Just Take Off, Outrun The Past... Oh, Wait.

[Ronin]

Sorry I posting so much lately, just trying to work out triggers that are so "I can't figure out how to drink" level of f*cking me up so yah. Rather asking than doing stupid desperate things.

Some life long crap is so trigger minefield I implode most of the times I try to go into it.

Mostly brainwashing. But pretty specific / not my usual cult parties & whoever else is work or acquitances du jour.

Usually helps stay sane, validation. Not hands holding. Intel. Which is why it's rock meet a hard place, equally usually. Too many graves.

I teechnically can keep myself safe. Still at least some teachers / mentors / friends who been there enough, left, to tell me what ta do. Even if by silence.

But I also had pretty rocky last whole year full of asstwads telling me to botch my life. W/e, I'm not in this shithole country or the other, it didn't work even then, no f*cks given, not playing, ciao.

But that's part of *precisely* why I need to learn how to talk it. Other than in shitty acronyms that, for that trauma, are too much info.

I learned to soomehow wrap my head around fighting, talking it. Not well, but yep. So it pisses me off other trauma type interwoven with that gets me shaky wet dog spazz.

I get why so spazz, direct reasons I'm DID, in many ways why specifically the way I am, aka sure brain, thinking of it may have valid reasons to not wanna f*ck with a survival mechanism.

So the Q could be about,
For starters, who of normal civilian lair do I talk to about lightning-fast avoidance?

As in deep enough I might take off to wherever, self harm massive not thinking about it, kinda avoidance.

Cos knowing there's resources usually shushes my head for at least a bit. The airlift equivalent : Wait the f*ck up, while holding on is messy lair as usual.

Hellton more Qs, later. Still related. But asking the I think first to even start talking somewhere outta my diary.

 

[Changing4Best]

I let my T read a portion of my journal. It was about something that I just couldn't talk about. After he read it, I was able to briefly mention stuff about it. Eventually we talked it over. That area of my life is going better now.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

I don’t know the answer....maybe that’s it, there isn’t one. I know talking is something many say will drive healing. But so often the healing is to drive myself out of this life on foot, 2 or 4 wheels, boat, plane...whatever!

Happens loads, and been up the creek still paddling when I realize.....oooohhhh. Right, didn’t think this thru.

That’s where I stop and try to think it thru. Listen to all the internal chaos and make sense of why, now, what is it? Usually, it’s A-rated avoidance. It takes coaxing to get me back in the boat to paddle down river again. Sometimes I can do that alone with a heavy dose of self criticism for failing to plan the mission.
Sometimes another internal piece requires something else....cool people taught me connection/reaching out is a good tool. Maybe I try that - not “waaaaah, I’m a mess please save me” it’s less clear “yo, I paddled up creek without supplies but it’s nice here”
That, I think is something you n me both can work on - communicating to others about us....I think. Toss something at me if wrong.
- If we run, it’s ok.
- When we realize we ran, stop for moment and gather thoughts/what/why/where going
- Is it effective, will it resolve issue or is it avoiding the issue?
- Connect with someone

So not sure I’m helpful. But I think of resources as you, yourselves, all of you, parts of you and this will change depending on what’s going on of course and why run got turned on. After that, resources are other good people in your life you can connect with. Even if that’s just here on the forums.

I’m sure I have more thoughts but brain just blanked.