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Just Moaning - Having a Bad Moment With My PTSD

Discussion in 'General' started by darkskies, Aug 28, 2006.

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  1. darkskies

    darkskies Active Member

    feel unsupported right now. i usually have a good network but not at the moment. My flatmate has her own mental health needs that means i can't dump on her at the moment, my cpn is away for three weeks and my therapist has cancelled my appointment this week.

    All of that would be ok normally i could get through. only last session in therapy i gave my first account of the facts that happend in the trauma that led to ptsd since making a statment to the police after it just happened. (Jan 05)

    i handled the facts (no thoughts or feelings) ok while telling it, but after the session the feelings came, and i was back in the incident again. Overwhelmed and scared. i struggled with it by distraction which worked to bury it for a day or so. I then got aggitated and frustrated but dealt with that too by writing a diary and crying!

    Now i'm just upset and struggling with the aftermath of it. I can't stop the tears from falling today and my mind is numb. I'm tired of fighting the images that appear and of blocking out thoughts before they even appear so i don't even know why i'm upset. have given myself a headache now!

    my therapist left a message for me to say i could call and talk about anything, but i haven't got anything to discuss. I can't pin piont any specifics or have the words to desribe what i'm thinking or feeling so whats the point incalling when i can't express what is festering inside me? what would i say? i don't want to waste his time speaking to me when he could be helping someone else.

    i just needed to get a few things out of my mind and onto paper, so there i have!
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  3. Farmer

    Farmer Active Member

    Moan away, it helps sometimes to just let it out. That's the trouble withPTSD sometimes there is no disernable reason for the feelings they just are. I'm shure you would not be wasting anyones time after all thats the therepist is there for, make them work for you not the other way around.
    Anyway I shure hope the day gets better
  4. YoungAndAngry

    YoungAndAngry Well-Known Member

    Yeah, before every therapist appointment,
    I have mini-panic attacks.. I have no idea what to talk about.
    And I usually stress about it the whole trip over there.

    I just have a really hard time opening up to people.
    When I'm sitting there silent after stating that I don't know what to say...
    My therapist just tells me "it's OK, take your time, this is your time to say whatever you want... whatever comes to mind"

    And whenever I end up "breaking down" in the therapists office,
    ...and I'm rambling on about how "I can't believe I'm crying right now"
    He tells me that this is where I'm supposed to cry, let my emotions out, it is a safe environment, and that my reactions are normal.

    And I want to tell you that your reaction to your therapy is normal.
    Of course you are going to feel exhausted!
    You mind just ran a mental marathon!!!

    And please continue therapy,
    Therapists have a funny way of getting you to talk about the things that bothering you.

    Take care
  5. darkskies

    darkskies Active Member

    thanks farmer, YA, i will continue therapy. the chap i see is really good its just bad timing that this weeks session was cancelled. i've calmed down a bit now -feel more in control. i have the same hard time opening up too, denial is great at times but also a massive hiderance. I can only ignore things for so long before they spill open in other situations out of control. Its all confussing.
  6. anthony

    anthony Silently Watching Founder

    Darkskies, your overgeneralizing here, and you are making decisions on what others could think. Your therapist has given you scope to call them at any time to just chat, so please don't tell yourself that you would be wasteing his time, because if he felt that to begin with, he wouldn't have offered the service to you. Therapists offer these extra services to people they know need them. Please use it, and don't think your wasteing his time, because your not.
  7. purdyamos

    purdyamos Active Member

    When the words aren't there, just bawl instead. Or be numb and describe that you're numb. Cry it out, don't feel embarrassed or that you should be following a script. Get the feelings out, then the analysis of what you felt can come after, then you can join the dots with the guidance of the therapist. From the description of how you're feeling, it certainly isn't wasting his time. It's YOU that needs the help right now. Make the most of his offer.
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