Keeping up or no with psych

Y

Yule

Hi everyone,
I’m in a really bad state since December after one appointment with the psychologist I’m seeing
Almost lost my boyfriend there, almost didn’t make it through so I called the psych during vacations and she only answered my call on Monday after I texted her to reschedule.

I’ve got big problems with preggo women and she is preggo. I can ignore it during the appointment bc I can sit somewhere I don’t have to look at her, and keep going with the therapy.

The problem is last Saturday she called and said that if I needed/wanted, we could have two appointments during the week. She offered one appointment on Tuesday on zoom, added to the already scheduled appointment of Wednesday.

On Monday, in the afternoon, less than 24hrs before the first appointment ON ZOOM, a man calls me and tell me appointments of the week are cancelled. No emails, no messages from the psych, complete silence. I feel like a dog someone leaves on the road just because they have other problems and don’t really care about the animal anymore.

Over analyzing things, my mind tells me she only cancelled my appointments and not those of other clients. At this point, she is going to give me a reason like “I’ve been at the hospital” or “I didn’t feel good” but if she keeps working then you’d guess that she wouldn’t cancel appointments that way, that she’d find a way to do things like a psych is supposed to do.

No way being preggo prevents a psychologist from respecting clients and their needs.

Should I ask her about whether she plans on just keeping on cancelling appointments just because she cant handle things ?
Or should I ask her to give me another psychologist’s address and just leave her, knowing I opened myself and trusted her to be reliable and there for me as much as her schedule allows her to be ?
 

joeylittle

Administrator
Any number of things could have happened. I can empathize with feeling abandoned, but try and right-size that reaction - you weren't abandoned. There was some kind of significant situation, and clearly unplanned-for (since she had just scheduled with you for the week).

Maybe this psychologist is a flake. Maybe she was hit by a car. You won't know without asking.
Should I ask her about whether she plans on just keeping on cancelling appointments just because she cant handle things ?
That's a massive assumption on your part. If that's genuinely the only way you can see this? You're probably not really coping with your underlying feelings of intense dislike for her due to her pregnancy, and would be happier with someone else.

That 'someone else' is also capable of having a personal emergency and needing to cancel on you. Anyone is.
 
Y

Yule

I’ve been through several personal emergencies because I’m depressed, have suicidal ideation and so on. I just don’t know how I keep going right now.
When working, I feel down and on the edge. Does this mean Im going to say “ok, see y’all later, personal emergency” ?
No.

I just know people will find reasons to not be there whenever you need them. They’re either busy, have personal emergencies like they say, or they just can’t. And everyone will think it’s alright because hey, Im not in a personal relationship, Im not even a client that could be considered as important. So let me suck emotions up and feel abandoned and let down with no one to talk to because I know nobody can help me with what I feel inside.

I have accepted her excuses in the past, I gladly accepted to just change my appointments, I know people can have personal emergencies, Im not so much of an ass. But every month, having a personal emergency, it’s not an emergency anymore. Just say you can’t work anymore and transfer me to another psychologist whom you will know will be more able to take care of me for a period of time.

I guess I should just send her emails on how I feel about her not being there for me, cancelling appointments whenever she needs to because being preggo apparently give anyone the right to not respect anything and/or anyone.
 

shimmerz

MyPTSD Pro
I feel like a dog someone leaves on the road just because they have other problems and don’t really care about the animal anymore.
Those are your feelings and you are responsible for those - whether your therapist is pregnant or not. If you can't see nor work through that then you are doing yourself no good having this therapist and need to find another. For both of your sakes.
 

grit

Not Active
I feel you are experiencing a moment of despair because for one reason or another as others already noted you are triggered by the pregnancy, the reality is something is cancelled (for million reasons we do not know yet) and your deep reaction is probably something more related to your own trauma than a mere cancellation. I bet there were other times when things get cancelled and you rolled with it. Try to remember that and see if it helps for now until you can find the reasons your session was cancelled.
 

arfie

MyPTSD Pro
gentle empathy, yule. to me, finding a comfortable therapy relationship feels like an iffier roller coaster ride than the hunt for the perfect romantic partner. it is hard not to feel desperate sometimes. if only "getting help" was as simple as pulling a box off the shelf. just wishing. . .

steadying support while you continue your search. keep trying.
 

joeylittle

Administrator
I’ve been through several personal emergencies because I’m depressed, have suicidal ideation and so on. I just don’t know how I keep going right now.
When working, I feel down and on the edge. Does this mean Im going to say “ok, see y’all later, personal emergency” ?
No.
I'm sorry, I could have been more explicit - personal emergency as in serious accident or illness or event requiring hospitalization, house fire, violent physical assault, that sort of thing. Ultimately, I don't mean to be coming down hard on you - I'm pointing these things out because they don't seem to be occurring to you as legitimate reasons why someone might need to take some days off of work, as this psychologist has done. Your assumption is going straight to the notion that she's shirking her duties, when you don't have evidence for or against that.
I have accepted her excuses in the past, I gladly accepted to just change my appointments, I know people can have personal emergencies, Im not so much of an ass. But every month, having a personal emergency, it’s not an emergency anymore.
This is 100% valid - and if it's the case, it might be really good for your own self-empowerment to have this conversation with her. And if those other times were also cancelled by someone other than her, then that'd be a different situation, it just sounded from your initial post like this was a new event in your relationship with her.

But ultimately - what you deserve, as Arfie said, is to feel reasonably supported in your therapy setting, and it doesn't sound like this woman is doing that, so moving on is probably good.
 
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whiteraven

MyPTSD Pro
What @joeylittle said.

I guess I should just send her emails on how I feel about her not being there for me, cancelling appointments whenever she needs to because being preggo apparently give anyone the right to not respect anything and/or anyone.
I always think it's good to communicate worries and upset to a therapist. But you are assuming that she is cancelling because she's pregnant, and it may have absolutely nothing to do with that. Serious illness or death in the family? Fire? It could be a million things unrelated to her pregnancy. I understand--totally--how it feels like being abandoned when there is a cancellation without an explanation. It's happened to me a lot. But telling myself it's because no one cares for me and no one can help or that they are doing it on purpose, only makes me feel a LOT worse.
 
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