awkwardly knowing too much about psychology and dissociation :p
Oh yeah. LOL Fortunately, I have a nursing degree and worked in psych for several years, so I can just say I had exposure then.

Personally, educating others RL, I don't use DID as an example. We're all protective of each other, and random joes just for education don't rate explanation in my book.
Yes. And for me, it's just not that big a thing anymore. I mean, I am still aware of some and one in particular comes out some evenings, but even so, people don't really want to know, I don't think.

I'm predominantly male psychologically, but have a strong female part (Lady).
I remember you saying this before. Funny, we have "The Lady." She's evil, though. LOL

I have been able to hide my inner experience for many years and be very productive, on one hand.
Me, too. With an occasional exception.

I can voluntarily bring in parts, but still have terrors of an emotional part who is very present for extended periods.
I can only do this if they are cooperative and they aren't always. I have a little one who is very precocious and talkative and smart and curious, and she makes me crazy. I'm always afraid she's going to show up where she shouldn't.

My Medium account bio says that I have a dissociative disorder.
Wow, that's brave. :-) I don't think any of my blogs mention it. That's mostly because I was worried someone at work might see it, but I'm not there anymore, so...
 
#5
Something similar for me. When a "new to fronting" part fronts, it often hasn't for a LONG time and it finds looking out of the eyes around itself at the world so BEAUTIFUL. This is a surreal part of the disorder.

Recently, my main person was out front, getting tired, and not liking what was being said to her. She got really down. Switching happened. And someone else fronted, who I don't know by a name, who wasn't accustomed to talking, didn't want to talk, and just thought looking out of a pair of eyes at things was the most amazing experience ever. Having to deal with the fact there was another human there was hugely annoying to that part and they actually went right to the back again since they were not motivated to stay out if they had to deal with the human.

I have so many unknown parts due to lots of traumas, lots of walls, so much that I doubt that I will personally ever be acquainted with the whole team of insiders. But, one thing I have noticed is how most of them feel "really good" upon first taking over the body. In fact, it can instill almost a "high" in them. This has to be managed, as it can feel dis-inhibiting, like a drug, and affect their judgement; typically making them "mouthy" or sassy, moreso than they actually are in the headspace. Or maybe that's just how they seem to me, the main one, as I watch them, and see their thoughts and feelings as I see them and then hear their words and don't see the connection, as it were. The words seem larger than the mood sitting alongside.

I'm still getting used to being co-conscious, so maybe this distortion feeling is "normal" (hahaha) in DID.

A few years ago, before I accepted I could have DID, I was driving down my own block and almost home, and suddenly, everything would was hyper-pigmented and "so beautiful!" A tree was overhanging in tiny pink and white blossoms. I could see every detail in every blossom. I can accept that I probably switched, but also, some kind of spiritual bliss was happening, and this after a long and tiring shift, so the new alter could have that Nirvana, even though the shift worker probably was not up for it on her own, and had to just be the co-pilot for this "Aha moment!" of beauty and gratitude for being alive in a world of beauty to occur.

What I have experienced, and I probably have DID, and whatever else, shows me that every possible combination/permutation and level of consciousness with others inside I have already been experiencing and new ones happening all the time, as well as "total white and total black" and "nothing." I've experienced what I thought was that I died and came back in flashbacks. And, some alters come from "the pit" gasping for air, so I don't know what universe is altogether within (my consciousness) but it appears to encompass the imagined universe without.

Alters coming out (some I have no clue how this feeling, person, energy could have any relation to me whatsoever) with these dramatic switches of perception and consciousness is not the norm for me. Usually, it's far more subtle and hard for me to notice that switching has occurred. Most of the others are more similar, have been fronting or overlapping more, and "feel more similar" such that switching is more or less seamless, thus not realizing I had DID until major, new alters were fronting, and switching was undeniably felt.
 
#6
Never say never, about discovering most of you's, @Powder :tup:

As in I relate. Super polyfrag, here (or at least believe that type / structure / numbers are referred as such, polyfragmented D.I.D.)

And if focused on discovering more or something clues you in, it might not be even a long time to discover others.

Would very much depend on your trauma and coping methods history I reckon. Also injuries history and how much the brain literally lost along the way, to them.
 
#7
In fact, it can instill almost a "high" in them.
I have this, too. In therapy, when we bring in a part for an extended conversation, it can be hard to switch back to my ANP to get back to work, etc., because the part enjoys being in the body. My two female parts experience a deep euphoria. It's funny--I read about trans people transitioning and then feeling gender euphoria. With dissociative parts, I can have this incredible euphoria just getting a body. ANY body, even if it's the wrong age and gender.
 
#9
@Wendell_R, if I read this correctly, you said you don't have DID, but a dissociative disorder, so where do the parts come in? I have a very severe dissociative disorder, and I can recognize different personalities long after it happens. How can one not have DID and still have different personalities? I am constantly confused about this, and it may be denial, but I want to know since I do recognize several personalities within myself. Of course only if it is comfortable for you. I also don't understand how you can bring a part forward. I just don't get any of it. I never brought it up after my 1st therapist talked about it.
 
