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Yes @EveHarrington I hear it every time I see people post about their regrets. :(
Hard concept to convey, hard to understand, harder still to change.
I do understand this. I think I would say "if you treat me properly I won't bite." (I promise). I probably meant it, or I tried really hard to mean it. Then, after you bite they stand there looking at you in disbelief. What'd you think I was going to do? I'm a rattlesnake.It blows my mind how people don’t understand. They SEE how destructive I am. How do I not think I am the scum of the earth when I have been told such my entire life? I hate this life. I can’t live with the guilt of subjecting someone to this when I want nothing more than to leave it all behind and be normal. Sometimes I think people are stupid. It’s like telling someone you’re a venomous rattlesnake who can deathly hurt them but they still want to play with the rattlesnake anyway. I don’t get it.
Actually, I don't feel like a snake. Nor that degree of emotionally disregulated as to cause so much harm. I just don't want someone else to waste their time or invest in me like that. Life for them could be easier, more fulfilling, more 'normal'. Sure there is the capacity for great times, but the lows wouldn't likely be worth it. That just can't be fair for anyone else. People expect people to be supportive but, well- people expect a lot, I actually think sometimes they expect an inordinate amount of understanding- how could someone without this brain understand? I don't think for others, but I'd like to think I do think of their well-being.
indeed to be honest I did not even know what complex ptsd was for most of my life I am only just learning how to understand it my self.I’ve never found anyone who can understand this. :-(
good analogy. my own analogy is I feel like I am a dog sort of in pain squealing and people come to put there hand out to try and stroke me and suddenly all that snarling and growlingIt blows my mind how people don’t understand. They SEE how destructive I am. How do I not think I am the scum of the earth when I have been told such my entire life? I hate this life. I can’t live with the guilt of subjecting someone to this when I want nothing more than to leave it all behind and be normal. Sometimes I think people are stupid. It’s like telling someone you’re a venomous rattlesnake who can deathly hurt them but they still want to play with the rattlesnake anyway. I don’t get it.
I have has similar thoughts exactly...a bit like thanks for being nice to me but you don't need to go inviting me out for dinner I can have laugh and a joke with you but don't get that close you cant handle this and you should not have to .Actually, I don't feel like a snake. Nor that degree of emotionally disregulated as to cause so much harm. I just don't want someone else to waste their time or invest in me like that. Life for them could be easier, more fulfilling, more 'normal'. Sure there is the capacity for great times, but the lows wouldn't likely be worth it. That just can't be fair for anyone else. People expect people to be supportive but, well- people expect a lot, I actually think sometimes they expect an inordinate amount of understanding- how could someone without this brain understand? I don't think for others, but I'd like to think I do think of their well-being.
its ok glad if this thread could help you process stuffSorry, I was in a bad place when I made that last reply..... And on the tail end of trying to save someone from me. :-/
come to put there hand out to try and stroke me and suddenly all that snarling and growling