Just venting

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littleoc

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I feel very hopeless. I keep trying to get out of my situation, and nothing is working.

I think my bird is going to die. I've now spent $2000 on getting her back to health. She keeps getting sick. She's sick again right now. My plants keep dying too. Something in the air, I don't know.

I do not feel like my happy-go-lucky self at all.

That's all. I'm not actually looking for anything, just wanted to say it. I have lists of things to do anyway. Something has to work eventually. I'll just be so exhausted by then I don't know if I'll feel excited anymore.

My siblings all got to go and live their own lives and be free, and if I leave this house it will be a fight. I wish I hadn't come back. I didn't have anywhere else to go, though. It is making me wish I didn't exist. I feel that no one wants me around and that I am worthless.

Have a good day, though.
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Im sorry little doc, you are not worthless. I know how you feel though and have to keep stopping those thoughts when I have them. I am very blessed in many ways. I am grateful, but I have no energy and just want to stay in bed most of the time. I know that sounds like depression, but for me, it feels like total comfort. My senior dog just passed a few days ago, now I am grieving on top of this. I cant stand the house so quiet and I miss him so much. We got old together and now that he is gone....I feel like I really can stay in bed without it effecting anyone. Its hard finding worth in myself with this attitude. Somehow I know that you would tell me that I am not worthless. Well, I know you have worth. I know your struggle.
 

bellbird

Sponsor
I feel that no one wants me around and that I am worthless.
Holy cow, this couldn't be further from the truth, missy.

I've had the privilege of knowing you for just over a year now, and I am so grateful for that.

There are some people in life that once you meet them, you can't imagine life without them anymore.

You're one of those people.

Vent away, but don't for one moment believe the distortions that you're worthless or that people don't want you around.
 

littleoc

Sponsor
I've had the privilege of knowing you for just over a year now, and I am so grateful for that.
You're one of those people.
Thank you, that means a lot. You're really awesome ?

It felt good to vent it, but I'll be careful to keep challenging the distortions. I actually failed to realize I was entertaining one this go-around, which is kind of unusual. Oh, well. I'm sure I'll be better within the next few days :)

I hope you're doing well.
 

bellbird

Sponsor
It felt good to vent it,
I'm glad :hug:
There is a lot of comfort in being heard, and realising that we are allowed to express when life is difficult.
I actually failed to realize I was entertaining one this go-around, which is kind of unusual.
I think given your environment and everything you are dealing with at the moment, it is completely understandable.
Oh, well. I'm sure I'll be better within the next few days :)
We really hope so.
But no pressure, yeah? Our support has no time limit.
I hope you're doing well
Thank you :) I'm doing better than I was yesterday, so that's a start.

General question: how is your sleep?
It must be kinda late there right now. I just have a feeling you aren't sleeping so well at the moment?

I know for me, when I'm tired, everything is harder. And then my mood worsens, which makes my sleep worsen: it's a vicious cycle.

??????? green hearts for St. Patrick's Day
 
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littleoc

Sponsor
It must be kinda late there right now. I just have a feeling you aren't sleeping so well at the moment?
I know for me, when I'm tired, everything is harder. And then my mood worsens, which makes my sleep worsen: it's a vicious cycle.
I hadn't really put consideration into it, but yeah. It's 1:21 A.M., I haven't taken Nestle on her nightly walk yet, I missed all but two of the plans I had for today because I was laying in bed, awake, until 3 P.M. when Nestle jumped on me to tell me I was acting dysregulated, I think I also forgot to give her her antibiotic so I need to go do that immediately after this post. I did just eat an entire pound of raisins, though, so at least I'm eating. Though that's probably enough sugar to make me feel weird in a few hours. But at least I've got some iron :D

I also don't sleep well when I'm on my period. Even on birth control, which I'm using to regulate crazy hormones, it's so heavy that I have to get up constantly. My mother bought supplies for me this month, but accidentally got a less absorbent type, so I slept worse than I usually would have. Not a big deal, though. At least it wasn't insomnia.


Thank you :) I'm doing better than I was yesterday, so that's a start.
That's good news!

??????? green hearts for St. Patrick's Day
?????????????
 

brat17

MyPTSD Pro
Vent as long as you need, and keep challenging those thoughts.
My fur baby was a chocolate lab with ears like velvet. My dogs have been the family I never really had.
 

bellbird

Sponsor
I also don't sleep well when I'm on my period
Relatable!!

Hope you and Noofle were able to have a restful sleep in the end.

Do you think it might help to set yourself alarms as reminders for particular things like taking Noofle for her walk, taking meds, etc?

I have reminders set up for all my meds, and hourly reminders to get up and practice walking.

It helps, when there's a lot going on.
My brain can't remember it all on its own at the moment, and that's ok :hug:
 

...z...

Policy Enforcement
My siblings all got to go and live their own lives and be free, and if I leave this house it will be a fight. I wish I hadn't come back. I didn't have anywhere else to go, though. It is making me wish I didn't exist. I feel that no one wants me around and that I am worthless.

When I left school on short notice I ended up moving back in with my mom for awhile. I don't know the context of your home life... but it sounds like you maybe feel the same dark and ucky I did. I felt a stock pile of like domino effect hopelessness because every day felt like an uphill battle. Even a generally okay day felt like a crummy day because so much uck. Uck is my new favorite umbrella term.

I definitely don't think your worthless. Even the little discussion we've exchanged since yesterday has helped motivate me. A little kindness goes a long way, ya know? Maybe trying to be extra kind to yourself for awhile will help.

I'm really sorry to hear about your birdie. It seems like your a fellow animal lover, and my oh my how every ale or loss of a pet hurts.
 

littleoc

Sponsor
Hope you and Noofle were able to have a restful sleep in the end.
Thanks :hug:

Do you think it might help to set yourself alarms as reminders for particular things like taking Noofle for her walk, taking meds, etc?

Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. I did have one for “get ready for bed” but the fact that making dinner in my mom’s house is next to impossible and we have to go to my sister’s, and then stay really late — I need to be more clear about boundaries, basically, with my mom. My sister, nephew, and I both prefer early dinners. And not staying up late. I’m having a hard time now, with going to bed on time.

but it sounds like you maybe feel the same dark and ucky I did.
Yeah, that sounds like the issue. It’s the same house where almost all the abuse happened, or else I look out the window and see where more of it happened. It’s very trigger-y. “Uck” is a great word for it.

I definitely don't think your worthless.
Thank you :hug: I really appreciate that. I don’t think you are, either.

It seems like your a fellow animal lover, and my oh my how every ale or loss of a pet hurts.
I am — do you have pets?
 
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