#10
@Wendell_R may I ask how you found your therapist and your take on therapy with DID in your experience?
I struggled finding the right therapeutic path. A few years ago, I found a wonderful CBT therapist who did great things for me. While working with her, I ran into:
https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/Photocopy/153416NCJRS.pdf
I had no idea what DID was back then, but I kept on circling things in that article that really resonated with my experience.

After a rough spell, I started work on Coping With Trauma Related Dissociation. When I read the intro, I said to myself, "That's Me, That's Me!" for the first time in my life. At the time, I thought I had fairly typical PTSD dissociation.

At that point, I found a therapist who was qualified in EMDR, trauma, and addictions. She had worked with clients who dissociated, but not with DID clients. Whenever I took a DID screening questionnaire, I came up with a low score. But, as my trauma work progressed, the trauma coming out manifested itself as vibrant voices and personalities. When I read about DID, I realized that my internal experience of my parts was very similar to that of people with DID.

At this point, my trauma therapist says that I have "some type of dissociative disorder" along with PTSD. Unlike a lot of people with DID, I don't have dissociative fugues or strong amnesia. That's why I say I don't have DID. But I end up talking a lot with folks who have DID because of the strength of personalities of my parts. For example, I don't have an "Angry" part--I have a part in his 30s who escaped a retched marriage by acting out and who has his own personality.

We do a mix of EMDR and work with the parts. The EMDR work often is with one of the parts present, which is quite a psychological adventure.

I also don't understand how you can bring a part forward. I just don't get any of it.
I learned how to recognize the thoughts and feelings of the different parts. In my therapist's office, I learned how to let the adult part of me be quiet and not controlling, and then the parts would come forward. (I read somewhere the description of the adult being in the back seat of a car while the other part was driving.) For the first year or so, I would use my journal to help them come forward. Each part had a page with pictures that they liked. Looking at those pictures helped them come out. Later, I learned how to have the adult and one other part in conversation in my head, or just to let the other parts have primary ownership of my consciousness. Now, I can "check in" with everybody in my head. I can't get to all parts all the time, but if someone is excited or upset, I can let them be present. At the end of therapy, I have to do grounding exercises to get the adult back. Sometimes the other parts don't want that to happen, and it takes a few minutes.
 
#11
@DharmaGirl Wow! Such a big question. I'm still trying to learn. I'm not in therapy yet, so I am on my own trying to figure things out.

I understand there are at least two other dissociative disorders that are quite similar to DID (but are not DID because the DSM-5 includes the parameter that there has to be at least two distinct personalities that can front and take control of the body for it to be DID.) But there are other clusters of disorders that have all the other traits of DID, just not fronting of the parts the same way. Sorry, I cannot find the source that lists the names of them, so I can't remember them, and they were quite technical. The source did a great job describing each one and how they compared to one another. If you find a good article, please post the link. Thanks!

So I'll try to summarize a great source I can't locate today, from memory (here goes nuthin'):

1. There is another dissociative disorder in which the parts come close to the front and "co-pilot," and the "host" can feel them there, along with their thoughts, desires, and emotions. In this way, parts can have a very strong influence on what the host is doing. For instance, the part can give the host a very bad headache if the host does not do what the part wants, or the part can argue with the host and cause the host to "lose time," thus winning the argument (this has actually happened to me, when a part did not want me to go to an appointment and argued with me about it so intensely for so long that I lost time and actually missed the appointment).

2. In another dissociative disorder, there literally is no "host personality" and there is just the "shell" personality all the time out front who has no control over parts, who don't fully front but control the "shell," using influence techniques to persuade the "shell" to act a certain way for the part(s) nearest the front to feel satisfied. Obviously, in all these disorders, there can be conflict among parts. There can be dissociation and amnesia, and other issues, such that the Host or Shell doesn't have much control, but thinks that it has all the control.

This all makes perfect sense to me, because I have DID, and these actions also happen in DID but as I said, in DID, the experts think it's important that at least some two "parts" (usually, at the very least, the "host" and an ANP) are able to "fully drive the car" and they think that's a vital distinction of DID that makes it unique and more of a problem, I guess, since that is further from "normal" consciousness. Of course, most people with DID have had more than just two parts front, even briefly, or come near the front with memories, etc. or co-consciously sharing, or other kinds of fronting or switching or memory sharing or deleting actions that would take a long time to list.


So, I agree with @Wendell_R that there is a lot of overlap in how it feels to have parts within the dissociative disorders and that reading what happens in all of them is actually helpful due to symptom overlap. There are probably some differences, just like everyone with PTSD might experience the different symptomology at different levels or times or combos. Different triggers. Different ways to ground. Etc. But they can rall elate to the experience of having PTSD.
 
#12
I learned how to recognize the thoughts and feelings of the different parts.
This is a lot of work for me doing this on my own. Mine don't want to journal. I don't want to journal. I'm not in therapy.

I commend you on this.

Can you share some examples of precisely what this might look like? Does it always have to be in a journal. I know everyone with DID uses a journal. I like to write, but for some reason I can't get the ones I need to be in cooperation interested.

Thank you so much for whatever you feel like sharing. If nothing, that is perfectly fine with me, and I understand.
 
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