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#1
Sorry I posting so much lately, just trying to work out triggers that are so "I can't figure out how to drink" level of f*cking me up so yah. Rather asking than doing stupid desperate things.
Some life long crap is so trigger minefield I implode most of the times I try to go into it.
Mostly brainwashing. But pretty specific / not my usual cult parties & whoever else is work or acquitances du jour.
Usually helps stay sane, validation. Not hands holding. Intel. Which is why it's rock meet a hard place, equally usually. Too many graves.
I teechnically can keep myself safe. Still at least some teachers / mentors / friends who been there enough, left, to tell me what ta do. Even if by silence.
But I also had pretty rocky last whole year full of asstwads telling me to botch my life. W/e, I'm not in this shithole country or the other, it didn't work even then, no f*cks given, not playing, ciao.
But that's part of *precisely* why I need to learn how to talk it. Other than in shitty acronyms that, for that trauma, are too much info.
I learned to soomehow wrap my head around fighting, talking it. Not well, but yep. So it pisses me off other trauma type interwoven with that gets me shaky wet dog spazz.
I get why so spazz, direct reasons I'm DID, in many ways why specifically the way I am, aka sure brain, thinking of it may have valid reasons to not wanna f*ck with a survival mechanism.
So the Q could be about,
For starters, who of normal civilian lair do I talk to about lightning-fast avoidance?
As in deep enough I might take off to wherever, self harm massive not thinking about it, kinda avoidance.
Cos knowing there's resources usually shushes my head for at least a bit. The airlift equivalent : Wait the f*ck up, while holding on is messy lair as usual.
Hellton more Qs, later. Still related. But asking the I think first to even start talking somewhere outta my diary.
Some life long crap is so trigger minefield I implode most of the times I try to go into it.
Mostly brainwashing. But pretty specific / not my usual cult parties & whoever else is work or acquitances du jour.
Usually helps stay sane, validation. Not hands holding. Intel. Which is why it's rock meet a hard place, equally usually. Too many graves.
I teechnically can keep myself safe. Still at least some teachers / mentors / friends who been there enough, left, to tell me what ta do. Even if by silence.
But I also had pretty rocky last whole year full of asstwads telling me to botch my life. W/e, I'm not in this shithole country or the other, it didn't work even then, no f*cks given, not playing, ciao.
But that's part of *precisely* why I need to learn how to talk it. Other than in shitty acronyms that, for that trauma, are too much info.
I learned to soomehow wrap my head around fighting, talking it. Not well, but yep. So it pisses me off other trauma type interwoven with that gets me shaky wet dog spazz.
I get why so spazz, direct reasons I'm DID, in many ways why specifically the way I am, aka sure brain, thinking of it may have valid reasons to not wanna f*ck with a survival mechanism.
So the Q could be about,
For starters, who of normal civilian lair do I talk to about lightning-fast avoidance?
As in deep enough I might take off to wherever, self harm massive not thinking about it, kinda avoidance.
Cos knowing there's resources usually shushes my head for at least a bit. The airlift equivalent : Wait the f*ck up, while holding on is messy lair as usual.
Hellton more Qs, later. Still related. But asking the I think first to even start talking somewhere outta my diary.
